


Odds Are We're Gonna Be Alright

by FrostyTips



Category: SuperMega Show, Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Dry Humping, Exploration, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Sex, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Non-Canon Relationship, Other, Questioning, Sex, Slow Burn, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyTips/pseuds/FrostyTips
Summary: (Tags will be updated as chapters are added. NSFW will be marked beforehand.)That feel when winning a game may cost more than losing one.(Or: A Game of "What Are the Odds?" that goes Oh So Right)
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Comments: 93
Kudos: 211





	1. He Says I'm Not Romantic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GravenTimes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GravenTimes/gifts), [mujeresdemuerte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mujeresdemuerte/gifts).



> I dedicate this to some of my favorite Ryatt writers, you inspired me to try my hand at this writing business. 
> 
> I've been refreshing my feed almost literally every day, waiting for more fanfiction to show up, but you know what? It's unfair of me to put that burden onto everyone else when I am just as capable of writing fanfiction too. 
> 
> This is my first attempt at this in a long time, and the first time I'm sharing (somewhat?) publicly, so please go easy on me. 
> 
> Here's just a taste...

“You’re a very attractive man, Ryan,” Matt told his best friend. He took a sip of his LaCroix and looked over at Ryan, who was so absorbed in the game playing out on the screen in front of them that he didn’t even flinch at that comment. The pair were sitting in the gaming room of their shared office, the Supermegaplex. Various monitors were propped up near the television, showing sound waves and the status of their recording software. Both boys sat in separate corners of the couch, with Matt leaning against the back and Ryan hunched forward, focused on the menu of Cruis’n’ Exotica. Expensive dynamic microphones stood in front of them, and each time one boy wanted to talk, he’d subconsciously lean forward, closer to the mic.

Ryan scoffed, his breath caught in the pop filter, “You’re just saying that because we’re comparing me to that pixelated piece of shit,” he argued, nodding at the colorfully-dressed cowboy positioned on the character select screen. A couple more presses of the A button and he was picking out a race car. “Ooo look at this! A cowboy in a hippy van!”

Matt ignored him, “I’m being serious, you’ve got those, like, soft but rugged features, those princess eyelashes-”

Ryan started giggling, “Princess eyelashes?”

Matt huffed, “Yeah, like they’re all long and shit! You can’t even _see_ mine!”

“Bullshit,” Ryan replied, shaking his head. The Cruis’n’ Exotica music played in the background of their conversation, the Nintendo 64 audio compression making it difficult to distinguish instruments from car noises. 

“And you’ve got that beautiful, thick, dark hair,” continued Matt, motioning toward Ryan’s head. “And look at me, I’m basically going bald.” Matt ran his fingers through his thinning brown hair, taking note that his hairline seemed higher up than before.

“Ladies love that!” Ryan countered before quickly devolving into another round of giggles. “Look at, uh, uh, Hulk Hogan!”

“Brotherrrr,” Matt growled, imitating the man himself. “I can 100% guarantee ladies do _not_ love that.”

Another race was about to start in the game, and Ryan found his focus torn between talking and concentrating on the countdown. As the game text read Go!, he slammed the A button on the controller and thrust the control stick forward, causing the on-screen vehicle’s engine to roar as it began accelerating.“Okay, but Matt, you’ve got those beautiful blues all the ladies swoon over!”

“If any of you have seen our live show,” Matt explained to the future Let’s Play watchers, “You know that we used to do a bit where we figured out who’s most attractive, and I think the majority of our audience sided with me, saying Ryan’s more attractive.”

“No way, there were way more Matt fangirls than Ryan fangirls,” Ryan laughed.

“But you’re not counting the fan _boys_!” Matt yelled. The two started laughing at that, as both had a similar experience with “fanboys.” “You are perfect “bear” material, my friend.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, “Now you’re just calling me fat and hairy, Matthew.”

“But in a good way!”

Ryan gave a bit of a laugh, “Ok, but if I’m a bear, you’re definitely a twink.”

“Oh for sure!” Matt agreed quickly, and the two laughed again. “I can’t even argue with that, I’m skinny _and_ I look prepubescent.”

Ryan shrugged, “Well you know what they say, you are what you eat…” and he turned to look Matt dead in the eyes. The two sat in silence for a few seconds (for the bit) before Matt laughed, alleviating the awkward quietness. “I love you, dude. I love that we can argue about this shit and it’s not even gay.”

Ryan growled at the TV screen. He watched as his vehicle rolled across the finish line, the words “Last Place” flashing above him. “Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”

……..

It wasn’t often that Supermega Inc. could afford to take everyone out to their favorite sushi restaurant, but this was a special occasion. The boys had just finished setting up their gaming room, complete with multiple shelves, stands, and props for all their recording needs. Justin was in town as well, helping out with a couple of one-offs and live hi-jinx. The majority of the group carpooled together to Izumi’s Buffet, but Matt and Ryan drove together, using the time to catch up and brainstorm new video ideas.

When Matt and Ryan walked into the restaurant, they saw Harrison first, clad in a fashionable leather jacket, waving them over to a booth in the back. There were two empty seats on Justin’s left, with Harrison, Jackson, and Carson sitting directly across the table. 

“We just got our menus; we’re still deciding what to eat,” explained Justin. He tossed the remaining two menus to Matt and Ryan, who readily took them as they sat down.

“What about the number 7?” asked Jackson, nose deep in his menu. “A sushi boat for two!”

Harrison pinched the bridge of his nose, “Jackson, that’s a _love_ boat, for _couples.”_

“Yeah, well, if they don’t let me order it, that’s discrimination!” Jackson fussed. 

Ryan looked at Matt, then down to Matt’s closed menu sitting idly on the table. Ryan raised an eyebrow, “You not eatin’?” 

Matt shook his head, “Nah, there’s a sushi buffet here,” he explained, pointing at a row of sushi trays in the middle of the restaurant. “Getting each roll individually is hella expensive.”

Ryan grinned, following suit and closing his menu as well, “Then I’ll have what you’re having.”

“‘When Harry Met Sally?’” asked Jackson, perking up.

“No, when Harry met Jackson,” answered Ryan. 

Laughing unexpectedly, Matt had to cover his face to stop the sip of water he just took from coming out his nose. 

Ryan giggled hysterically, watching Matt’s face redden as he tried to play it off as if nothing happened. “You okay, buddy?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I’m good,” answered Matt, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just wasn’t ready for that.” Ryan grinned blissfully, patting Matt on the back fondly.

“If it’s ‘When Harry met Jackson,’ does that mean he has to do the orgasm scene?” Harrison asked, pointing to his brother. 

Jackson let out an obnoxious orgasmic moan, complete with him closing his eyes and pulling his own hair, causing their table to erupt with laughter. Several other patrons turned to stare at them, either glaring or staring wide-eyed in shock.

“Stop!” quipped Matt, “They’re gonna tell us to leave before we even _order!”_

But luckily, their waitress stopped by minutes later, either completely unaware of the ruckus or oblivious to it.

Once everyone had gotten their plates, the conversation devolved into a myriad of different topics. Harrison and Ryan were discussing a movie that Ryan “just _had_ to watch.” Matt and Jackson argued about the best kind of sake to drink. Carson and Justin were debating something about Final Fantasy VII being the best game of the late 90's or something.

But after two rounds of buffet orders, Jackson slammed his hand down, eyeing everyone at the table. “What are the odds that Justin has to chug his entire glass of water?”

Eyes panned to the untouched glass sitting in front of Justin. He shrugged, “50.”

The two men counted down together,

“3, 2, 1…”

“14!” yelled Justin.

“48!” yelled Jackson simultaneously. “Dammit!”

Ryan rolled his eyes, “That’s not even a good one. We had a friend masturbate in a sushi restaurant once.” 

The group looked at each other, not questioning it, but not daring to ask about it either. 

Matt nodded at Justin, calling him out, “Justin, give us a better What Are the Odds.”

Justin thought for a while, rubbing his head as if to stimulate his thought process. “What are the odds you and Matt have to kiss each other on the lips right here in this restaurant?” he asked, his moustache twitching with glee.

Matt and Ryan grinned to each other, with Matt adding, “Oh, that’s _easy_.”

Harrison booed, “You can’t “What Are The Odds” that; they’ve done that already!”

In fact, there was internet evidence they had done that already, but no one was about to bring that up, as it had been several years since a kiss was actually featured in a sketch.

“No, no! What about, What Are the Odds you have to kiss each other with _tongue_?” Jackson suggested. 

Carson made a face, “Eww, here??”

“For 10 seconds!” laughed Harrison. 

Matt and Ryan looked at each other, both faces now grimacing instead of smiling. Matt raised an eyebrow, a silent “what do you think?”

Ryan frowned, “Okay, but we _both_ have to say the same number as Jackson.”

Matt nodded, “And if no one guesses the same number, Jackson and Harrison have to do it instead!” The odds that all three of them would say the same number was so incredibly low, there was no chance it’d work out against them, thought Matt. 

“Out of 10!” Jackson decided. Matt and Ryan nodded in agreement.

The three counted down, “3-2-1-”

“7!”

“7!”

“7!”

The group got wide eyed, and Jackson, Harrison, and Carson started howling with laughter. Justin looked almost guilty, his crooked smile showing regret.

“No wait-wait,” Matt tried, but he was barely audible above the laughing of the Tucker brothers. There was no way he and Ryan could pull that off, _that_ would be crossing a line. But when Matt looked over at his friend, pure determination showed on Ryan’s face.

Ryan leaned forward and grabbed Matt’s face, palms on both sides of Matt’s cheeks. The Tucker brothers were practically bouncing in their seats with excitement. The two boys craned their necks in slowly, having practiced that part a _lot_ for bits. The next part was new; instead of mashing closed-lips together, both boys' mouths were slightly open. Matt experimentally poked his tongue out, running it along Ryan’s. 

Ryan visibly winced and pushed Matt’s face back. “I can’t do it, dude!” he giggled nervously. “It’s too icky!” 

“Icky!?” Matt frowned, his brow furrowed, while the five others giggled together. “What are you, five?”

“What?” Ryan asked, taking in Matt’s dejected expression. 

“I didn’t think _your_ tongue was icky, ya big baby!” argued the skinny man. “I can do What Are The Odds just fine, but _you’re_ the one who always blows it.”

“You’re seriously mad at me because I won’t _make out_ with you for a dumb What Are The Odds?” Ryan raised an eyebrow in derision. 

“I _never_ forfeit a What Are the Odds! You’re ruining my reputation!”

“You didn’t do that one with Chris-chan-”

“Okay, but that’s the _only one,_ dude. Come on.”

“But I forfeit What Are the Odds all the time! Like the time I didn’t want to get that sound wave tattooed on me!” 

“That’s _your_ reputation, though! This is about _me_.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and huffed in mock-anger, “Oh, it’s always about _you_ isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it is!” agreed Matt. 

Ryan giggled, looking over at his other friends who were staring at the pair. 

“You guys look like a legit couple, arguing like that,” smiled Harrison, his face cradled in his palms. 

“Aww, how cute!” Carson cooed.

“A legit couple that can’t even kiss!” Matt commented snidely. 

Ryan threw his hands down on the table, “Fine, you wanna kiss, buddy? I’ll show _you_ how to kiss!” 

Ryan leaned forward, hands still flat on the table. Matt followed suit and bumped his nose against Ryan’s, using it as a point of reference to find Ryan’s mouth. Ryan was the braver one this time, opening his mouth wider, gently finding the side of Matt’s tongue and letting his own tongue glide alongside it. Matt raised his eyebrows, he wasn’t expecting Ryan to actually try, Matt expected that he’d just lay his tongue against Matt’s and that’d be it. Matt moved his mouth against Ryan’s, opening and closing their mouths slightly for more tongue-play. Not even 2 seconds in, Ryan let loose a low, “moooooooo.”

Matt pushed himself off Ryan, smiling, “God _damm_ it!” 

The table howled with laughter again. Ryan giggled and shrugged his shoulders at Matt. 

“Why do you not want to kiss me this badly?!” argued Matt.

“Oh, don’t put this on me! _You’re_ the one that stopped this time,” said Ryan, pointing a finger at Matt’s chest. 

“Because you _mooed_ at me!”

The five others started laughing again. Matt resigned his fight, and smiled with the others, but the rest of his muscles tensed as his mind raced. Maybe Matt was a bad kisser? Or his breath was bad? Or his tongue was weird? Matt felt his anxiety crawl along his neck in the form of goosebumps, and his previous care-free attitude was now marred with feelings of rejection. _This is stupid,_ Matt thought. _He didn’t even actually reject me. We’re not gay._ But even so, Matt felt like his friend owed him an apology. For what, he wasn’t yet certain, but he knew they’d have to talk about this later.


	2. Show Him You're That Type of Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writer's note: I have no idea what the other rooms of their office look like. 
> 
> Second writer's note: The chapter titles are references to Chromeo songs. The story title is a Barenaked Ladies lyric. Something something consistency

The sunset streamed through the window of the editing room, spilling light onto the newly built Ikea furniture scattered about the office. The lights in the room itself had been turned off, but the two boys inside either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care to turn them on. Ryan scooted his rolling chair closer to his desk, his computer screen illuminating his tired, but focused expression. He clicked on his mouse a few times, diligently arranging screens and boxes within the Open Broadcast Studio interface. 

Matt sat beside him, shifting in his seat to get comfortable. Matt seemed to be quiet today, not nearly as talkative as usual, and nervously bouncing his foot up and down. He kept adjusting the rim of his ball cap from center to slightly-left of the center, clearly an anxious tic.

Usually Ryan could tune Matt out when he was so fidgety like this, but today he was hyper-aware of Matt’s presence. Ryan could feel Matt’s eyes gaze over him, taking him in like a landscape or a painting. Out of the side of Ryan’s vision, he could see Matt lightly touch his own lips with his fingers, his eyes still concentrated on Ryan. 

Ryan chuckled, low and grumbly, “You thinkin’ about something, dude?” 

Matt straightened up, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. He quickly moved his hand to his thigh and replied, “No, I’m good.” 

Ryan shook his head. Matt was completely unaware of his transparency. “You were thinking about the What Are the Odds again weren’t you?” Ryan stated more than asked. “We haven’t talked about it since yesterday at the restaurant, but…”

Matt looked down in resignation, and then back at Ryan. 

Ryan’s shoulders slumped slightly, “Are you gonna be mad about this until we do something about it?” 

“I’m not mad I’m just…” Matt tried to hide a smirk, “... disappointed.” 

“Ok, Mom,” Ryan remarked, shifting in his office chair, spinning slightly to look at Matt. 

Matt shrugged, a vaguely more serious look in his eyes, “I don’t know, I just don’t want to give up so easy, you know?”

Ryan rolled his upper lip into his mouth, his mustache tickling his lips. Matt tried very hard to maintain eye-contact, but he couldn’t, his reddening ears giving away his nervousness. The silence between them felt heavy, with neither boy daring to ease the tension.

Finally, Ryan sighed, “... If we  _ do _ do it, how are we gonna prove that we did it?” 

Matt shrugged one shoulder, but then held up his hefty iPhone, “We could record it.”

Conceding defeat, Ryan scrubbed a hand over his face, “Fine, let’s just get this done so we can stop talking about it.”

Smiling with excitement, Matt propped his phone up against a couple empty cans on the desk. Ryan scooted the chairs side-by-side, so both of them could be seen in the camera’s view.

“Alright, no jokes this time,” decided Ryan. “We gotta do this in one take, so make it look convincing, like you’re enjoying it. That outta shut ‘em up.”

Matt nodded, understanding the commitment to the role. He leaned toward the desk, hit the record button on the screen, and plopped back down onto the chair. A few more anxiety filled seconds crawled past as the two boys stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Do we, like, countdown from 3?” Ryan started hesitantly, but Matt started to lean in as if to answer the question.

Their lips met again, with Matt taking the lead by reaching his tongue to find Ryan’s. Ryan was ready this time, and he slid his tongue against Matt’s. The movement of their kisses made wet, sucking sounds, making the make out seem that much more realistic. As if on cue, Ryan reached a hand out to squeeze Matt’s thigh, and Matt reached both hands up to touch Ryan’s face, the pads of his fingers scratching against Ryan’s beard. Ryan brought his other hand up to rest on Matt’s hip and squeezed it in his grip. Without meaning to, Matt let out a breathy moan of surprise, but there was a hint of something else too. Ryan jerked his head back, stopping the kiss, but he didn’t move from his position holding Matt. Ryan breathed heavily, his heart racing, and lifted heavy eyelids to match Matt’s stare. Matt put his hands back down into his lap and quickly glanced at where his phone was propped up, cursing under his breath.

“What?” asked Ryan, placing his hands back into his own lap as well. 

Matt motioned in the direction of the phone, and Ryan looked over to see it had fallen over, camera pointed at the ceiling instead of at them.

“Mother _ fucker _ !” Ryan groaned. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“What?! No, of course not, I’m not fucking dumb!” argued Matt, picking up the phone. He double-checked and, sure enough, there was no footage of the kiss, (but plenty of uncomfortable kissing noises.)

“Did you want to try again?” offered Matt.

“No! Fuck you, man, I can’t do this shit!”

“Ok, ok,” Matt lowered his voice, diffusing Ryan’s anger. “We don’t have to.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just, like,” Ryan tried to explain, his body tensing, “It takes a lot out of me. It’s stressful, I have to like... concentrate, and then I’m worried about making it too weird for  _ you _ …”

“That’s flattering,” Matt grinned, “But you’re worrying too much... Just pretend it’s like kissing a girl.”

“Is that what  _ you _ were doing?” Ryan shot back, his hand subconsciously scrubbing against the spot on his beard Matt had just caressed.

“Well, no…” Matt replied, guiltily. “But that’s because I know you too well. I know what your face and lips are like, it’d be too hard to imagine it being someone else.” 

Ryan could feel his face getting warm, but he shook it off, “Uh, um… Would it be weird if we try recording again or-”

“No, yeah, we can do that,” Matt answered, too quickly. 

Matt thumbed through his phone to erase the old video, then set up the camera again, wedging it between the computer monitor and the keyboard this time to steady it. Without even counting down, Matt pressed record and then grabbed for Ryan’s face. Ryan tensed up in surprise but quickly lost himself in the kiss, the sensation of Matt’s tongue now becoming familiar. The two of them nearly bummed teeth, kissing at angles that didn’t quite match up, but they found their rhythm within a few more clumsy tries. Ryan placed his hands on Matt’s waist carefully this time. Instead of Ryan’s face, Matt twisted his fingers in Ryan’s shirt, near his collar, then bravely moved a hand up to the back of Ryan’s neck. Matt let his fingernails scratch across the back of Ryan’s head. Ryan’s breathing stuttered as he grabbed Matt’s hips more firmly this time. Getting even more adventurous, Matt pulled Ryan’s bottom lip into his mouth and bit down softly. Ryan couldn’t stop the small moan that escaped him, and at the idea that he might be  _ enjoying  _ this, his eyes shot open in panic. 

A door creaked open behind them, “Hey guys--whoa!” exclaimed Jackson, walking through the office door with arms full of fan mail. 

Matt and Ryan spun quickly around in their chairs, facing Jackson instead of each other. 

“Should I … come back later?” he wondered aloud. 

Matt stood up and grinned confidently, “No, we were just finishing your stupid What Are the Odds!” 

Ryan was taken aback, how was Matt able to go from making out like a horny teenager back to his normal self so quickly? Was he faking it? And why did Ryan care, he was faking it too, wasn’t he?

“Oh really?” Jackson’s mustache curled upwards with his toothy grin, “Did you do it?” 

“Uh, duh, that’s what you just walked in on,” Matt answered, grabbing his phone to show the video evidence. 

Ryan and Matt watched as Jackson scrubbed through the video timeline, barely watching the video itself. Ryan scowled, knowing they had put extra work into it just for it to be ignored.

Jackson tsked loudly and started shaking his head, “You guys were sooo close… but this is only 8 seconds long.”

“What!” Ryan shouted, swiping the phone from Jackson’s hands. He and Matt watched in horror as they counted the seconds of the recording before Jackson came bursting into the frame behind them. 6… 7… 8… 

“Goddammit!” cursed Matt, “You can’t just count that as being really close?”

Jackson shrugged, the pattern of his tropical shirt bunching up at his shoulders, “I mean,  _ I  _ could. But we all would know that you didn’t  _ actually  _ complete it.” 

Matt contemplated for a second. 

“Matt,” Ryan begged, “Please, just accept that it’s over. This is as close as we’re going to get.” 

Matt frowned, “Alright, if you don’t wanna do it, I’ll accept it.”

Jackson went back to sorting through the mail, throwing it down on a desk behind Matt and Ryan. 

Ryan sighed in frustration, “Now you’re making this sound like it’s on me…” 

“I wasn’t trying to!” Matt argued. “I’ll accept it, I’ll accept it!”

“But you won’t, really,” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Be honest.”

Sheepishly, Matt shrugged, “I mean, no, but…” 

Ryan frowned, thinking aloud to himself, “So it’s not over then…”

Matt didn’t have the courage to answer Ryan, nor look at him. He adjusted the ball cap on his head once more and decided to distract himself by helping Jackson. Matt didn’t see Ryan leave the room, and Matt didn’t see Ryan take his keys with him.


	3. Let's Just Have A Night of One-on-one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fellas, is it gay to kiss your best friend?
> 
> Also vaguely NSFW stuff happens, it has been marked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize I've been updating weekly but I guess that's what I'm doing until I say otherwise. 
> 
> I may be avoiding finals by writing this but you know, what matters more? Passing a class or fanfiction? 
> 
> Also bless y'all for the kudos and comments. Every time I get a new one, my heart grows two sizes. <3

Ryan was mad at him, Matt was sure of it. They were only a third of the way through their late-night recording session, but it had become obvious that Ryan wasn’t interested in any conversation that wasn’t for the show. As soon as the record light was off, their banter ended. It wasn’t even a game Matt liked; it was Dark Souls, so he couldn’t even offer tips and suggestions for after the mics were off. It had been a long 2 hours.

Matt adjusted his glasses while waiting for Ryan to finish his bathroom break. Matt could feel the muscles in his limbs twitching in anxiousness. He probably looked like a wreck, fidgeting alone on the couch, but he couldn’t help it. The darkness of the night filled the windows in the small room, making Matt feel more alone than usual, as if the darkness was closing in on him; surrounding him.

And as soon as Ryan stepped back into the room, Matt couldn’t help blurting out, “Are you mad at me?”

Ryan had been wiping his wet hands on his t-shirt to dry them, but stopped to blink quizzically at Matt, “What?”

“Are you mad at me?” Matt doubled-down. “Because, like, you’re acting really weird and I want to know if I did something to cause it.”

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, then opted against it to first sit on the couch next to his friend. “Sorry, I’m not mad at you, Matt. I just... got a lot on my mind I guess.”

Matt lifted himself off the couch high enough to cross his legs underneath him before sitting back down. “You can tell me, if you want. I’m all ears.”

Taking a deep breath, Ryan looked down at his hands, exhaled, then looked back into Matt’s eyes. His stare was pensive, focused, “It’s about... earlier, actually.”

“Oh,” was the only word Matt’s brain could offer. It seemed to echo in the silence of the room. 

Ryan scratched the top of his head, searching for any kind of distraction before starting again, “I’ll tell you, but you gotta promise not to laugh.”

Matt held up a boy scout sign with his right hand, left hand placed over his heart, “I swear, scouts honor.”

Sighing, Ryan rubbed his hands together before he asked, “Is it… is it gay for us to keep kissing like that?”

Matt bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grinning.

“You promised not to laugh!” Ryan scolded, his face turning a cute shade of red.

“I’m not! I’m not! It’s just-it’s not gay, Ry, we’re friends. You’ve kissed Jackson and Harrison before and it wasn’t gay.”

“Well yeah, but I don’t feel anything when I kiss them,” admitted Ryan.

Matt was taken aback, “You feel something when you kiss me?”

Ryan’s face flushed again, “No-no, I-I mean like, like I just feel…” he waved his hand around as if to signify whatever it was he was feeling.

Matt stared hard at Ryan, his face stuck in a puzzled expression.

“Like… anticipation, I think? Like, I feel just  _ something  _ happening. I feel all bubbly and jumpy. Maybe that’s anxiety? I don’t know...”

Matt nodded, sort of understanding. “Well, do you think that you’d feel that way if you kissed someone that wasn’t me?”

Ryan looked off into the distance for a second before answering, “No… Maybe? Eh, I don’t think so.”

“Have you not… kissed anyone in awhile?” Matt asked, careful not to sound judgmental. 

Ryan glared at him anyway and Matt held his hands up in surrender, “It was just a question, sorry.”

Ryan hummed in thought, “I guess it  _ has  _ been awhile…” He rubbed the palm of his hand against his beard, looking off as if to try and remember the last time he was intimate with someone. 

Matt shrugged one shoulder, “Then maybe you’re just lonely. Well, maybe  _ we´re _ just lonely.”

Ryan’s eyes got wide, but he tried to play it off smoothly, “Do you… do you feel something when we kiss too?”

“... I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest, but… yeah, I think I do,” Matt said, nodding in agreement. “And... I like the feeling, I think, and I enjoy the kisses, but I know how much it stresses you out.”

“Yeah, sorry it’s… it’s just weird, dude,” Ryan frowned. “I don’t like having that weird tension between us.”

Matt agreed, “You don’t have to apologize. And we don’t have to finish the What Are The Odds if you don’t want to.”

Ryan sat up a little straighter, an invisible weight being lifted from his shoulders.

“I think you were right, 8 seconds is as close as we’re gonna get and if Jackson, Justin and Harrison don’t like it, they can suck a fat one.”

“A fat what?” teased Ryan, his smile wide. Matt felt relieved, Ryan was becoming himself again.

Trying to think of something funny to say, Matt stuttered, “A-a fat… penis?”

“I was gonna say “blunt,” but that works too,” Ryan laughed.

“You basically walked me into that one!” argued Matt. “We were just talking about gay stuff!”

“But we weren’t talking about  _ dicks _ !” shouted Ryan, “Unless, of course...,” Ryan’s eyes panned down dramatically, “... You were thinking about  _ my _ -“

“No, I wasn’t! Stop!” screamed Matt, his face getting hot. 

But Ryan doubled over in laughter, “I’m kidding! I’m just kidding!”

Although Matt’s face was still stuck in its scowl, his shoulders relaxed, sinking a little deeper into the couch next to his best friend.

…..

PS4 controller rumbling, TV blaring, Ryan mashed buttons as he moved his Sekiro character through another mob of enemies. A familiar ding from his phone alerted him of the outside world, trying to get his attention. Ryan put his controller down on his couch, taking a second to pause his playthrough and acknowledge whoever was bothering him. He checked the notifications and noticed Matt had texted him. 

“better call saul?” it read. 

Ryan grimaced, he and Matt had been spending a lot more time together at the office recently. They blamed it on the move from the Game Grumps office, but they’d been using that excuse for over a month at this point. And because they were working, they hadn’t really gotten to talk about anything other than Supermega-related content. Watching Better Call Saul was their “together” activity, neither boy watched even a minute of an episode without the other present. 

“You think he misses me already?” Ryan joked to Lego. The big fluffy dog was curled up on the floor next to Ryan’s feet, asleep until Ryan decided to stand up. He rubbed Lego’s head roughly, “Sorry, buddy. Daddy’s going to see Matt, okay?” And for some reason, just saying that out loud made his stomach flip. 

...

Ryan rang the doorbell of Matt’s house and was greeted by an intoxicated Jackson. 

“Yehere for Better Callsaul?” he slurred, slowly moving back and forth.

Ryan nodded quickly, laughing at Jackson’s attempt to steady himself on the doorframe, “You making drinks again, Jackson?”

“A couple slurp juices perhapsss,” Jackson grinned as he pushed up the glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose.

Ryan patted his shoulder as he walked into the house, “Maybe you should get one for me too.” 

“Comin righttt up!” Jackson called before running off to the kitchen, or at least whatever could pass for running in his state. 

Matt was already seated on the couch, holding a bag of popcorn in his lap. 

“Hey!” Ryan greeted, waving a timid hand. 

Matt looked up, an anxious look in his eyes. Ryan’s brows furrowed, why was Matt nervous? 

“Hey,” Matt responded after a beat, “I made popcorn!” 

Ryan fell into the seat beside Matt. “Sweet!” said Ryan as he grabbed two handfuls of popcorn and shoved them in his mouth. 

Matt frowned, “Come on, dude, this was for everyone.” 

“Wha?” Ryan asked around a mouthful of food. “You offered!” 

Ryan looked down and saw Matt had one of Jackson’s blue drinks in front of him, but it was untouched. He motioned to it, still chewing between words, “No good?” 

Matt looked at the drink, his glass dripping with condensation, and then back to Ryan, “I dunno, haven’t tried it yet. I was waiting for you to get here.” 

Ryan forced a chuckle. He was probably overreacting, but since when did Matt wait for him to start drinking at his own house?

Once Jackson brought Ryan his drink, the three of them said, “Cheers!” and chugged their drinks, swallowing the contents in a few gulps.

“More please!” Matt grinned.

Ryan patted his back, “Easy there, lightweight.”

Matt laughed haughtily, “I’m not as much of a lightweight as you think.”

“Prove it, then,” Ryan challenged, a smug look on his face. “Match me in drinks, I’ll bet you’ll be puking by the end of the night.” 

The two boys shook on it before starting up the next episode, with Jackson delivering them more drinks during slow parts of the show. The other Tucker Brothers, Carson and Harrison, went about their business around the house, only stopping to say hi or make fun of the show every once in a while. 

The three continued watching until 1am, when Jackson decided he was way too tired to keep drinking, so he dragged himself to his bedroom. Despite the big talk, everyone stopped at about 3 drinks in (Matt had 2 and a half.) The alcoholic buzz was just strong enough to keep the boys entertained, but not so much so that they’d have to spend the remainder of the night with their heads in a toilet bowl. Their nearly empty drinks sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, the glass reflecting the dim light of the tv, tinged with a bit of blue.

The latest episode’s credits rolling on the TV screen in front of them, Ryan and Matt were now alone on the couch.

“You tired too, buddy?” Matt asked, his eyes failing to keep focused on Ryan’s face while the room gently spun around him.

Ryan laughed, “If you want me to leave, you can just say so.”

Matt rubbed his face clumsily against Ryan’s shoulder, “I don’t want you to leave.”

Ryan’s insides felt warm, he liked the way Matt made him feel; wanted, special. Ryan put his arm around Matt and Matt leaned into it. “We could put on a different show?” offered Ryan. Matt hummed in agreement and picked the tiny black remote up off the table.

Matt chose a random sitcom on Netflix, neither really paying attention to it, even while watching the screen. Instead, Ryan would look down at Matt for a few seconds, then Matt back up at him, repeating this cycle throughout the episode, all while cuddling a little closer than before. After a few minutes, Matt perked his head up, his voice quiet in Ryan’s ear, “You want any more drinks bud?”

“You can’t even stand up,” teased Ryan, waving a hand to dismiss the idea.

“Hmmm watch me!” Matt replied, attempting to stand, then falling back into the seat next to Ryan. 

Ryan started laughing, pulling Matt closer so his head was resting on Ryan’s chest, “You’re cute when you’re wrong.”

They always joke-flirted like this during Let’s Plays, so this kind of commentary wasn’t acknowledged as weird at all. 

But then Matt asked, timidly, “You think I’m cute?”

Ryan didn’t let the hesitation phase him. “Of course I do!” he said, too loud. “Why would you doubt that?“

Matt shrugged the shoulder away from Ryan, “Well, you won’t even kiss me for a What Are The Odds so…,” then his face broke into a huge shit-eating grin.

“Oh fuck off!” Ryan laughed. He withdrew his arm from around Matt’s shoulders and Matt lost balance, falling backward onto the arm of the couch. 

“God, I’m fucking druuuuunk,” Matt moaned. His hat had fallen to the ground when he fell backwards so his hair looked a bit disheveled.

“You knowwww,” Ryan started, pulling at Matt’s arm again to get him upright, “We’re soo drunk, we could probably get that What Are the Odds done and not even remember it later.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Matt frowned, facing his friend. His better judgement was against it, but better judgement is not something you can conjure up while drunk off your ass. 

Ryan shrugged in an overly animated fashion, “We’d get a one-up on the Tucker Bros and Justin, and we could rub it in their face forrrevvverrr.”

“Oookay!” Matt agreed, without thinking too hard about it. And this time, Ryan set up his own phone in front of them to record, reducing the risk of unnecessary shenanigans from Matt. Ryan poked at the big red button, nearly knocking over his phone in the process, giggled, and leaned back onto the couch. Matt sat back and leaned into the couch too, smiling goofily at Ryan. The alcohol was clearly taking its toll on both of their facial expressions. The two couldn’t stop giggling while looking at each other, giddy with excitement and nervousness. 

“Ready?” asked Matt. 

Ryan nodded and then clumsily grabbed for Matt’s waist. 

~~~ VAGUELY SEXUAL THINGS OCCUR AFTER THIS POINT ~~~~

Matt put his hands on Ryan’s face and neck gently, chastely kissing Ryan’s lips before running his tongue along the opening of Ryan’s mouth. Ryan’s head was clouded with drunken warmth while he continued to paw at the shirt covering Matt’s hip bones. Ryan let his tongue lazily chase Matt’s into his mouth, and Matt let out too loud of a moan. It must have been the alcohol, Ryan decided. Without warning, Matt put one of his hands on the inside of Ryan’s thigh, with the back of his hand gently nudging Ryan’s dick. Ryan sucked in a breath, now noticing he was getting hard. Matt seemed to notice it too, as he inched his fingers even closer.

“T-touch me,” Ryan whispered, his voice unfamiliar to his own ears. 

Matt’s breath stuttered and he buried his face in Ryan’s neck to hide his reddening face. Matt moved his hand slowly toward Ryan’s crotch, then he dragged his fingers along the underside of Ryan’s dick. A voice somewhere in the back of Ryan’s head told him to stop this before it goes too far, but he couldn’t hear it over the pounding of his heart and Matt moaning in his ears. 

Feeling bolder, Ryan grabbed Matt’s legs and threw them up onto the couch, surprising the both of them. Matt, wild-eyed, stared at Ryan as he pushed at Matt’s chest until he lay with his back against the arm cushions. Ryan towered over Matt, straddling him, leaning down to quickly press his lips against Matt’s once more. Matt’s fingers wove their way through Ryan’s thick, dark hair while he panted into Ryan’s mouth. “Ryan…” he exhaled, then became silent, as if at a loss for words. To remedy this, Ryan ground his hips down against Matt’s, their erections rubbing against each other. 

“Ryan, fuck…” Matt moaned. 

Ryan hadn’t even registered before that Matt was hard too. Ryan took that as a good sign and continued humping Matt as they sloppily tried to resume making out. 

Ryan lifted his head up after a few seconds, inhaling loudly, as if gasping for air. He pressed his forehead against Matt’s and grabbed his shoulders as a steady point, moving faster. Finding Ryan’s hips, Matt took hold and used the leverage to grind upwards, meeting Ryan’s thrusts.

“Fuck,” Ryan moaned, “You’re so good to me, Matthew.” Their movements became more and more delayed and off-rhythm as they grew tired, their exhaustion finally starting to affect them. 

“Ryan, what the fuck are we doing?” Matt wondered aloud, his eyes closed from bliss. 

Ryan shook his head, his thrusting slowing to a stop, “I don’t know… but I like it.” 

“I like it too, I like you, Ryan,” Matt smiled. “You feelin’ sleepy, buddy?”

Ryan nodded, “Sorry, it just hit me all of a sudden.”

Rolling onto his side, Matt let out a loud yawn. He scooted forward on the couch, allowing Ryan to lay down behind him. “S’fine, I’ll just call you a giant cock-tease later,” Matt muttered. 

“I’m pretty sure you’ve called me that before anyway,” said Ryan, with a chuckle. Wrapping his arm around Matt, Ryan pulled them closer together, his erection pressing up against Matt’s back.

Surprised, Matt gasped, “Fuck, Ry, seriously?!”

Eyelids drooping, heartbeat slowing, Ryan hummed in response, “Can’t help it.”

“Absolute cock-tease,” Matt sighed, taking his glasses off and placing them on the table. He grabbed Ryan’s arm, placing a soft kiss on the back of his hand, and laced their fingers together. “G’night, Ry,” whispered Matt.

But Ryan was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any time I mention a video game in very little detail, it's because I have never played it.   
> I had to look up the fortnite juice name, even, haha


	4. There's No Turning Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys agree to start with a clean slate.  
> Yeah, that's gonna last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually re-read the chapter 3-4 times before posting because I'm a perfectionist, but I didn't have time to do that this week so sorry if there's errors or something doesn't make sense!!
> 
> Also there NSFW stuff in this chapter and it has been marked!!!!!

Head pounding, sunlight burning his eyes, Matt groaned as he awoke. He could feel a weight around this chest, and squinted enough through the brightness to see Ryan’s left arm draped across him.

“Fuck!” spat Matt, but quietly; he didn’t know how late/early it was yet. His own phone wasn’t in his pocket, but he could see Ryan’s still propped up on the table in front of them. Matt reached for it slowly and carefully, trying not to wake Ryan. He pushed the power button and it read “7:14 am.” 

“Fuck…” he groaned again. He rubbed his aching forehead, the hangover already starting to settle in. “What even happened last night?” Matt whispered, mostly to himself. He tried to think, he remembered alcohol and TV time but nothing specific, everything seemed to blend together like a thick soup in his head. He remembered… something about Ryan. Kissing him maybe? Or had Matt dreamt that? Something obviously must have happened for Ryan to end up on the couch as Matt’s big spoon, but  _ what _ ?

Curiosity getting the best of him, Matt flipped through the unlocked phone for any evidence and... bingo! They recorded a video of… the couch? Matt watched the video and turned the sound down low, just a notch above mute. He saw himself and Ryan huddled together on a couch, giggling, kissing (their new normal) and then, groaning… panting... Matt could feel his face burn as he watched the tiny screen. He saw himself and Ryan… dry humping? Was that the word? Matt tried not to look away. Watching the video felt way too close to walking in on your parents but it was  _ himself.  _ “Ryan, fuck…” he heard himself moan through the low-quality phone speaker. Jesus, he was obnoxious when he was horny. 

Suddenly, Ryan-in-real-life shifted sideways behind him. Matt quickly hit the power button to turn off the phone, stopping the video abruptly.

“... So we  _ did _ do that, huh?” said Ryan, his tone slow and even. He had sat up on the couch, staring down at his nervous friend.

Matt followed suit and sat up as well, grabbing his glasses from the table in order to see Ryan’s expression properly. But he didn’t have anything to add to Ryan’s comment. The two sat in awkward silence for a minute, another one of their new normals.

“... Why  _ did  _ we agree to do this “What Are The Odds?”” wondered Ryan, careful not to sound accusatory, rather, curious.

Matt shrugged, “I don’t know, I thought that us kissing wouldn’t be a huge deal.” 

Ryan nodded, processing this, “I don’t think I was thinking that far ahead when I agreed.” He fussed with his long, dark hair, re-tying it into a messy bun. He sighed in realization, “... But it  _ is  _ a huge deal… isn’t it?”

Matt shook his head, “It didn’t start out that way, but… like, it hurt when you turned me down so quick,” admitted Matt, an empty smirk accompanying his words. “So then it became a big deal to like… win you over? I don’t know.” This was too much to talk about while hungover. 

“I’m just… I’ve never been as open about kissin’ dudes as you,” Ryan thought aloud, his voice low as he focused his vision on the carpet below. “Maybe this anticipation-y feeling is caused by some weird repressed gay thing I’ve got going on. And then last night was me… acting out.” 

“I can’t say the same for me, I don’t know where that came from,” Matt tried to explain. “I don’t have any repressed feelings, but I’ve still never done  _ that  _ with a dude before. We just got so… so...” Sexual was the word he wanted to use, but the word kept getting caught in his throat, not yet ready to be said out loud. 

Ryan leaned his head back and growled in frustration, “Gah, why did we  _ do _ that!? I feel like a fucking idiot. Everything’s weird now…”

Matt reached for Ryan’s hand and held it in his own, “We don’t need to figure all this out right now, so, maybe let’s leave everything that happened last night, and whatever else we did this week, behind us for now, okay?”

Ryan looked into his eyes and nodded, “Clear our heads, start over, clean slate.” He glanced down at their clasped hands, then raised an eyebrow at Matt.

“Oh shut up, we’ve done more than hold hands for bits.”

“We did more than hold hands 6 hours ago,” Ryan shot back, a smarmy look on his face.

Matt could feel his ears heating up, “Clean slate, asshole! Clean slate!”

Ryan laughed, trying to lighten the mood, “I’m just messin’ with ya dude.” 

Matt punched his shoulder playfully, but the mood had changed between them. The tension wasn’t nearly as palpable, but it lingered for a while, making the idea of a “clean slate” sounding more and more impossible.

…..

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know, I tried calling him but it sends me straight to voicemail.”

Stepping carefully through the front door, Matt arrived at the office and could hear bits of The Tucker Bros conversation echoing through the main hallway. 

“Did he seem okay last night, after I went to bed?” Harrison wondered. 

“Yeah, at least, I thought so,” answered Jackson. “He was gone before I got up, though. Maybe he got sick or something.”

“Who are you talking about?” Matt asked, entering the editing room. Harrison, dressed in a nice button up and tight jeans, leaned back in one of the wheely chairs with his feet up on the desk. Jackson, clad in a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts, sat on the desk beside Harrison’s shoes. 

Harrison raised his head to acknowledge Matt, and then looked back down at his phone. “Our Mr. Magee, you seen him?” Harrison asked, scrolling nonchalantly through pictures on Instagram.

Matt froze, trying not to look as panicked as he felt. “I… no, why?”

“We’ve been trying to call him since noon,” Jackson said, “He’s not pickin’ up. We were supposed to get a bunch of paperwork done today for legality stuff. But, uh, now we’re kinda worried?” 

“It’s only been like 4 hours, man,” Harrison shrugged, “Give him some time, maybe he just went out somewhere.” 

“But he knew I was waiting for him,” Jackson grumbled. “Even if he had a last-minute doctor’s appointment or something, he would tell me about it. This… isn’t like him.”

Matt started to fidget, pulling on the hem of his Very Cool t-shirt and rolling his top lip into his mouth.

Seeing Matt´s expression change, Harrison laughed, easing the tension in the room. “It’s fine, guys. He probably just didn’t set his alarm to wake up. Y’all  _ were  _ up pretty late last night.”

“Yeah, haha,” Matt laughed, too loudly, searching for the keys to his sudan in his pocket. “You know what? M-maybe I’ll drive over and see what’s up.”

Jackson and Harrison exchanged confused glances, but nodded in Matt’s direction anyway. “Tell him he owes me for makin’ me wait,” Jackson smiled, though his tone sounded serious. 

“Will do!” yelled Matt, sprinting to his car.

~~~~

Pausing at Ryan’s front door, Matt took a deep inhale. He was only here because he was curious why Ryan hadn’t shown up at the office today, nothing more. At least, that’s what he told himself. He looked up and down the hallway of the apartment complex, somehow worried that anyone walking down it would think he’s suspicious. He adjusted his thick glasses a final time and exhaled, finally finding the courage to knock on the door. 

But there was nothing. No sound, no footsteps, nothing. So Matt knocked again and pressed his ear against the door. Ryan’s Fiat had been parked outside; unless he was on a walk, he  _ should _ be inside his apartment. He could hear Lego shuffling around the main room, his collar slightly jingly as he walked. That crossed “walk” off the list…

Matt dug a hand into his pocket and pulled out a lanyard with a few keys on it, (along with a USB drive and a couple video game keychains.) Finding Ryan’s apartment key, Matt unlocked the door. The key had been given to him for  _ emergencies only  _ and, well, this felt like an emergency to him.

He stepped carefully into the apartment and saw Lego, who immediately bounded up to Matt. “Hey, buddy!” Matt smiled, rubbing Lego’s head roughly. Taking a few more steps, Matt scanned the apartment quickly for any sign of Ryan. The main room, kitchen, and bathroom were empty, but Ryan’s bedroom door was closed. Maybe he  _ had _ overslept?

But then Matt heard something… familiar… It was a faint, but recognizable sound, coming from inside of Ryan’s room. It sounded like an old Vine or a voicemail from a friend. Matt pressed his ear right up against the door, trying to hear the sound more clearly. Matt attempted to place where he had heard this audio before. He heard giggling, then panting, then groaning. Why was that familiar…?

||||| NSFW STARTS HERE |||||

Matt could feel the hairs standing straight up on the back of his neck when he heard the well-timed moan of “Ryan, fuck…” being played from inside the room. Why was Ryan watching  _ that  _ video of all things? That’s when Matt heard Ryan groan back, “Mmm, Matt...” 

Matt flew backwards, staring at nothing but the doorknob in front of him as his mind raced. That line wasn’t in the video, that was… new. That was Ryan, live, in-person, audibly wanting him on the other side of that door. Before he could stop himself, Matt knocked on the door, “Ryan?”

The video noise stopped. Ryan’s noises stopped. Matt could hear a bit of footsteps, shuffling, then the squeak of the door opening in front of him. Ryan stood before him, face flushed, hair matted and messy, flowing down his shoulders. He wore a large t-shirt hiding his frame and some loose shorts which hung from his hips. To say Ryan looked like pure sex was just… just too appropriate.

Matt too looked flushed. And he was unable to control his eyes from wandering from Ryan’s brown eyes, to his junk, and back again. Subconsciously, Ryan ran his tongue along his lips, waiting for Matt to say something, anything.

Matt took a hesitant step forward, and he heard Ryan inhale sharply, expectantly. Grabbing for Ryan’s t-shirt, Matt yanked him forward and kissed him. Excited, terrified, Ryan shakily lifted Matt up off the ground by grabbing onto the backs of Matt’s thighs and slammed him up against the opposite wall. Matt was startled by the movement, but he didn’t complain. He carefully held Ryan’s head in his hands, running his fingers through Ryan’s hair as they deepened their kiss. Matt hummed in approval, abandoning the need to hide his arousal. Ryan was lucky as his gym shorts gave plenty of room for his growing erection. Matt and his tight pants were not so lucky, which only became more apparent as they continued making out. 

“Ry, my-my pants,” Matt choked out, his wrecked voice sounding foreign to his own ears. Understanding, Ryan set Matt down so he could open the fly of his pants, letting the erection in his boxers bounce forward, now only held back by cottony fabric. Before the awkwardness of the situation could sink in, Matt grabbed Ryan’s face again, running his tongue along the inside of Ryan’s mouth. Ryan moaned loudly and started to thrust into Matt who was now pinned against the wall by Ryan’s strong hands on his hips.

“Fuck,” Matt sighed, pulling on Ryan’s hair. Experimentally, Ryan bit down on the soft skin of Matt’s neck and Matt moaned again, his voice increasing in both volume and pitch. “Ryan, ahh!” It was getting a little overwhelming for the both of them, and Matt signaled this by placing a firm hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Ryan… not for nothing, but if you keep that up, I’m going to cum in my damn pants.”

Ryan looked at Matt with pupils blown to the size of quarters, “Do we… go to my bedroom then or…” 

Matt nodded vigorously and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s shoulders as Ryan picked him up again. Stumbling into his bedroom, Ryan tried desperately to avoid stepping on any garbage or articles of clothing he may have left on the floor. He threw Matt down onto his bed and straddled him. Matt looked back up at him, eyes dark and hungry. Ryan pulled Matt’s t-shirt off him, Matt’s skinny arms getting stuck in the sleeves for a brief moment. Matt’s glasses fell off in the fumble, but he decided quickly he didn’t need them right now. Following suit, Ryan peeled off his own black t-shirt and threw it to the floor.

Ryan had a strange, frustrated look on his face for a second so Matt asked, “What is it?”

“Don’t make fun of me… but I don’t know how gay sex works.” 

Matt bit back a laugh, “What do you mean?”

“Like, what do we do from here? I don’t know guy-on-guy foreplay.”

“Why do you assume I know?”

“Ok, but… do you?” Ryan sounded desperate, his gravelly voice low and gentle.

Matt licked his lips quick and grinned, “Do whatever feels good, Ry.”

Leaning down for another kiss, Ryan placed his hands on Matt’s chest. He slid them down, through the few chest hairs Matt had, then stopped at Matt’s hip bones. Working Matt’s pants off his hips, Ryan pulled at the belt loops of Matt’s jeans. Matt’s erection was clearly visible, pressing against the fabric of his underwear. Cautiously, Ryan rubbed his palm over the bulge in Matt’s boxers. Matt bit his lip, moaning quietly, wanting more but being patient enough for Ryan to take his time getting comfortable. Ryan worked the boxers down as well, assuming the noise Matt made was a good one. The anticipation ate at Matt’s insides as he watched Ryan admire his stiff cock. Slowly, Ryan began to stroke him, watching Matt’s face to make sure he was doing it right. Not being able to restrain himself any longer, Matt bucked up into Ryan’s hand. Ryan took that as his signal to stroke faster, and Matt threw his head back, eyes closed. “Oh my goddd,” breathed Matt, grabbing at the mattress for purchase. Ryan removed his hand to spit on his palm, and then continued his pace, focusing on the leaking head of Matt’s dick. Experimentally, Ryan used his other hand to fondle Matt’s balls, pressing his thumb up against the tough bit of skin behind them.

“Oh fuck, Ryan, fuckkkk,” screamed Matt, now humping Ryan’s hand with wild abandon.

“Cum for me, baby,” crooned Ryan. Where was the sweet talk coming from? Matt didn’t know, but he wanted it,  _ needed  _ it. His voice sounded choked, strained, “Ryan, I’m gonna cum...”

Ryan kept up his pace until he could feel the first tremors of Matt’s orgasm, slowing down to admire Matt’s pleasured expression. “Oh my God, oh my God, fuckkk,” Matt gasped as the first spurts of cum painted his chest. Ryan kept stroking until every droplet had been squeezed out of Matt’s cock, pooling onto his stomach. Matt didn’t want to move; he probably couldn’t have if he tried. Ryan leaned toward his bedside table, pulling some kleenex out of the little box on top of it.

“Jesus Christ, Mathew…” Ryan looked at him in disbelief, wiping away the jizz on Matt’s stomach. He balled up the kleenex and tossed it into a bin across the room.

Matt braced himself for an insult, or a bad joke. Maybe something about how gay or disgusting this was.

But instead Ryan leaned down to capture Matt’s lips, then growl into his ear, “You sound like a goddamn pornstar when you cum. It’s so fucking hot, dude.”

Matt’s dick twitched in excitement, but he was beyond spent at this point. Removing his pants but pulling his boxers back up, Matt shifted on the bed to hang his legs over the side. With that done, he pulled Ryan next to him, motioning for Ryan to move his legs over the side as well. Matt grinned, sliding off the bed to crawl between Ryan’s legs. placing kisses on Ryan’s cock through the fabric of his gym shorts. Swiftly, nearly expertly, Matt pulled off Ryan’s boxers and shorts in one quick tug. Ryan’s hardened dick bounced upward with the movement. Moving his face closer to Ryan’s crotch, Matt began to place kisses on Ryan’s cock again, starting at the base and working his way up to the glistening head. Testing the waters, Matt sucked on the tip for a few seconds then stopped, releasing Ryan’s dick with an obscene pop noise. 

“Are you, you’re okay with doing this?” Ryan asked, slight worry creeping into his words. 

And instead of answering, Matt took the entire length into his mouth and used his tongue to flick at the sensitive bundle of nerves near the tip.

“Oh my-fuckk,” Ryan groaned, placing a hand on the back of Matt’s head. Matt continued bobbing up and down enthusiastically, fueled by the sighs and gasps he could pull out of Ryan. Ryan thrusted his hips upwards involuntarily, and Matt nearly choked on his dick. He had to pull himself off, coughing while looking up at Ryan. 

Ryan’s face was nearly entirely red, and he sputtered out, “S-sorry! Are you okay?”

Matt nodded, “Yeah, I’m good, just warn a guy next time.” He grinned up at Ryan and Ryan ran his fingers through the hair on the back of Matt’s head. “Keep going, baby, please. I’m so close.” 

Matt had never heard Ryan call anyone “baby” in this context. Realizing that Ryan was using it to talk about  _ him _ sent a rush of arousal through his body. He ran his tongue along the underside before taking Ryan’s entire cock into his mouth again. 

Ryan moaned, low and desperate, “That’s it, baby.” 

Matt bobbed up and down, feeling Ryan’s dick twitch in his mouth as he grew closer to orgasm. Sinking even lower, Matt let the tip of Ryan’s cock hit the back of his throat, then contracted around it.

“Oh-oh, fuck,” Ryan moaned as he came down Matt’s throat. Matt fought the urge to cough again, but he made it, releasing Ryan’s dick as it started to soften. Ryan moved his hand from the back of Matt’s head to stroke his thumb against his cheek, “Fuck, you’re good at that.”

Matt smiled, proud, “Thanks, I’ve had absolutely no practice.”

Ryan laughed, falling back onto his bed. Shifting so his legs were under the sheets, Ryan patted the space next to him, “Come lay with me.”

Matt didn’t need to be asked twice before hopping into Ryan’s bed, the older man acting as the big spoon again. Ryan kissed the back of Matt’s neck softly while wrapping an arm around Matt’s waist. Subconsciously, Matt leaned back into the kisses, smiling blissfully. 

“Shoulda figured you were a cuddler,” teased Matt.

Ryan chuckled, “‘Course I am, that’s 100% bear territory.”

“God,” Matt giggled. “That’s not even a joke anymore is it? That’s, like… that’s legit.”

“That’s more than I want to think about right now,” admitted Ryan. “Just let me spoon you in peace.”

Matt turned to his side to kiss Ryan softly, “Alright, but should we… should we talk about this?”

Ryan sighed, frustration edging into his voice, “You always want to-fine, it’s fine…” He nuzzled his nose against Matt’s ear, “What do we talk about?”

Shuddering at the feeling of Ryan’s breath in his ear, he tried to collect himself before speaking. “So we… we’re into each other. Like sexually.”

Ryan hummed in agreement, continuing to nip at Matt’s ear. 

“Does this change anything?”

Matt could feel Ryan shrug against him. “I mean, we’re still friends. We’re still Matt and Ryan from Supermega.”

“Just… now we have sex sometimes?”

“I guess?” Ryan huffed, collecting his thoughts. “I don’t know man, this is all so new and like… I don’t want to think about it right now, I’m not in the right headspace.”

Matt bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. He’d been on Ryan’s bed before, and looked at these same white, un-decorated walls, but now he felt… uneasy. Uneasy and cold and naked, despite still wearing underwear. Beside him, Ryan seemed so at peace, his eyes closed and his breathing slow and warm. He hugged Matt tighter, and Matt sunk into the embrace, desperate to just live in the moment. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, thinking about anything else but this room.

“You know you gotta come back to the office, right?” Matt remembered suddenly. “Jackson had paperwork for you or something.”

“Oh shit, sorry!” apologized Ryan, now sitting up. “I honestly forgot I had to go in, but I  _ was  _ working on stuff here.”

Matt raised an eyebrow, “Jerking off is considered work now?”

“It was my lunch break!” he argued, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

Matt couldn’t help but laugh, “ _ Lunch break _ ? And what were you having?  _ Sausage?” _

Ryan huffed, “Big talk for someone who just had a dick in their mouth.”

Matt rolled his eyes, “Good one. Try using that comeback later and see how it works out for you.”

Ryan put on a fake low voice, joking, “Cocksuckersays _ whaaaat?” _

“... I really hate you, I hope you know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only allow certain slang words for "penis," so, sorry if seeing the same few words gets boring, but I cannot with the word "member" or "rod."


	5. You Make Me Wanna Make a Bad Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please, boys, keep it in your pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late!  
> In all honesty, I could nOt think of how the last sex scene would go.  
> I guess that's what you get when you write smut with a plot haha. 
> 
> NSFW has been marked!

After nearly 5 minutes of convincing Ryan to leave the bed, the two picked up their clothes strewn about the messy room. Matt offered to drive Ryan back to the office, so they did, everything feeling exactly the same as it had before, so much so that Matt wasn’t fully convinced anything had even happened. 

That is, until they saw Jackson and Harrison, sitting, bored in their editing room. 

“Ugh, what took you guys so long?” asked Harrison, innocently enough.

Alarm bells started going off in Matt’s head. He and Ryan hadn’t talked about how they were handling this yet. Do they tell people what’s going on? What _was_ even going on?

“We were having sex, ha _ha_ ,” Ryan responded with mock-pride. 

Matt’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

Jackson laughed, short and sarcastic, “Sweet, dude! Now, can you _please_ sign these friggin’ legal documents so I can send them to the proper people. I’m gonna get lawyers on my ass, dude. I hate lawyers anywhere _near_ my ass.”

He shoved a stack of papers into Ryan’s chest. Ryan turned to Matt quick, raising his eyebrows as if to say, “See? Nothing to worry about.” Then he walked off to a far-away desk, needing to focus on what he was reading before he signed it.

Matt shook his head in utter disbelief, but he felt grateful that at least one of them knew how to handle themselves.

~~~~

By the time Ryan was done with the paperwork, he looked up to see everyone else had left the room. The setting sun painted the empty desks with a warm, orange glow. Taking the stack of papers with him, Ryan wandered through the Supermegaplex, looking for his friends. He found Matt fixing the stage of the Drunk Drawing set, moving the plants so they stood exactly the same distance from the couch on each side.

“Hey, where’s Jackson?” Ryan asked nonchalantly.

Matt nearly jumped into the air and Ryan laughed, “Did you forget I was here?”

“No, of course not, I’m just focused on moving all this junk to look better on camera.” He adjusted his glasses and looked at the set from farther away, using his fingers to frame the scene, double checking every detail. 

Ryan nodded, setting his papers down on the cheap, wooden table that stood in front of the couch. 

“Jackson and Harrison went to get food cause they were sick of waiting for you,” Matt grinned, an eyebrow raised.

“I made an honest mistake, leave me alone,” responded the grumpy one, plopping down on the couch between the fake ferns. 

“Which part was the mistake?” Matt asked smugly.

Ryan couldn’t shake the embarrassment of being caught red-handed in his room earlier, and his reddening face gave him away. However, he didn’t want Matt to have the upper hand here, so he tried to think of the most crass thing he could possibly say.

“The mistake was allowing you to suck me off instead of letting me spread those tight little cheeks of yours,” Ryan grinned, leaning back to put his arms over the back of the couch, satisfied with his answer.

And, oh, if looks could kill…

“ _Ryan!_ Someone’s gonna catch on if you don’t shut _up.”_

Matt stood in front of him, arms crossed and fuming, but clearly shaken up. 

“Sorry. You asked,” smiled Ryan, acting innocent. “Come on, baby, sit next to me.”

Matt blushed even harder, but he didn’t argue, sitting on Ryan’s right side. Ryan started rubbing Matt’s back as he slouched forward, something he’s done many times before. But then, Matt caught him off guard. 

~~~~~~ NSFW ~~~~~~

Out of nowhere, Matt leaned over and grabbed Ryan around his waist. He nuzzled his face against Ryan and started kissing his neck. “O-oh!” Ryan gasped in surprise. Had he had more time to think about it, maybe he would’ve pushed Matt away, but the shock of it had him frozen, trapped beneath Matt as he peppered Ryan with kisses. Then Matt worked upwards, letting his teeth catch on Ryan’s earlobe. 

Ryan shuddered with anticipation, putting a hand on Matt’s waist as Matt climbed the rest of the way onto Ryan’s lap. Ryan’s breathing began to get heavier and Matt kept kissing his ears, his neck, his face. Matt pulled on Ryan’s man-bun, loosening the long locks of brown hair, and moaned in Ryan’s ear, remembering Ryan’s weak spots.

“Matt, fuck, I don’t want you to stop, but someone’s gonna come in, dude,” worried Ryan.

Matt leaned back, his hands holding onto Ryan’s shoulders, and studied his face. Then there was that smarmy, shit-eating grin again, “Who’s got the upper hand now, Magee?”

Ryan was speechless, being beaten at his own, non-existent game. How could Matt read him that easily? Leaning forward, the skinny man kissed him, this time on the lips. Running his tongue along the opening of Ryan’s mouth, they deepened it, their kissing becoming more frantic and needy. Ryan gripped Matt’s hips and shifted him backward, gently. The head of Ryan’s cock was positioned right up against Matt’s ass, and he could feel it too.

“Oh, you want me _bad_ , don’t you?” Matt smiled, eyelids heavy as his demeanor transitioned. Son of a bitch, Ryan would’ve never guessed Matt was into this domination and control kink. Though, Matt was much kinder and gentler about it than Ryan had seen played out in adult movies. And he never would’ve guessed he, as vanilla as vanilla could be, would be turned on by it too. 

“Matt, I swear to God, if you give me blue balls, I’m cutting yours off,” Ryan growled.

“Sounds like a _you-_ problem, dude.” 

Fucking _christ_ , how was this so hot and frustrating at the same time?

But then they heard footsteps, and a distant conversation echoing through the hallway.

“Fuck!” the two shouted in unison. In his panic, Ryan lifted Matt up off his lap and threw him to the other side of the couch. Disoriented, Matt grabbed for the arm of the couch but fell onto the ground instead. 

“Ow!” Matt yelled, directing his annoyance and pain at Ryan. Ryan could’ve apologized, but in all honesty, he wasn’t sorry.

~~~~~~ NSFW END ~~~~~~

Jackson and Harrison walked in carrying big plastic take-out bags. “We brought Chinese food!” Jackson yelled excitedly. 

“Let’s go to the kitchen, I don’t want to make a mess in here,” said Harrison, quickly glancing at the work Matt had put into the set. “Nice! It’s finally symmetrical.”

“Right?” Matt exclaimed. He followed the Tucker brothers out of the room, then turned to see Ryan still stationed on the couch. “You comin’?” Matt wondered.

Ryan closed his eyes for a few seconds before fixing a glare on Matt’s blank face. “You’re going to have to give me a minute, I can’t stand up right now.”

Matt laughed, full, loud, and unapologetic. “Do you want me to help at all or-“

 _Help?_ That motherfu- “Get. Out,” Ryan demanded. He swung his hand dramatically, pointing to his exit. 

Matt laughed on the way out the door and it echoed throughout the hallway even after he was out of sight.

~~~~

Computers whirring, consoles humming, Ryan stood alone in the Let’s Play room, making sure all the equipment worked well before starting another session. For the most part, Ryan and Matt had calmed down since their encounter earlier in the Drunk Drawing room, which was good, because they were about to strap into a good 5 hours of Let’s Play recording. Despite the fact that Matt wasn’t in the room, and hadn’t been for several minutes, Ryan still couldn’t stop thinking about him. He couldn’t stop thinking about _why_ he was thinking about Matt, either. Because, like, _why was he thinking about Matt??_

Though half a decade’s worth of material stated otherwise, Ryan had never thought about himself being physically interested in Matt. He _did_ think Matt was handsome, that was always true. And, if he was being honest, Matt had a charming smile. He was tall, taller than Ryan even, and lanky, and had a cute little butt. And although he knew all these things were true, they didn’t necessarily draw him to Matt. So then, the question was, what _did_?

“I found it!” Matt grinned, finally walking into the room. He held up their copy of Pikimin 2 for Ryan to see. 

“Nice, dude,” congratulated Ryan. “I’m going to set up the mics and then I think we’ll be ready. Can you get the TV all set up?”

“Got it,” answered Matt, getting down in front of the TV to find their little purple console.

Ryan ran between the computer and the mics, testing sound as a way to distract himself, but the thoughts persisted. If the superficial physical details weren’t what was getting him riled up, what was? He certainly couldn’t deny this new feeling he had with Matt, but he sure was having a hard time defining the fuckin’ thing. Sitting, hunched on the floor, was Matt. His long limbs looked tangled as he tried to reconnect a Gamecube AV cable to the back of their TV. Ryan took a bit longer to look over Matt than normal, trying to “check-out” the younger man for the first time. Thoughts flashed through his mind of earlier, in his apartment: the breathy sound of Matt’s moans, the grip of his bony fingers on Ryan’s shoulders, the way his mouth parted as he came. Ryan shook his head, feeling the arousal start to work through his body; he needed to focus. Luckily, Matt hadn’t noticed that Ryan had tightened the same mic stand 3 times in a span of 5 minutes. 

Matt stood up, giving Ryan a quick nod and smile before leaning against the door frame in a way that was totally not sexy whatsoever. He took out his iPhone and Ryan watched as his thumbs scrolled through news and memes. He was waiting for Ryan to be ready, but didn’t want to get in Ryan’s way either.

“Umm,” Ryan started, then didn’t finish. He was literally getting hot and bothered over Matt, so he had to do something, _say_ something. He stared at Matt, his eyes still glued to his phone, then Ryan panicked, turning away suddenly. Maybe Matt hadn’t heard him, he decided. Which was good, because how the fuck do you start a “hey I think you’re hot and I want you” conversation??

“... Did you say something?” Matt asked, now standing up straight, phone back in his pocket. 

_Dammit,_ Ryan’s mind raced for an answer, “I, um, yeah, so we have a little bit of extra time before we like, _need_ to record, so, uh…” Ryan looked him right in his soft, blue eyes, a stark contrast against his own completely red face. He needed to get this out, the one-sided sexual tension was suffocating. “... D’wanna have sex?”

A pregnant pause followed his question. _Jesus Christ_ , Ryan could think of _mountain ranges_ smoother than that line.

Matt raised his eyebrows, and laughed, but then Ryan didn’t say anything else. “Are you-you’re not kidding.”

Flustered, Ryan turned away, hiding his face as it grew even hotter. He crouched down, unplugging and replugging XLR cables on the ground in front of the couch, “Nevermind, that was fucking stupid.”

“No-no-I just wasn’t, um,” Matt stuttered. “I, is that how you proposition women?”

“I said _nevermind_ , Jesus.”

“I’m not saying no, Ryan, I just… I guess I was expecting something more sultry maybe.”

Ryan turned his head, looking up at Matt incredulously, “ _Sultry?_ When have I _ever_ been sultry?”

Now it was Matt’s turn to blush, fiddling with the hem of his “Ikea Waldo” shirt. “I think you can be, you’ve got that low voice and all.”

Ryan laughed, “You like my low voice?” he said, doing his best Joe Swanson impression.

Matt tried his best not to smile, “If you use _that_ low voice, no.”

~~~~~~ NSFW ~~~~~~

Ryan stood up. Miraculously, he gathered up all his courage to walk slowly toward Matt, attempting a saunter but forgoing the idea half-way through. He put his hands loosely on Matt’s ears, carding through his hair as he kissed him softly. “Matthew,” Ryan growled, and he could feel Matt twitch under his fingers at that simple word. He nuzzled his nose against Matt’s and exhaled softly, adding, “Matthew… I want you.”

Ryan felt Matt’s knees give slightly and he grinned. Maybe he _could_ be sultry. Ryan lifted Matt’s shirt enough to lightly press his fingertips into Matt’s back. Even just the small touch of skin on skin sent electricity through his bones. 

“Should we…sit down somewhere?” Ryan asked, his voice still low. 

Matt looked around, as if searching for an answer. “How sleazy would it be if we had sex on our Let’s Play couch?”

“I’m not fucking driving home and back, so-” 

Matt pulled Ryan by his classic black t-shirt to the couch. Ryan bounced as he hit the seat cushion. Matt fell onto the one beside him, wasting no time in grabbing Ryan’s face to pull him in for a kiss. Ryan sighed, blissfully. Kissing Matt felt so comfortable yet so exciting and new every time. Matt climbed on top of Ryan again, straddling him on the couch. Ryan reached out to rub his palm against Matt’s growing erection. Matt let out a soft whine and pressed up against it, needing the friction. Quickly opening the button of Matt’s pants, Ryan worked Matt’s dick out of his boxers and into the warm, recording room air. He fisted it slowly, carefully, watching the pleasure wash over Matt’s face.

Matt bit his lip, trying to suppress his moans to no avail. Matt grabbed Ryan’s head and started to roughly fuck Ryan’s hand. Placing his hand on Matt’s stomach, Ryan looked up. “Hold on, baby, I’ve got an idea.” Ryan pushed Matt backwards, softly, and Ryan took off his pants. Matt followed suit, and Ryan was thankful he did. ”Turn around,” commanded Ryan, and Matt did as he was told. “Sit on my lap, baby.”

Matt did so, but looked at Ryan over his shoulder, frowning, “But now I can’t see you.” Ryan splayed his right hand against Matt’s stomach, and wrapped his left around Matt’s cock. 

“Oh!” Matt gasped, involuntarily arching his back.

“I want to _feel_ you,” Ryan said, rubbing his face against Matt’s back. Understanding, Matt stood up quickly to remove the rest of his clothes. 

“You know, the least you could do is also be naked,” Matt realized. 

“You’re still wearing glasses!” Ryan argued. 

Matt threw them off carelessly and looked at Ryan with disdain. 

_“Fine,”_ Ryan sighed, removing the rest of his clothing as well. “It just… it feels weird being naked in here.”

“You’ve been naked in here before!”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t like _this,_ ” Ryan said, and he punctuated his statement by pulling Matt back down onto his lap, his erect cock pushing against Matt’s ass. 

“Oh, fuck,” Matt groaned as Ryan started stroking him again. Wanting to tease Ryan, Matt rocked himself backward to rub his ass against Ryan’s dick . 

Ryan let out a choked moan, surprised at the action, “Fuck, dude, this was supposed to be about _you._ ”

“Can’t help it,” Matt whined. “I want to feel you too.” 

Ryan continued to stroke him, faster and faster, his other hand pressed firmly against Matt’s chest, holding him steady. Matt arched backward again, his upper body curled over Ryan’s shoulder. “Fuck, I’m gonna, cum, dude,” Matt whined. Matt’s body started to writhe in pleasure, his muscles tensing as he neared his orgasm. And maybe it was the heat, or the friction, or Matt’s needy cries, but Ryan was nearly there as well. 

Matt gasped, his nails digging into Ryan’s thighs. “Fuck, Ryan, I’m cumming!” 

Feeling Matt’s cock tremble in his hand, Ryan stopped stroking, and instead thrusted hard against Matt’s ass, his dick throbbing, aching.

“Oh, fuck, Matt!” Ryan groaned. He pushed Matt forward, using his right hand to stroke himself a few more times before releasing his load on Matt’s back.

 _Oh no_ , Ryan didn’t move, he didn’t know what to say. Seconds passed like hours, the silence of the room far too loud.

“... Did you just cum on me?” Matt asked, quietly, not even turning around. 

Ryan was thankful Matt didn’t see his reddening face. He stuttered, apologizing, “I-I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean- I didn’t realize I was that close! Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Matt turned his head enough to quickly capture Ryan’s lips, “You get _that_ turned on just by watching me?” 

“I did more than fucking watch... but yes,” Ryan admitted. 

“... That’s kinda hot,” Matt blushed, standing up. He searched the room for paper towel or toilet paper to clean himself up, and settled for a roll of Bounty hidden beneath the table. After wiping himself off, he threw the roll to Ryan. 

“I’m glad you think so, I feel like that fuckin’ American Pie dude,” said Ryan, shaking his head.

Matt laughed, “So am I the hot foreign girl or the pie?”

Picking up his clothes from the ground, he found Matt’s underwear and threw it at his face. “Pfft, you’re definitely the flute girl.”

“The band camp girl?” Matt shrugged, “You know, she’s kinda cute, so I take that as a compliment.”

“Cuter than me?” Ryan grinned, making a joke. 

Matt buttoned his pants before leaning down to kiss Ryan’s cheek. “Nobody’s cuter than you, babe.”

Though the comment was innocent, Ryan felt himself blush again, and buried his face in his t-shirt before putting it back on. “So, Pikmin 2?”

Matt patted the carpet beneath him, trying to find his glasses in the low light, “I can’t see, I put the case down somewhere.”

Ryan ran his hand against the top of the table, finding a hard, plastic case, but it was covered in something warm and sticky.

“Oh dude,” Ryan groaned, wiping his hand on his gym shorts. “You splooged all over it!”

Matt looked at the case, wide-eyed, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” 

Ryan laughed and grabbed another paper towel. “S’fine. Let’s call it even then, yeah?”

“As long as you promise to never _ever_ use the word “splooge” in that context again.”

“Eh, can’t promise anything,” Ryan shrugged. He sat back down on the couch, now finally ready for the recording to start. Once Matt was dressed, he grabbed a Wavebird controller and sat on the couch, cuddling up next to Ryan. Ryan placed an arm around Matt’s shoulders, feeling Matt’s warm body against his. Oh, he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your beautiful and wonderful comments. I love y'all, for real. <3
> 
> also sorry if you're skipping the sex stuff and are v confused about the plot. They're kind of hand-in-hand at this point, but I'll mark it anyway.


	6. Didn't You Get The Memo?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you've learned important life advice from a google search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shorter! I haven't quite figured how I want to set up the next bits, but I thought of this scenario and it made me laugh so I wrote it. 
> 
> NSFW: There's sex mentions within the whole friggin chapter so I suggest skipping it if you don't want to read it.

Matt wanted to have sex with Ryan. Like actual sex. Like “fuck me in the ass” sex. 

But as much as he wanted it, he was nervous, or rather, terrified of the idea. Matt himself had never put  _ anything  _ inside uh,  _ there _ , though he joked about it often. And it was somehow supposed to stretch far enough to accommodate more than a finger or two?  _ How? _

Searching through wiki-how articles and forums on his phone, Matt sat up in his bed, his mind frantic. Sure, he had only woken up 15 minutes ago, but his calm, morning wake up was overshadowed with creeping sexual thoughts. He continued to google, searching for advice or maybe even a step by step diagram of how gay sex was supposed to work. Like he knew the general idea, obviously, but at what point does the assumed pain turn to pleasure? Oblivious to how worked up his owner was, Banana laid on top of Matt’s legs, curled up and snoring. 

“Why are most of these searches just linking to porn?” Matt whined, frustrated. Not that he hadn’t tried watching  _ that  _ for tips, but it was too difficult to distinguish who was acting vs actually enjoying themselves. Continuing his search, he looked for questions from other anal-virgins. He saw the same pattern in every answer; prep, lube, stretch, pleasure. But no real answer on how to do any of those steps, just “practice.” Was the whole internet playing a joke on Matt? It was literally implying he needed to go fuck himself.

Matt climbed all the way out of bed and stretched his long limbs. Banana, upset from being awoken, meowed loudly and jumped onto a nearby dresser. Still wearing his clothes from the day before, Matt quickly changed into a new, plain-colored t-shirt and jeans, ready to go into work. Harrison caught him before he walked out the front door.

“Carpool?” he said, grinning widely at Matt.

Matt frowned, “Why didn’t you go to the office when Jackson did?” 

“Because that loser wanted to go in at like 9am,” Harry sighed, rolling his eyes more dramatically than the situation called for. “Please, can I go with you?”

Matt shrugged a shoulder, but nodded, and Harry happily bounded behind him. The two slid into the front seats of Matt’s car.

“Can I use your phone to put on some music?” Harry asked, knowing Matt’s phone was connected via bluetooth.

“Sure, go ahead,” agreed Matt, without thinking. He turned the keys in the ignition and started them on their “morning” commute. The engine roared with life as the car merged its way into the suburban traffic.

Unlocking the phone, Harrison took one look at the open applications and whistled. “‘Gay sex first time advice?’” Harry read off the search bar.

Matt panicked.  _ Shit _ , he thought he had cleared all that stuff. But he could play this off; Ryan had played it off.

“You got something you wanna tell me, Matty?” Harry asked slyly, a slight smile dancing on his lips.

“I-I pranked ya! Ha _ ha, _ gotcha!” Matt joked. But Harrison didn’t laugh. “It’s not-I’m not really-it’s just a goof. It’s for, it’s for a sketch. For Supermega.”

Harry raised an eyebrow, “I don’t know, you’re getting awfully flustered over there.”

Matt could feel his palms slipping from the steering wheel, coated in sweat. 

Harry laughed, “It’s okay man, you don’t have to tell me.” He patted Matt’s knee to reassure him, but Matt frowned. Opening the Spotify app, Harrison started to scroll through different playlists.

“...I do have some experience in that area, should you need advice, though,” Harry added.

Matt’s eyes lit up at that, he  _ did  _ have a few burning questions. But also,  _ why  _ did Harrison have experience with this? 

Matt paused for a bit and asked, “F-for the sketch, I was trying to figure out how much anal sex hurts for a guy, if it does hurt.”

Harry found a slow, jazzy stream to listen to and it helped the mood change from uncomfortable and awkward to something more laid back and relaxed. “Any kind of sex can hurt if you do it wrong,” Harrison told him.

“Ok, true,” Matt nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “But, like… can’t you tear things in your ass?”

“If you stick something too big in  _ any  _ hole, your skin can tear. Like when babies come out, like 70% tear their mom’s vagina all the way to their ass-“

“I get it!” Matt interrupted, not wanting that mental image. “... so then, how do people do it?”

Harry shrugged, “You start slow, start with small toys even; dildos and plugs and vibrators maybe. You can’t take the bigger stuff until you take smaller stuff, you know?”

Matt nodded again. Now that Harrison had explained it, it seemed obvious. Maybe Matt was getting too wrapped up in his anxious thoughts to see things clearly. He needed to relax, to breathe. 

“Also, lube is your friend, dude,” Harry nodded to himself. “That makes it so much easier and less painful.” Thank God Harry was cool with this kind of conversation. Matt might have driven himself off the nearest cliff had Jackson or Carson been riding with him instead.

“Can I know why you know all this?” Matt asked, parallel parking on the street next to the house their office was in. 

Harrison shrugged, “Can I know what sketch you’re doing that involes my gay sex knowledge?“ 

“Touché,” Matt grinned. “And no, it’s a secret.” 

“You know, if you just wanna get in the backseat with me, I can show you some tricks I know-“ 

“I’m game.”

Harrison and Matt shared a chaste little smooch before the two of them goofily crawled into the backseat, committing to the joke. Harry started to wrestle Matt into submission, tickling him while he did so.

“Stop it, sToP!” Matt yelled, giggling helplessly. 

Harry stopped to give Matt space to breathe. Instead, Matt took the opportunity to tumble out the passenger door. 

“BYE, HARRISON!” Matt shouted. He slammed the door shut behind him. While repeatedly hitting the lock button on his keys, he sprinted toward the office, leaving Harrison trapped in the car. It took Harry a moment to time his unlock correctly. Once he did, he ran after Matt, playfully shouting. “Get back here! I didn’t get to show you my  _ moves _ !”

———-

On a Discord call with Don, Ryan sat relaxed in his desk chair when Matt walked in. Matt beamed at him, and Ryan felt his heart rate speed up at the simple gesture. “Matt just got here,” Ryan said into his headset microphone, “I’ll talk to you later, dude!”

Matt plopped lazily down into his own chair, close to Ryan. “How’s Don?” 

Ryan shrugged, “He’s doing alright, I was talking to him about the new Pikmin 2 thumbnail.”

“Oh, nice!” Matt smiled, staring at Ryan for a little too long. Matt’s mouth opened as if to say something when Harrison waltzed in.

“So tell me about the gay sex sketch!” he started, picking a spot on the wall to lean against. 

Ryan raised an eyebrow, but then looked over at Matt to see his face turn white as a ghost. “Gay sex sketch?” Ryan replied, asking Matt more than Harrison.

“H-Harrison caught me lookin’ up stuff for that gay sketch we talked about,” Matt tried, his eyes shifting in nervousness. “About h-how someone’s first time might go. B-but I told him we’re keeping it secret.”

_ Ohhh.  _ Immediately, Ryan understood the gist of what he needed to do.

“Yeah, sorry, Harrison,” Ryan frowned, trying to sound as sincere as possible. “Gotta keep it secret til it’s ready to be filmed.” 

Harry looked between the two Supermega boys. “I can’t even tell if you guys are fucking with me anymore,” 

Ryan laughed goofily, making Matt smile, “I mean, if you really want to star in it, you could’ve just asked.”

“Nononono! Don’t turn this on me,” said Harrison, pointing accusingly at Ryan. “I just wanted to know if something personal was going on, that’s all.”

“Harrison, if something was going on, Matt would absolutely tell you about it, right?” Ryan asked, looking eagerly at Matt to respond. 

“O-of course!” Matt stuttered.

Scanning both their faces quickly, it didn’t look like Harrison believed any part of their story, but he also didn’t know enough to question it, either. “Alright, well, I’ll leave you to it, then.” Harrison turned around and walked off toward the kitchen.

And finally, they were alone. Ryan stood up to shut the editing room door, then sat back down, ready to question Matt. “You wanna tell me what that was all about?” he wondered, keeping his voice low.

Embarrassed, ashamed, Matt couldn’t look him in the eye. Matt’s glasses started sliding down the bridge of his nose as he stared at his feet. “Harrison found some of my browsing history and I panicked and said it was for a sketch.”

“What did he find?” Ryan raised an eyebrow.

Matt sighed, “A google search for “gay sex first time advice.””

Ryan rubbed his hands across his face, “Matt…”

“I’m sorry!” Matt said, his voice more defensive than apologetic. "I hate lying, but it's the first thing I thought of."

“Well, now we gotta write a fake sketch or something. Why didn’t you just tell him the truth?”

“You know what, Ryan, I didn’t think of that,” Matt shot back, the biting sarcasm evident in his tone. “And how many people have  _ you  _ come out to?”

The question cut deeper than it should have, and it left Ryan speechless. He knew he was being hypocritical, but he expected Matt to be honest with his friends. They were some of the most open-minded people he knew. 

Reaching a hand out, Matt grabbed Ryan’s thigh and squeezed softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come at you like that.”

“No, no, you have every right to.” Ryan covered Matt’s hand with his own and laced their fingers together. “I haven’t thought about “coming out” to anyone. I figured if they need to know, I’ll say something.”

“You don’t think it’s a big deal?”

Ryan shrugged, “Should it be?”

Matt took his hand back and put it in his lap. He stared at Ryan incredulously. “Finding out you’re attracted to men isn’t a big deal? After being told you’re straight your whole life?”

Ryan didn’t want to think about that, he didn’t want to think about other men or the stereotypes that come along with liking men. He had buried those thoughts deep, deep down since hooking up with Matt, he wasn’t going to unearth it now. Or hopefully ever. “I don’t know, Matt,” Ryan answered. “All I know is I’m attracted to you, okay?”

But that didn’t seem to satisfy Matt. “How are you so nonchalant about this?”

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath, “I don’t seem to be answering these questions the way you want me to and I really should get back to what I was doing. So why don't we-“

“You didn’t even ask me why I searched that.” 

Ryan did a double take, clearly missing something, “What?”

“The “gay sex first time” thing. You didn’t ask me why I searched it.” 

“I don’t know, you were curious or-“

“Because I want you to fuck me, Ryan.” 

What a fucking roller coaster this conversation was. Ryan panicked and looked through all the indoor windows, making sure no one was around. “ _ Christ _ , Matt!”

“I don’t care,” Matt added, trying to sound just as uncaring, yet still fidgeting in his seat. “I was freaking out about this  _ before _ Harrison got involved and now I’m freaking out more and the fact that you don’t seem to care at all is making me-“

“Whoa-whoa-whoa wait, dude,” interrupted Ryan, scooting closer to his anxious friend. “I never said I didn’t care, I  _ do  _ care.”

Matt looked up through unconvinced eyes. 

“I just don’t know how to help here, all this shit’s new to me too.”

Matt frowned, “It’d help to know you were thinking about this stuff, at least.”

“The thing is I  _ don’t,  _ though. There’s no use stressing out about something that might not even happen.”

And that was Matt’s strike three. “You’re absolutely right, Ry,” he said, standing up suddenly. “I’m a fucking moron for planning ahead. Forget I said anything.”

“Matt, come on,” Ryan teased. 

But Matt was already out the door, slamming it behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, bless all y'all still reading.   
> I know the last chapter was a l o t   
> lol
> 
> Also, I make mentions of Banana and other things like Ryan's Fiat even though those aren't canon to current Supermega, but when I started writing this in my head, they were so


	7. Hope That He Remembers You Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is this, a rom-com?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rushing this but I wanted to put something out today aghhhhhhhhhhh

Maybe he was being a little childish, Matt decided, after turning up his headphones so loud that he drowned out nearly every sound in the editing room. The Kero Kero Bonito album he was listening to on repeat was honestly starting to get tiring, but he figured that’d be the safest genre for his ears at such a high volume. 

Jackson waved a hand in front of Matt’s face and he jumped, ripping off his headphones at the same time. 

Cackling, Jackson added a quick, “Sorry, dude!”

Matt quickly caught his breath to ask, “What do you need?” 

“It’s like 10 o’clock, I figured you’d leave by now.”

Checking his watch to confirm, Matt let out a soft sigh. He was so caught up in distracting himself, he lost track of time.

Jackson laid a soft hand on Matt’s back, “Are you alright, dude?”

Oh no, he was being too mopey again. “Yeah, I’m fine, just a little down I guess.”

“Well, tell you what, let’s both go home, and let’s do something fun tonight, if you’re up for it,” Jackson smiled, now rubbing Matt’s back roughly.

Matt smirked, not feeling well enough for a full smile. “What do you have in mind?”

“We could watch a movie, or TV- oh! We could make it Better Call Saul night and invite Ryan over!”

Matt let his forehead drop onto his keyboard, making a comical smashing sound.

“Or… not that.” Jackson leaned down closer to Matt, “We’ll decide when you get home, okay?” Patting Matt’s back a final time, Jackson stood up and headed toward the front door. 

“Okay, I’ll go, I’ll go,” Matt mumbled. 

Maybe Jackson’s “fun night” would make a good distraction from his thoughts. 

————————

“What the fuck is this!?”

The three Tucker brothers were standing on their front lawn, the front door being blocked by a gigantic red box. By the light of the fluorescent porch lamp, Matt could see them from his car window, yelling at each other animatedly. The box had been wrapped in red paper, apparently, as some of the remains were scattered in the grass, sparkling brightly in the moonlight. Yet, the box itself remained unopened. Carson and Jackson rolled up some of the wrapping paper into a ball. As Matt pulled into the driveway, they were attempting to play hacky-sack with it. 

Once Matt parked his car and stepped outside, he was immediately surrounded by the brothers.

“What’d you _do_?” Carson yelled first. 

Jackson asked, “Did you, like, piss off a box salesman?”

“What?”

“That box is addressed to _you_ , Matt,” explained Harrison, giving him a curious look while pointing toward the front door. 

Matt shrugged dramatically, “I don’t know what it is! I didn’t order anything…” He ran up to the box, noticing it was taller than his 6’2” height. It could’ve been a box for a giant refrigerator, or an armoire, guessing purely by size. “Where’s the top of this thing?” Matt asked. The four of them lifted the box away from the door and dropped it in the middle of the lawn. Rolling it on its side, Carson and Harrison pried the glued flaps loose, letting the boxes’ contents spill onto the grass.

The items poured out like a waterfall, starting with a dozen red balloons with the word “Sorry” written on each one in Sharpie. They floated upwards, getting lost in the darkness of the night sky. Next, about 2000 styrofoam peanuts tumbled out, hiding a plethora of heart shaped pillows. 

“What the fuck is this!?” Matt asked out loud, looking at the Tucker brothers. “Did you guys do this?”

The three looked between themselves and shook their heads. “This wasn’t us, dude, maybe someone’s playing a prank on you,” Carson thought. 

“There’s no return address on this,” Harrison shouted from behind the box, shining his iPhone flashlight on a handwritten label. “It literally just says “To Matt Watson” and then our address.”

The four of them went through the box, reaching inside it to unearth chocolates, stuffed animals, candies, and cookies, with all of them either shaped as a heart or printed with one on it. The collection of gifts started to look like a Valentine’s Day hoard.

“Alright, let me ask a different question,” started Jackson, playing with a stuffed teddy bear. “Did you _seduce_ a box salesman?” 

Matt had no idea. Maybe this _was_ some kind of weird joke. But even so, it’d be very expensive to send something this large and heavy, unless the delivery was local. After a good half hour, the box had been emptied and broken down, with the boys putting the different gifts in separate garbage bags for storage. Matt opted to keep some of the pillows, stuffed animals, and food to keep in his room. Once the path to the front door was open again, the boys noticed one final present taped to the door; a bouquet of a dozen roses, with a card attached. 

“Matt! Read the card!” Carson yelled excitedly. 

He did as he was told and yanked the bouquet off the door, holding the small, decorated card in his hand. ““Dear Matt, I’m sorry for upsetting you. I know I can be dense sometimes, but you still deserve the support of a friend, and I didn’t give you that. I should’ve given you more than that. I know this stuff won’t make you forgive me, but I figured it’s a good place to start.””

Matt had the dopiest smile stuck on his face. The Tucker brothers were only more confused. 

“So a box salesman pissed _you_ off?” Jackson asked. 

Carson rolled his eyes, “Jackson, stop, there’s no box salesman.”

“You don’t know that! Tell ‘em, Matt!”

Matt shook his head, holding the bouquet delicately and opening the front door. “It’s not from a box salesman. It’s… from one of my friends.” 

“So it’s like… a prank?” guessed Harrison, filling in the silence when Matt didn’t offer an answer.

Matt nodded hesitantly, “Yeah, just a prank…”

~~~~~~~~~~

Like a teenager with a crush, Matt bounced onto his mattress, holding his cellphone in front of him. “I got your present,” he beamed, grinning ear to ear. The only light in his room was coming from the device itself as the sun had gone down long ago. He could see a blurry Ryan on the screen, connected via Facetime. 

Ryan’s face broke into a smile too, “Did you like it?”

Ducking out of the way, Matt let the selfie camera catch the stack of stuffed animals and heart pillows piled up next to his bed. “What do you think?”

Ryan laughed, high pitched and bubbly; Matt’s favorite kind of Ryan-laugh. “But seriously,” Ryan started, calming himself down quickly, “I’m sorry I was an asshole. It didn’t become obvious to me until after the fact.” 

Matt shrugged, “It’s okay, dude. I get it, I wasn’t being obvious about it. To be honest, I don’t know what you could’ve done, anyway.”

“Are you feelin’ a little less anxious at least?” Ryan asked, shifting into a laying down position like Matt.

“Yes and no, but it’s… it’s good to talk to you, Ry. I was worried that I made you mad too.”

Even through the pixelated camera connection, Matt could see the slight frown on Ryan’s face. “It sucks when we fight, though, Matt. It, like, double sucks now.” 

Tilting his head curiously, Matt wondered, “Why’s that?”

“‘Cause of, um…” Ryan scratched his head. “‘Cause of whatever we got... going on.” 

Squinting, Matt asked, “Wait..., did you only apologize so you could sleep with me?”

Ryan actually looked taken aback at that one. Matt was only kidding. Sort of. 

“Wow, really, dude? That hurts.”

“I had to ask,” Matt shrugged, talking in his higher-pitched joking voice. He thought for a moment and added, “Though I do have to say, you did do a pretty good job at wooing me, if that was your intention.”

Ryan scrunched his face in mock-disgust, “Wooing you? Why, cause everything was hearts and stuff? I thought it’d be cute, lay off.” 

Shaking his head, Matt explained, “No, no, that’s a compliment! It was kinda… romantic, I guess.” 

Ryan disagreed, “I’ve never been romantic!”

“You’re plenty romantic!” Matt argued.

“Yeah? Name one time, other than today.”

“You always save food that you think I’ll like as leftovers! Or give me good TV recommendations ‘cause you know what I like so well. And you go with me to movies that might be too scary for me to see alone.”

“That’s just being thoughtful, that’s not romantic.”

“I think that’s romantic! Any girl would fall head-over-heels for a guy like that.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah!”

“I think your standards are a little low, bud.”

“And yours are too high! What do you think, you have to wear a suit and take me out to a fancy dinner to be romantic?”

“No, but it should be something like…” Ryan sighed, the words not coming to him. “Something more personal, I think. Something memorable.”

“You should show me, sometime,” Matt said, feeling his face heat up just thinking about it. 

A genuine, bashful smile appeared on Ryan’s face. “I miss you,” he said, apropos of nothing. 

“I miss you, too,” Matt replied. “I wish that… I wish you were here. Is that weird?”

“I hope not, ‘cause I wish I was there too.”

Matt took one of the heart shaped pillows from the floor and held it to his chest. “I bet I could make room for you if I just moved some of this stuff around.”

Ryan released a shaky breath, “Don’t tempt me, Matthew. I’d drive there in a heartbeat if it didn’t look so fucking suspicious.” 

“You’ve slept here before,” countered Matt, “I’ll just say you wanted to sleep in my room instead of the living room for a change.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Ryan needed to know, “Are you actually asking me to come over?”

“I’m actually asking you to come over,” Matt answered. 

Ryan couldn’t hide his excited smile, “Give me a few, and I’ll be right over.” 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” Matt said in his high-pitched voice. He gave the camera a playful kiss. 

Ryan responded by fake-vomiting onto the camera.

“God, dammit, Ryan!” Tensing up, Matt dropped his phone onto his bed as if to avoid the vomit.

Ryan was mid-cackle when Matt ended the call. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryan convinced himself it didn’t mean anything, that things weren’t that different. Standing outside the front door, he patiently waited for Matt to let him in. It was just like any other day, Ryan thought, he had stood at this door and been in Matt’s room enough times that he could accurately draw them in detail, if asked. So this? This right here? It was just another hangout with Matt, just more time with his best friend. His best friend who Ryan drove to at 2 in the morning because Matt asked him to. 

Alright, maybe it was a little different. 

Matt opened the front door slowly, his smile bright and excited. “Welcome!”

It was so formal, Ryan would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so focused on following Matt through his dark and quiet house. Once in Matt’s room, they sat on his bed, awkwardly silent. Turning on one of the lamps, Ryan could see some of the presents he had sent were now decorations on Matt’s desk. It made his heart melt, knowing how much the apology meant. Geez, was Ryan lucky that the Postmates guy followed his instructions to the letter. Being such a weird delivery, Ryan was expecting him to refuse, but the plan worked without a hitch. He’d have to remember and go back and tip that guy extra well. 

“Do you wanna lay down?” Matt asked, so quietly that Ryan almost didn’t hear it. 

The two of them crawled under Matt’s blankets, cuddling close in the small space. The two locked eyes with each other, both looking expectant, but still, neither moved. Ryan hadn’t realized it before, but all the other times they’d gotten physical, the mood was almost frantic, fueled by sexual tension. This felt… different, awkward, God, why was it awkward??

“Are you okay?” 

Ryan snapped out of his thoughts, looking into Matt’s blue eyes, “Yeah, I’m just tired, I guess.” 

Matt scooted closer to Ryan, leaning in to give Ryan a quick kiss on the lips. “We can just sleep, if you want.”

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes. “Just… come closer.”

Matt did as he was told, and Ryan wrapped his arms around him. “I just, I feel better when we’re close.”

Matt’s arms were pinned between the two of them, but he adjusted so he was at least able to touch Ryan’s face. “Is this okay?” Matt asked carefully. 

Ryan still had his eyes closed, but nodded in response. He could feel Matt’s fingers brush over his beard, his cheeks, his lips. He couldn’t help smiling, “What are you doing?” 

“I know I see your face a lot, like a _lot_ , a lot. But I never get to see it up close like this,” Matt gave him another soft kiss. “I’ve told you before, but you are really handsome, Ry.” 

Ryan could feel his face getting warm under Matt’s touch. 

“Hah! You’re blushing!” 

Ryan finally opened his eyes, looking at Matt’s bright smile. And Ryan was inexplicably drawn to it, drawn to Matt like a moth to a flame. Ryan captured Matt’s lips, slowly moving his mouth against Matt’s to deepen the kiss. Feeling Matt sigh into his mouth sent electricity throughout Ryan’s body. _This_ felt more familiar, not awkward. The sudden rush of arousal drowned out the loud thoughts in his head. Ryan let his hand rest on Matt’s hip to pull him in even closer. He tucked his head into the crook of Matt’s neck, leaving kisses from Matt’s ear all the way to his collarbone. Ryan could feel Matt’s pulse quicken, his breathing becoming heavier, so Ryan bit the soft skin on Matt’s neck. 

“Oh fuck, Ryan,” Matt moaned. “I thought you were tired, dude.”

Ryan ran his hand along the front of Matt’s body until his palm landed on Matt’s crotch. “I’m awake enough to tease you.” Quickly unbuttoning Matt’s jeans, he stuck his hand inelegantly down Matt’s boxers to stroke his dick. 

“Ryan, stop-stop-stop,” Matt pushed Ryan’s arm away. 

“What’s up?”

“I just,” Matt’s face twisted into something between thoughtful and concerned. “... I feel like we’re forcing this?”

“Is this not what you want?” asked Ryan, confused. 

“Is this what _you_ want?”

“I-yeah, of course,” Ryan tried. He couldn’t even convince _himself_ , let alone Matt. 

“Ry, we don’t have to have sex all the time,” Matt said softly. 

And something about that didn’t sit well with Ryan. “Then what are we doing?” he wondered, raising his voice in frustration. 

Matt shrugged, “I don’t know, why don’t _you_ tell _me_?”

His first instinct was to run. Ryan wanted to run and hide and forget he ever made the stupid decision to come here. Fuck the apology, fuck Matt’s smile, fuck everything, this was too much. 

But then Matt scooted closer, leaning his forehead on Ryan’s chest. “Get some sleep, Ry, we still gotta go to work in the morning.” 

Matt’s breathing slowed quickly, Matt must have been tired too. Ryan put a hand in Matt’s hair, running his fingers through it. Matt stirred just a bit out of surprise, then wrapped an arm around Ryan before falling back asleep. Pressed against Ryan’s body, he could feel Matt’s softness, his warmth.

Ryan decided maybe he could stay a little longer.


	8. I Confess, I Wanna Go Home and Get You Undressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lying and sex sure go hand and hand sometimes, huh? You think the Tucker brothers are going to figure that out too?
> 
> (NSFW Parts have been marked. It's basically 2/3 of this chapter, haha.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for completely destroying my schedule. I've just started the Fall semester of college, so my free time has gone down considerably. HOWEVER, I intend to finish this story, however long that may take. 
> 
> Also is Matt's new album fire or is it F I R E?!
> 
> *More notes at the end. TW: Suicide, Depression, Anxiety

Waking up to the sound of something sizzling on the stove, Jackson strode into the kitchen. 

“Whatcha makin’?” he asked, sitting down at a cluttered kitchen table. He was clad in a cowboy-esque button-up and short-shorts, quite a look for anyone else, but a normal outfit for Jackson Tucker.

Harrison stood next to the stove, expertly flipping eggs above an open flame. “Omelets! You want one?”

“Please!” begged Jackson. “With onions and spinach?”

“Whatever you want, dude,” Harry replied. 

Jackson stood up to pour a cup of coffee, “Do you have coffee already?”

“Nah, make me a cup, would you kindly?”

“How do you want it?” Jackson pulled out a jar of sugar from the cabinet above him.

“I like my coffee the way I like my women,” joked Harry, adding an exaggerated southern accent to his sentence.

“If you wanted a glass of milk, you should’ve just said so!”

Harrison glared at him, “Not funny. Besides, you stole my punchline.”

“I know, I know,” Jackson nodded, stirring a teaspoon of sugar into his own mug. “Two creams, two sugars.”

“You’re such a peach!” laughed Harry, now speaking like a southern belle. 

“You want me to wake Carson and Matt for food?” wondered Jackson. He slurped his coffee quietly, testing the flavor. 

“Carson, yes. Matt, no.”

Jackson stopped next to the stove, leaning on the counter with his mug in hand, “Matt no?”

Harrison pointed his spatula at a nearby window. “Look outside; that’s Ryan’s car.”

Jackson frowned. He squinted his eyes just to be sure of what he was seeing, “That’s… weird. He wasn’t here when we went to bed… ” He stretched his neck to peer over at the couch, finding that Ryan hadn’t even touched it. “He’s in Matt’s room? He never sleeps there…”

“Right?!” Harry turned to look at his brother with a nervous look in his eye, “Okay, I need to know, has Matt been acting kinda weird to you?”

Jackson raised an eyebrow, “Weird how?”

Harry took a look around, making sure no one was about to barge into the conversation, “I caught him lookin’ at what was essentially gay porn, and he said it was for a sketch.”

Jackson didn’t even blink, “How’s that weird?”

Moving the cooked omelet from the fire to an unlit burner, Harry sighed, “I don’t know, it was the way he talked about it, like he was nervous.”

Jackson sat down at the small kitchen table while Harrison scratched the eggs off the pan and onto a beige, clay plate.

“That still doesn’t raise any red flags for me, man," Jackson replied. "Gay stuff has been part of his and Ryan’s shtick since before Supermega started.”

“Ok, you got me on that. But when I confronted them about the sketch, they acted like they were hiding something. Like some kind of secret, and I don’t think it’s the sketch.”

Jackson hummed in thought, taking a sip of coffee before responding, “I guess he _was_ being a little jumpy when he went to go wake up Ryan the other day.”

“They’re hiding something, I can _feel_ it,” said Harry while flipping Jackson’s omelet, quickly remembering to add spinach.

“But they tell us everything!” Jackson fussed. 

“Exactly! So what would be so secret that they can’t tell us?”

Jackson thought it over and didn’t have a good answer. 

“Just… keep an eye out and an ear open, okay?”

Jackson nodded, “Will do. Let me go get Carson then.”

Harrison resumed whistling a happy tune, folding Jackson’s omelette a final time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NSFW NSFW NSFW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fuck, dude,” Ryan groaned. He bit his knuckle to stifle more erotic sounds. 

Matt had crawled underneath the blankets, strewn on his bed haphazardly. He stayed hidden from Ryan's face, but not cut off from seeing the rest of him. The feel of Ryan's morning wood against him when he awoke teased Matt so badly. He had decided to do something about it. He just had to hope no one else in the house was curious enough to check in on them. 

“Baby, you’re so good to me,” crooned Ryan. His cock was buried so far inside Matt's mouth, he nearly choked, but Matt worked diligently, purposefully, trying to pleasure Ryan as best he could. He swirled his tongue along the head of Ryan’s cock before rapidly increasing his pace. He bobbed wildly up and down as he tried harder to coax the orgasm out of his friend.

“Matt, I'm gonna cum,” Ryan gasped. Perfect, Matt thought; Fill my mouth with your cum. Ryan ran his fingers through Matt's soft hair. He gripped Matt’s head tightly when he felt his orgasm start. He used that hand to keep Matt down at his crotch, making sure every drop of his seed went down Matt's throat. Ryan released his grip, leaned back onto the pillows, and sighed. Matt laughed when he saw Ryan's face above the covers; blissed out and exhausted. 

“What's so funny?” wondered Ryan. A soft pink blush covered his cheeks.

“Your post-orgasm face is something else dude,” Matt said, a smile on his face.

Ryan sat up and threw the blankets off of the two of them. In an instant, Ryan moved above Matt and hastily removed his pants. “I'll show _you_ something else...” 

“Ry, that's corn-ah!” Matt gasped, getting interrupted by Ryan's hand on his dick. Shushing his partner, Ryan removed Matt's boxers as well.

“Wait. Give me a sec,” said Matt. He grabbed one of the heart pillows Ryan had given him. He held it over his mouth, muting his noises as Ryan continued stroking.

“Fuck, that's hot,” Ryan moaned, “Maybe we'll have to test it out... See how loud you can get even with that pillow on your face…” 

Matt shook his head vigorously and removed the pillow for a second. “Come on, dude, I have roommates.”

“Then I guess you got to be careful, huh?” Ryan continued to tease, upping the stakes by rubbing a fingertip around Matt’s asshole. Needily, desperately, Matt moaned and bucked up into Ryan's hand, forgetting the pillow altogether. The two locked eyes, both wearing shocked expressions. They stopped for a second and waited to see if anyone outside the room would respond to the noise. After the brief pause, Matt grabbed for the pillow. He muted himself quick enough to mask the new sounds escaping him. Ryan resumed his movements. He pressed his index finger harder against Matt’s hole, as if asking for permission. 

“Ry, I-I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I haven’t tried anyth-” And without warning, Ryan pushed in, too forcefully. Matt felt as if his intestines had been pushed up into his stomach.

“Ye-OUCH!” Matt screamed, again forgetting the pillow. The two of them heard footsteps getting louder, quicker. Scrambling to get redressed, the boys tangled themselves in the sheets. They searched desperately for their pants and underwear. There was a knock at the door before Jackson and Harrison peaked into Matt's room. 

“Everything okay?” Harry asked sheepishly.

Not having found their pants, Matt and Ryan sat. They were naked from the waist down, their genitals covered in the blankets.

“Yeah, we just, uh-“

“Ryan, Ryan-he punched me,” Matt lied.

Ignoring this, Jackson raised an eyebrow. “Were you guys sleeping in the same bed?” His stare flitted between Matt and Ryan. 

Simultaneously, Matt answered, “Yes,” while Ryan said “No.” 

The two looked at each other with fear, but thank God for those improv skills.

“He came up here in the middle of the night, said that the floor was too hard. What a pussy,” Matt said.

The two Tucker Brothers exchanged glances as well, but left the answer as it was. 

Harrison rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He sighed, looking at Jackson before saying, “Well I just made breakfast if you guys want omelettes…” 

“Hell yes!” Ryan exclaimed, jumping on top of Matt’s bed. Harrison, Jackson, and Matt looked horrified. They stood, staring down at Ryan's swinging junk. 

“Dude, put some pants on! Harrison yelled. He shielded his eyes and Jackson ran out of the room screaming. 

“Is it not Naked Breakfast Day?” Ryan joked, obnoxiously giggling to himself. Matt shook his head, but couldn't help smiling. Ryan was so good at getting out of admitting the truth, but maybe one day, hopefully, they wouldn't have to lie about it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can you come with me somewhere?” Matt asked. He fidgeted in his seat, not making eye contact with Ryan. The two of them had just filled themselves with eggs and coffee. Leaving slightly after the Tucker brothers, they were ready to drive to the office. The two choose to carpool in Ryan's Fiat. “I mean, before we get to work…” Matt clarified, trying to shrink himself down by huddling into the passenger seat. 

“Sure, bud, need to pick something up?” asked Ryan. He imagined he needed to escort Matt to the post office or a drive-thru or some other banal task. One look at Matt and his timid mannerisms told Ryan that wasn't it at all.

“There's this store near the Valley Gas truck stop down the highway a-and I wanted to see what's in it.”

Ryan racked his brain for a minute, trying to think of what was nearby that station. 

“Matt, I think the only thing down there is that sex sto-oh.” Ryan felt like an idiot for not putting the pieces together quicker. “Are you looking for something specific?” 

“I guess... lube and I think and maybe a toy,” shrugged Matt. “I just… back in my bedroom when you… I just want to be prepared next time.”

Ryan couldn't deny that the idea excited him. “And you want me to help pick one out?”

“... Yeah.” 

Shifting the car into drive, the two sped off toward the store. Cupid’s Hideout was a truck stop staple, as most adult stores are. Lonely men who needed a break from their long journeys through Southern California found comfort amongst the scantily clad mannequins and rows of second-hand adult films. Walls and aisles were lined with different kinds of sexual accessories; lingerie, handcuffs, riding crops. You name it, they had it. Matt and Ryan stood awkwardly in the center of it all, taking in everything the store had to offer. The well lit atmosphere put the two at unease, feeling more like they stepped into a Walgreen’s than a store selling dildos. The wooden floor beneath them creaked as they walked down an aisle filled with “Men’s accessories.”

Ryan held up a small metal ring to Matt's face, “Dude, look! A cock ring!”

Matt batted it away, “Don't put that in my face, man. It goes on _dicks_ not my nose.”

“So you're not into edging, then?” Ryan asked, curiously.

Matt’s face reddened, “I-I don't... I haven't- Can we focus on one thing at a time, _please_?” 

Ryan couldn't help but giggle, “I'll put it on the back burner.”

Taking in the massive selection, Ryan could see Matt was clearly overwhelmed. He needed someone to guide him, keep him steady. Be his rock, maybe. 

“Are you thinking of oil-based or water-based for the lube?”

Matt looked off into the distance, trying to recall an article he read during his previous google session. “I've read oil-based lasts longer but water-based is better, like, for afterward.” 

“Let's start with water and work our way up to oil, yeah?”

Matt agreed, “But which one?”

Ryan covered his eyes with one hand and pulled a tube off the wall at random. “This one!” Ryan grinned, shoving it into Matt’s hands.

They continued looking around the vaguely clean adult store. Looking at the walls of different toys and plugs intimidated even Ryan, and he wasn’t the one using one. Considering Matt’s reaction earlier, they would have to start small. 

“Jesus Christ!” Matt gasped, holding onto what was labeled as a horse dildo. “People can fit this inside them?!”

“If you do it safely, I guess. Remember Mr. Hands?”

“Ryan, he _died_.”

“Yeah, cause he wasn't being safe! You-we’re being safe!” Ryan realized he had said that too loudly and tried to calm down. Maybe this was a bad time to bring up the death-by-dick story, he thought. Ryan grabbed a glass dildo off the shelf in front of him. “This is about average, don’t you think?” 

Matt inspected it, “I think I could start with this. It's not too... optimistic?”

Ryan rubbed his beard, “Maybe we can try a plug too, just to open you up a bit… a-and then, you know, keep you like that.” Unexpectedly, Ryan’s voice turned gruff by the end of his sentence and Matt definitely noticed. He walked closer, lowering his voice, “Keep me open for what, Ryan? For you?” 

Huffing out a breath, Ryan could feel the effects of his arousal taking over. He had been doing so well controlling himself until now, and there was literal _porn_ playing on the store televisions.

While Ryan was distracted, Matt pressed a soft kiss to his lips, teasing, “Sorry, yes, let's try it.” 

Ryan kissed him back, equally soft, tender, before lacing their fingers together and walking toward the cashier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey team! So you guys have been behind me since day one, and I feel so honored by that. Truly, you have no idea how much your reactions mean to me. It's why people put art into the world, you know?
> 
> So it's only fair that I am completely honest too. I attempted suicide last week Monday and have been hospitalized since this past Monday. My time there gave me the perspective I needed to realize I was not okay. I was depressed and had no ability to feel happiness or sadness or pain or excitement. And I was too anxious to tell anyone about it because I didn't want to burden anyone. And (obviously) that's no way to go through life. 
> 
> Here I am, one scary experience later. Not only am I more energized and focused on bringing positive energy into my life, I've become a lot more conscious of other people's hardships as well. Everyone has bad days and sometimes terrible days. But I believe we're here on Earth to help each other. And if you let people know when you're struggling, some one, even strangers, are willing to help you as long as you promise to keep going. So I guess the message to take away from this is: Don't stop trying to move forward. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm gonna get off my soapbox now. Imma try for regular updates again, but if that doesn't work out, I'm sure y'all will understand.  
> I love you all. <3 Take care of yourselves. 
> 
> -FT


	9. You've Got Me In a State of Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooo they fightin'
> 
> TW: F-slur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all so much for the kind words on the last chapter. Truly, the community we've built here is a beautiful thing. I have a tattoo of a part of a poem that goes, "the second we stop trying to catch people as they fall is the second we lose our humanity." I'm glad to see even the fanfic community hasn't lost that sense of purpose. <3 And also, if you're ever in a bad spot, don't hesitate to reach out to your pal FrostyTips!

“Oh, they're totally fuckin’,” agreed Carson. He sat there in his wooden chair which was in some sort of interrogation formation with the other comfy office chairs in the meeting room. His older brothers were stationed in front of him. Jackson stood, arms crossed, with what might pass for a scowl plastered on his face. Harrison sat, comfy in a soft armchair. His elbow rested on the arm. The hand attached to it held his head up as he faced Carson. 

Jackson looked unconvinced, “You guess that about literally every couple you know.” Jackson paced awkwardly behind Carson. His Fishstick t-shirt looked bunched up at the sleeves, as he had tried to roll them up earlier. “... And you’re wrong half of the time.” 

Carson gave a half-hearted shrug, “But I’m _right_ half the time! Remember? I totally called Olivia and Aaron _months_ before they were official.”

Harrison rolled his eyes, “Ok, but we’re talking about Matt and Ryan here.” 

“Matt and Ryan? From Supermega?!” Carson asked, sarcasm leaking through his enthusiastic voice. “Yeah, they’re fuckin’. Why else would Ryan drive over to our place at 2 a.m.? It was obviously a booty call.”

“Matt has absolutely _never_ had anyone over for a booty call. Why would you think he'd start with Ryan, of all people?” Harrison asked. He was clearly done with this topic, trying to focus on anything else but the conversation taking place in front of him. He hadn’t figured out the boys’ secret either but he knew it couldn’t be _this._

Jackson starred pensively into the meeting room fireplace. It was off, broken before they started renting the place, of course. The Tucker Brothers had better things to fix in the office, but Jackson still figured it was a good spot to stare at while he thought things over. “We have to assume a lot of things before we get to that conclusion. Not the least of which is Matt and Ryan would have to be gay.”

Carson shrugged a shoulder again, “That's not that out-there. I’d put 10 bucks on it.”

Jackson leaned over Carson’s chair, offering his hand to shake on it.

“Everything “gay” they do is for a bit though, or for the camera,” Harrison argued. “It's not real, Carson.”

“What if we just asked them?” Jackson suggested. The three brothers stared at each other. 

“Well, they’d just lie,” said Carson. “They’d deny everything.”

“It would give them away if they _were_ hooking up, though.” added Harrison. “No one acts more guilty than the guilty themselves.”

“So let's assume they're lying,” tries Jackson. “Based on their response, how they deny it, _if_ they deny it, we know them well enough to figure it out.”

The other brothers had no better ideas so they nodded, agreeing with Jackson's plan.

“If they ever show up!” barked Carson. He looked quickly out the window for signs of Ryan's car. But there were none, just the empty driveway and a man with a leaf blower walking the perimeter of the house next door. 

“Seriously!” yelled Harrison. “We only left five minutes after them! They should’ve been here a half-hour ago.”

“I know, I know. I'm annoyed too,” Jackson said, “But we can’t rush them. I mean, what if their secret is something serious?”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“You think this dildo would make a good office decoration?” Matt asked, holding his new glass toy up to the sunlight, watching rainbows cast themselves onto the interior of Ryan’s car.

Setting his car in park, Ryan stared at Matt, his heart warm. Matt looked over at him, smiling, his teeth were slightly crooked, but it looked good on Matt. His lips looked soft, pink, and slightly wet as Matt ran his tongue across them as a nervous tick. God, Ryan wanted to kiss him so bad. “You’re cute, you know that?”

Matt grinned a little wider, “You’re sweet, I love you, dude.”

Ryan blinked. In realization, Matt’s smile fell, “No, I mean like-like we’re brothers. We’ve always said that to each other!”

Releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Ryan laughed, fake and high pitched, “I love you too, I knew what you meant.” He didn’t. 

Matt sighed, clearly relieved, “Okay, but you didn’t answer my question.”

Searching for a hat quick, Ryan leaned over his drivers seat to grab one from his backseat. “Sorry, what was it?”

Matt hummed in thought, “Should I ask Harrison if this would look good as a paperweight? Or maybe a kitchen table centerpiece.”

“The _dildo_?” Ryan laughed. “You got to place it right under your LGBT flag, bro.”

Side-eyeing his friend, Matt opened the car door carefully, first putting the rest of his purchases in the glove compartment before slamming it shut. 

“Oh come on, it’s funny ‘cause we’re gaaaaaay,” sang Ryan. Though he was fully joking, the irony of the statement wouldn’t hit him until only a few minutes later. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Hearts racing, hands sweating, the Tucker brothers were ready for Matt and Ryan’s arrival. As the front door swung open, you could hear the three men simultaneously gulp. 

“Sorry we’re late!” yelled Matt. He made his way through the Supermegaplex’s main hallway to the large, almost official-looking meeting room. “We made a pit stop!” Holding up the glass dildo proudly, Matt’s smile was so wide, it took over his whole face. A sheepish-looking Ryan stood behind him.

Carson barked a quick laugh, “There’s your proof right there.”

“Shut up, Carson!” Jackson and Harrison shouted, scolding him simultaneously.

“Proof of what?” asked Ryan, raising an eyebrow. 

The brothers started to panic, how do they navigate this without just outright asking them if they’re gay?

“Is that for the gay sex sketch?” started Harrison, sitting forward in his chair. 

“The gay sex sketch we hadn’t heard about until, like, days ago,” added Carson. 

“And that we haven’t even read yet,” finished Jackson. 

They all looked between Matt and Ryan, waiting for some sign of their resolve cracking. But either these two were phenomenal actors, or they were actually oblivious to the point of the questioning.

“What the fuck is this?” Ryan walked forward, shielding Matt. Such a top move. “Did we walk into a game of 20 questions?”

Jackson looked at his brothers, frustrated. He wanted to get right to the point, but he knew Harrison and Carson didn’t want that. Harrison, probably the most tactful of the three, looked contemplative. He wanted to come up with a question that would answer his suspicions but not necessarily “out” them altogether. Carson was a wild card, though he normally sided with whoever’s idea he liked better. 

But today Carson surprised them both by asking a question that was thoughtful _and_ direct, “Are you guys hiding something from us?”

Matt and Ryan looked shocked. That couldn’t be acting. 

“No!” Matt piped up, joining the conversation. “Why would you think that??”

Bingo, Matt’s always the weakest-link. 

Harrison put on his best concerned expression, “Because you guys have been dodging work and going off and being all secretive about it. We’re just worried about you is all.”

“We’re doing fine guys, really,” answered Matt, using that smile he only uses when he wants to try extra hard to convince someone of something. The brothers simultaneously grinned as they heard it; the first lie. 

“We’re _friends_ , you guys. We _hang out_ together; it’s what we _do_ ,” Ryan said defensively. “Last I checked, that wasn’t a crime.”

Why does Ryan have to be so angry and biting when he gets riled up? 

“It’s not,” Harrison admitted. “But missing your responsibilities here to work on your “friendship” is… not okay.”

“Well, our _friendship_ is what signs your checks, so…”

Oh, now it’s on.

“Are you serious right now?!” Harrison stood up, finally angry enough to ditch his seated position. “We’re running a business here, this isn’t the “Matt and Ryan Do Whatever Bullshit They Want” fund.”

Matt backed up a bit, uncharacteristically staying out of the argument playing out in front of him. 

“Even so!” Jackson shouted, “Friends don’t pull fuckin’ dick moves like leave each other hanging for meetings or paperwork that you _know_ I hate waiting for. We’re tired of being jerked around, guys.”

“Right?! Like what the fuck is so important about your _friendship_ that just can’t fuckin’ wait a goddamn minute?!” Carson argued. 

Ryan shot back, “Maybe if it was your fucking business, you would know about it!”

There was no way Ryan was pulling this card. There was no fucking way. 

“It _is_ our fucking business if it affects our lives too!” Harrison said. “Unless you’re just too selfish of a prick to realize it’s about more than just you.”

Barking a fake laugh, Ryan started, “Oh I’m _selfish_ now-

“We’re fucking faggots, okay!?”

Four pairs of eyes turned to Matt, standing, shaking, behind Ryan. His fists were clenched and his body was trembling. “We’re a couple o’ dick-sucking, flaming homosexuals!” Matt added some jazz hands to his delivery, but it fell flat as his voice was still caked in anger. 

“And yeah, we’ve been fooling around. Is that what you wanted to get out of us so badly?! You wanted us to admit to being gay together?! To fucking out ourselves!?”

Then the room fell silent. The brothers looked to each other. God, we are just a bunch of assholes, aren’t we, they thought. Even Ryan looked ashamed, though whether that was because of the argument or the fact that Matt just outed him, they weren’t sure. A few tense seconds crawled by, with no one daring to look Matt in the eye. 

“... I think someone owes someone 10 bucks,” sang Carson after a beat. 

Jackson pushed Carson’s chair over in retaliation, with Carson helplessly falling to the ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically this is just one long scene, but I wanted to post something before it gets even more tense haha drama.


	10. Just Go With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooo what's gonna happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow's my birthday! :D

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. 

Matt just wanted to pretend nothing had happened, and might’ve pulled it off had anyone else in the entire office done the same. But Matt could feel the pity, fear, and anger rolling around the quiet space like thick clouds of fog. The conversations were short and to the point. All work meetings had been postponed to next week. And no one could stand to look him in the eye. Matt couldn’t take it; he called an Uber and left to go home early. 

To: Ryan MaGoggles: well that was the fucking worst 

Sitting in his room, Matt checked the time on his text to Ryan. 2 hours had passed without a response. He needed a response. He needed Ryan to say _something._ He needed Ryan. He needed Ryan? He… 

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. 

Ryan was never the kind of guy to respond to texts quickly, anyway. Though, as it was 8 at night, what better things could he possibly be doing? Matt looked up at the ceiling, admiring the fading shade of white. The summer sun had only just gone down, and the light streaming in through the window took on a purple hue. 

He really wished Ryan would answer his text. After the whole office meltdown, you’d think the guy would have _something_ to say about it. 

Was it Matt’s fault? Yeah, probably. Was it Ryan’s fault? Yeah, definitely. He’s the one that wanted to keep whatever they had secret, wasn’t he? Or maybe he said something about trying to figure it out first? Who knows? Who cares? It already got out, and now people are going to make their own decisions about their relationship. Not that Matt minds, it’s his relationship, not theirs. 

Matt checked his phone once more and caught a glimpse of his face in the reflection of his phone screen. Tired, anxious, frustrated. Yeah, that could about sum it up. 

To: Ryan MaGoggles: are you just not gonna say anything

Maybe that was too passive-aggressive, Matt decided, deleting the text before sending it. Ryan wasn’t there to comfort him or anything. He never was that person in Matt’s life, no matter how many heart-shaped pillows he sent. He just didn’t feel emotions the same way Matt did, and that was fine. 

Except for, of course, right now.

To: Ryan MaGoggles: are you okay ?

Yeah, that’s better. Concerned friend card always looks good, no matter the situation. And, well, he _was_ concerned. And… a friend. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He needed to relax instead of fret over a stupid message. Matt wanted to clear his mind, to do something completely different and not think about work or Ryan. He searched his room for something to do and found the plastic bag which contained his newly purchased toys. And well, it’s normal to want to play with new toys, Matt convinced himself. He was originally going to use those with Ryan. But Ryan wasn’t answering his phone anyway so, it was his loss, right?

~~~~ NSFW~~~~~~

Matt laid down on his bed, snuck his legs underneath the sheets, and shucked off his clothes. He saw his own dick, reddening from the rush of blood, and resisted the urge to touch himself this early in the process. (He never would’ve thought something as simple as a dildo would get him so aroused.) Finding the small squeeze tube, Matt lubed up his right index and middle fingers. 

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. 

Releasing the tension in his back, Matt moved his hand down and allowed his first finger to enter his asshole. This isn’t so bad, he thought. He found he liked the feeling of being full, and added another finger curiously. 

Ok, fuck, maybe he had been missing out on something major here. Pre-cum started to drip onto his stomach. The sensitivity mixed with his own slow pace felt teasing and erotic. He grabbed for the glass dildo, inspecting its girth with his free hand. Fuck, how much of this could he take right now? Just the idea alone excited him. But he had to focus, he needed to relax, or this was gonna hurt like a bitch.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NSFW PAUSE

Why the _fuck_ would Matt out him like that? 

Ryan couldn’t concentrate at the office anymore. This single thought just repeated, unanswered, in his head. He _had_ tried to work. He sat, brooding at his computer screen, not even paying attention to what was on the monitor anymore. Each Tucker brother did their best to interrupt him. Harrison came into the editing room to ask about a video. Jackson asked about Halo. Carson didn’t say anything, but instead would come into the room, stare at Ryan for a bit, then walk back out. And fucking Matt ditched him so Ryan had to deal with it all by himself. 

Man, fuck Matt. 

If Matt had just gone along with Ryan’s story, it would’ve been _fine._ All he had to do was shut up and agree. But _noooo,_ Matt had to go and be Mr. Runs-His-Fucking-Mouth. Goddammit, he should've seen that coming; it was _Matt_ he was dealing with afterall. 

Fuck him.

So here he sat, alone in his apartment: glass of milk in his hand, ash tray on the table, and PS4 controller on his lap. He was sinking into the couch in his underwear and a black t-shirt, typical of Ryan. Lego sat next to him. Lego’s head rested on Ryan’s right thigh, so comfy he was nearly asleep. Ryan tried to relax with a couple matches of Rocket League, but his anger bled over into his gameplay. 

“Come _ON,_ their team comp was such _bullshit!_ I couldn’t even get the fucking ball past them!” He growled as he threw his controller down. He picked up the half-finished cigarette sitting in the ashtray. He had been smoking it in between goals, but honestly, he was losing so badly, he might as well have just smoked the whole thing in one go. 

In his pocket, his phone vibrated violently. It was probably fucking Matt again. He had left a text message earlier, something about Matt wanting Ryan to agree to how messed up today’s confrontation was. But Ryan maintained that it was completely Matt’s fucking fault. God, why’d they have to do something stupid like get involved with each other anyway? Of course Matt was going to fucking spill everything. And of _course_ the Tucker Brothers were gonna make it their fucking business to know about it. 

_GodDAMMit_!

The phone trembled again, a reminder for Ryan to read whatever message had just popped up. He glanced at the notifications; “Text from Mat Twatson.” He opened it to see, “are you okay ?” Well, now he felt like shit for not answering. Matt cared about him, or rather, Matt _still_ cared about him, even after everything that had happened today. And fuck it, he cared about Matt too. Even before they were, well, whatever they were now. 

Taking his time to finish off the rest of the cigarette, Ryan sat, contemplating what he’d do next. Guilt getting the better of him, he quickly grabbed his phone and pressed the button to Facetime Matt. Considering Matt had only texted a little while ago, the signal hummed for a considerable amount of time before Matt answered. He looked… completely wrecked. Face flushed, breathing erratic, Matt answered with a choked, “Hey!” 

Ryan blinked, “I-Did I interrupt something?”

“Uh, hah, kind of, but it’s whatever, what’s up?” 

No, now he _had_ to know. “What were you doing?” 

~~~~~~~NSFW RESUME ~~~~~~~~

  
“Um…” Matt pulled the camera back to show him lying in his bed, sheets pulled up to his stomach. He was shirtless, and Matt was rarely ever shirtless. He could’ve been sleeping, but something told Ryan that it was another thing entirely. 

“Dude, were you jerking off?” Ryan grinned. 

“Sort of?” Matt admitted. 

_Sort of?_ What did that… 

“Are you… were you fingering yourself?” asked Ryan, a spark of excitement sneaking into his last two words. 

Matt had the gall to look bashful. Honestly, fuck him. 

“Did you want me to call back later?”

“No! No, i-its fine, I can… finish it later.” 

Heat filling his face, Ryan refused, “No, really, I can call back so you can finish.”

“I-it might help to talk to you, actually. If that’s okay?”

 _Fuck_ him. 

“Like… like phone sex kinda?” 

Matt shifted in his bed, letting the covers fall off him to reveal a dripping erection and the plastic tube of lubricant they had bought earlier resting beside him. “Phone sex, but over video? Is there a word for that?” 

“If there was, I couldn’t tell you, because, uh, I can’t think right now,” answered Ryan.

Matt laughed, then asked, “Can I see you, too?”, his voice soft and innocent. Ryan rolled his eyes, but stood up to walk into his bedroom and shut the door. He laid down on his bed like Matt was and pulled down his boxers, releasing his erect dick into the cool, open air. 

“How far have you gotten, baby?” wondered Ryan, starting to stroke himself gently. He held his phone above him with his other hand, allowing Matt to get a POV shot of his dick.

Matt demonstrated by showing his asshole to the camera, then he inserted three fingers into himself at an achingly slow pace. Matt moaned, low, but still audible. “Fuck, I wish you were here.” 

Ryan’s dick jumped in his hand, “I do too, baby. Have you tried the dildo yet?” 

“I was just about to do that when you called…” 

Releasing a shaky breath, Ryan continued his encouragement, “Show me.”

Matt obliged, grabbing the beautiful, glass toy and slowly inserting that into his expectant hole. Imitating the movement, Ryan squeezed his fist around his cock, pretending he was the one penetrating his friend. 

“Ooh, fuck, Ry,” Matt sighed. Subconsciously, he began rocking himself onto the dildo. He let it slide in and out of him smoothly, carefully. “Fuck, I wish this was you.” 

Ryan let his hand move faster, tightening his fist a little more. 

“Move your camera down more, Ry, I want to see more of what you’re doing.” 

Adjusting the phone so his crotch was the only thing in full view, Ryan thrusted into his fist faster than before. “God, I wish I was the one fucking your tight, little asshole right now.” 

Matt moaned and moved the dildo even faster. “Ry, oh my God, Ry.” 

“How close are you, baby?” 

“I’m so close, fuck, I want to cum.” 

Ryan could barely keep the phone above him, his entire body shuddering with the first signs of his impending orgasm. “Cum for me, Mathew.” 

Matt thrashed on his bed, fucking himself vigorously. He let the dildo go as deep as he could take it and his entire body twitched violently. “Oh, oh fuck! _Fuck!”_ Matt screamed. He was lucky no one else was home, there was no way they wouldn’t have heard that. Continuing to babble nonsensically, he continued trembling until he finally came. His back was arched, his dick spurting cum uncontrollably, he was a mess. 

The sight alone put Ryan over the edge, and he came with a scream of his own, “Matt, oh fuck!” He thrusted into his hand until the last drop of cum was squeezed out of his spent cock. 

Matt panned the phone camera upward, showing his post-orgasm face. 

“How’d it feel?” Ryan asked, smiling ear to ear. 

Matt panted for a few seconds until he answered, “Fucking amazing.” 

Then, without thinking, Ryan said, “Come over. I want to fuck you for real.” 

Blinking, confused, Matt asked, “I… right now? Are you sure?” 

Goddammit, Ryan. Always thinking with his fucking dick. Wasn’t he supposed to be mad at Matt or something? 

“Yes, God, I’m sure. I need you here.” 

Putting his toys and lube back into the plastic bag on the floor, Matt nodded. “I’ll be there in 15.” He gave an irresistible smile before saying his goodbyes. Then he hung up. 

Man, _fuck_ him. 

~~~~~~~~~ END NSFW ~~~~~~~~~

This was absolutely a booty call. And Matt didn’t even care. 

Matt stood outside Ryan’s apartment door like always, this time nearly vibrating with anxiety and nerves. 

Ryan pulled open the door, standing there as if nothing special was about to happen. 

“Sup?” he said, devoid of emotion. Dressed in his normal black t-shirt and boxers, he looked nearly like the opposite of Matt, standing there in a white button up and ironed, khaki pants. Ryan looked him up and down with a teasing smile, “You going to a job interview?”

“Man, shut up.” He pushed past Ryan into his apartment.

“No, but, seriously,” Ryan wondered, “What’s the occasion?” 

Matt shrugged, “I don’t know, I wanted this to be special or something…”

Laughing, Ryan sat down on his couch. Matt followed his lead and sat down as well.

“That 15 minutes of clarity between that call and now reminded me that I’m fucking furious with you,” said Ryan, his voice only slightly tinged with anger. 

“You’re mad at _me?_ ” yelled Matt, pointing a finger at himself.

“You told everyone our secret!” Ryan argued. “That we’re doing gay stuff together!”

“It’s your fault it was a secret in the first place!” countered Matt. “I wanted to talk to people about it but no, not until Ryan Magee gets his head out of his ass and decides how he wants to define what we’re doing.”

“Well, we haven’t even figured out what this relationship _is_!” said Ryan, moving his hand between them to suggest that the both of them were responsible for this. “Are we gay? Is this an experiment? Are we just two fucking horny guys that needed a release? What? _I_ can’t even answer that, I don’t want other people to try and answer it for me.”

“I…” for a good few seconds, Matt couldn’t think of anything to say. “... Aren’t we sort of… dating?”

Ryan laughed, cold, distant, “What dates have we been on, Mathew?” 

Matt gave an exaggerated shrug, “I don’t know! I mean, we hang out all the time-”

“But we don’t do anything, like, _romantic_. We just… fuck around.”

“We’ve talked about this! You’re plenty romantic!”

Ryan looked himself up and down, then at Matt, “We’re about to have actual penetrative sex for the first time, which, don’t get me wrong, should by all means be a special occasion. But look at me man, and then look at you.” 

Matt tilted his head, had he missed something?

“I look like shit, dude,” Ryan shook his head. “You look fantastic and I look like shit. What kind of fucking relationship is this? We look like fucking Jekyll and Hyde, dude. I’ve got no fucking clue what I’m doing and you’re so… so sure of yourself. I can’t even fucking wrap my mind around how all this happened.” He hung his head down, moreso talking to the floor than Matt.

“You think I wanted the Tucker brothers to know how messed up I am? You think I wanted _anyone_ to know that?” 

Scooting closer, Matt took Ryan’s hands into his own, “Ry, what was that you said the other day? That fancy dinners don’t make something romantic. That romance should be… personal, memorable.” He leaned back to take in Ryan’s form, now huddled on his couch cushion, trying to make himself smaller. “Do you think your boxers and black t-shirt and messy hair are gonna, like, detract from the experience? This is 200% Ryan Magee right here.”

Ryan couldn’t help but grin. 

“I don’t think you’re messed up. I think you’re exactly you. Screw what everyone else thinks, we don’t have to put labels on whatever we have. I’m here ‘cause I want to be with you, Ryan. It’s as simple as that.”

Looking up into Matt’s eyes, Ryan leaned in and kissed him, softly, barely more than a press of lips. He whispered, “Thank you,” and Matt could feel Ryan’s breath on his face.

“So…” Ryan started, leaning back again. He was still holding onto Matt’s bony hands, caressing them while they talked. “Do you… still want to do this?” Ryan motioned vaguely toward his bedroom, then looked expectantly at Matt. 

Matt grinned, a thought popping into his head, “Ask me in a way that’s memorable.”

“What?” Ryan didn’t understand.

Matt laughed, “Ask what you just asked, but don’t make it romantic or cheesy or lazy. Make it personal. Make it “you.””

Watching everything suddenly click, Matt saw Ryan stand up and pull Matt up by his hands. Ryan took Matt’s arms and threw them over his shoulders, encouraging Matt to wrap his arms around Ryan’s neck while Ryan lifted Matt up off the ground. Ryan nuzzled his nose against Matt’s, a sweet, chaste action. 

“Matthew, I want you, I really do,” Ryan said, his voice wavering in nervousness. “Let me make love to you.” 

Matt kissed him, hard, as Ryan carried him into the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your sweet comments!! I'm glad yall are enjoying the story as much as I am enjoying writing it haha
> 
> also haha cliffhangers suck, huh?


	11. I'll Give You the World if you Give Me the Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When communication is important so you make sure not to do it. (Vaguely NSFW Warning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm still here and still writing! I've written so much, and I've actually almost have it complete, I just have to double check everything. I go through many many many stages of editing before I post. (And sometimes I still edit it!) So although this chapter is short, I will definitely post more when I am satisfied with the next bit.

“Why do you taste like a casino?” 

Ryan dropped Matt unceremoniously onto his un-made bed, then ran over to the switch on the wall to turn off his bedroom light. The tiny room was just as messy as the last time Matt was here, maybe even more so. 

“Matt, I don’t know what that means,” responded Ryan flatly as he turned on the lamp beside his bed. 

“It’s like the way a casino smells.”

“Smokey?” Ryan laughed. “Yeah, I just had a cigarette.”

Matt frowned, “I thought you quit.”

Bouncing onto the bed, Ryan crawled over Matt in order to spoon him. “I’m in the process of quitting. But if something stresses me out, it’s my only relief right now.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault?” Matt raised his voice, looking over his shoulder at Ryan. 

“You want to get into this now? Really?”

Matt started to say something, then turned back to look toward the bedroom door, still left ajar in their hurry to get into bed. “No,” he answered meekly. “I just… your kisses taste better when you don’t smoke.”

Sighing into Matt’s neck, Ryan began kissing the boy in front of him. “I won’t smoke anymore, I promise,” he whispered. Ryan started nipping at the sensitive spots on Matt’s ear and worked his way down. Matt shuddered under the touch.

“What do my kisses taste like otherwise?” wondered Ryan.

“Like you,” Matt sighed. He bit his lip, thinking of what was soon going to happen. At the moment, he wasn’t quite aroused yet, but again, they _had_ just started. He pulled Ryan’s hand out from behind him and began kissing his fingers. “They just... taste like you.”

Letting his free hand roam around Matt’s backside, Ryan slid his hand down until he reached the waist of Matt’s pants. “Can we… take these off?” 

In reply, Matt rolled over and held Ryan’s face, kissing him while Ryan unzipped Matt’s pants. Continuing to tease him, Ryan slid his fingers under the waistband of Matt’s boxers. Matt sucked in a nervous breath as Ryan reached down to grab the base of his cock. 

“Oh!” Ryan exclaimed in surprise. He stopped kissing Matt to look into his eyes, “You’re not…?” 

Matt reached a hand down there himself to confirm it, but there it was. His dick was there as it always had been, but it was 100% flaccid. 

“M-maybe we just have to warm up a little bit more,” Matt tried, his voice wavering.

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

“Matthew,” Ryan scolded. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“M-maybe my b-blood circulation-yeah that’s it, my circulation is off, somehow,” nodded Matt. “Or maybe I’m sleepy? Haha! Who knows!” 

Breathe, Matt, _breathe_. 

Ryan reached down again to stroke Matt, his hand not even touching skin, and Matt subconsciously shirked away from the touch. Frowning, Ryan instead placed a firm hand on Matt’s hip, looking him in the eyes once more, “... Is it me? Do you think I’m forcing you into this because I’m not-“

Shaking his head quickly, Matt answered, “No, no! No, it’s not you…” He took a deep breath, “This is gonna sound really stupid, but I think… I’m thinking too much? I’m just too… too...”

“Nervous?” Ryan offered. 

“Yeah, something like that.” 

“It’s okay, dude, we can wait to have sex,” said Ryan with a nonchalant shrug. “I’m not mad or anything. It happens.” 

“This has never happened to me before!” Matt answered, raising his voice again. “I have no idea where this-” 

“Shhhh,” Ryan whispered. He reached for Matt’s hands and intertwined their fingers. “Now it’s my turn to calm _you_ down. You’ve been jumpy since you got here… are you worried about the sex stuff?” 

Matt didn’t move his head to say yes, though he wished he had. 

Ryan sat up, and got out of bed. He stood up to walk across the room, rummaging through his closet for a clean towel. “I’m gonna go take a cold shower before I get too, uh, worked-up. Do you need anything while I’m up?”

Shaking his head, Matt pulled the covers over himself. He waited until Ryan’s footsteps had gotten quiet enough and sat up in bed. What was going on with him? What was happening? What was _wrong_ with him?

Matt slammed his face into a pillow, praying to fall asleep before Ryan came back. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

After a long night of, well, _nothing_ , Matt was looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. A quiet, awkward and anxiety-filled weekend as things still hadn’t felt normal between him and the Tucker brothers. He hid himself away in his room, ignoring the call for breakfast.

But soon enough, Matt heard a soft knock at the door. He scrubbed at his face with his calloused palms, “Yeah?”

Keeping the door closed, the Tucker brother pressed his nose to it, speaking just loud enough to be heard. “Dude, I know I’m the last person you want to talk to.” Harrison, of course he was the one they sent. “But I need to just clear the air here, okay? I can’t say sorry, because it was our fault- _my_ fault that we confronted you like that yesterday. I just… we were fucking idiots, man. I didn’t know you and Ryan were… it doesn’t even matter, I’m just, I know I’m an asshole, and I need to beg for your forgiveness, okay?”

Matt had to smirk, at least Harrison was always genuine. But there was no way he could face him right now, not after he had asked him all that… anal sex stuff… and now Harrison knew it was because of Ryan? Ugh that must cross so many boundary lines of their friendship. 

He could hear Harrison slide down against the wooden door that separated the two of them. “Had I known I… well even if I knew, we shouldn’t’ve interrogated you like that. It’s not our business and it’s not our place. We’re just a bunch of dumbasses.”

Matt stood up to open the door. Harrison scrambled away, allowing space for the door to swing open. “Are we okay?”

Sighing, Matt nodded, “I can’t be mad, it's our fault. You were right to be suspicious. We were irresponsible and that's not fair to you guys.”

“But it wasn’t fair to force you to tell us why you were being that way! It was literally none of our business.”

“But we shoulda just told you; we knew we should have.”

“Matt, look at us right now.” Harrison laughed. “We’re arguing over who should be more sorry.”

Realizing he was right, Matt laughed too. 

“So, sorry, I’ll drop the subject but I gotta ask, what does this mean now?” Harrison wondered. 

Matt cocked his head to the side, looking at Harrison with a puzzled expression. 

“I mean, like, are you and Ryan serious? Like, are you official?” 

“What!” Matt nearly yelled in surprise. “No, no! We’re just…” Matt didn’t want to answer that himself. Especially with Ryan qualifying whatever they had as “fucking around.” Did Matt want them to be dating? He didn’t even know anymore. Clearly, from Ryan’s answer, they weren’t, nor did it look like they were going to anytime soon. But he could see the worried lines marring Harrison’s face. Matt had to say something. “I don’t know what we are right now, but it doesn’t feel super serious.” True enough.

Harrison sighed, “Ah, man, okay. I mean, as long as you guys are mutual on that.” They weren’t. “I wouldn’t want things to be weird between you, especially if Supermega is still a thing-”

“Of course it’s still a thing!” Matt yelled. “Don’t say something like that, God.” Shaking his head, he added, “A stupid relationship shouldn’t go before you guys, let alone the _company._ ”

Harrison gave a half-hearted smirk, “That’s sweet, but, uh, maybe you oughta do that sometime. You've been single for too long.” Harrison clapped Matt hard on the back, “Besides! You just opened up another whole side of the dating pool! I bet you’ll find someone to be serious with somewhere in there.”

Matt hadn’t even thought about that. He hadn’t thought about anyone in that way other than Ryan. Maybe he was being naïve to think his first gay-relationship would be his _only_ gay relationship. “Yeah…” Matt agreed, though not entirely convinced. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Tightening the last bolt onto the Truck Simulator rig, Jackson let out a loud sigh. The Truck Simulator series had gotten so popular, the Supermega team had decided to up the playing experience by simulating the inside of a trucker’s cab; complete with a plastic steering wheel, a joystick gearshift, and metal pedals attached by velcro to a wooden board. Because these weren’t actually parts of a truck, these controllers ended up moving apart as the game went on. This made it ridiculously difficult for Matt and Ryan to play. Jackson had recently found a solution, “Alright, it _shouldn’t_ fall apart this time. The pedals aren’t, like, bolted on, but the velcro should help with them sliding and stuff. And the wood casing that it's stuck to shouldn’t break either thanks to this thing.” He waved his wrench around as if that proved his mechanic prowess. 

“Thanks, Jackson,” the Supermega boys said in unison. Ryan sat down at the rig, getting the feel for the pedals and the steering wheel before booting up their save file.

Jackson stood up and took a moment to stare at the two of them. 

Ryan could feel something like wonder or bewilderment radiating off of Jackson. Too obviously, he wanted to ask something. Jackson hadn’t gotten to talk to either of them since, well, last Friday, after the meltdown. And of course Jackson fucking wanted to know _everything,_ the nosy, little... “Yes?” Ryan asked.

“Nothing, I just… I haven’t wrapped my mind around…” He motioned toward the two of them, then pushed his palms together. “... All this.”

“Us either, dude,” smiled Matt. “But we’ll let you know when we do.” 

Ryan felt his shoulders move upwards in a shrug, but he nodded anyway. 

Jackson nodded back awkwardly, still staring shamelessly at the two of them. 

“I’m gonna… go take a piss,” said Matt before trying to walk as casually as possible past Jackson and down the hall. 

“So you and Matt, huh?” Jackson started, plopping down on the couch next to the finished truck rig. Ryan looked sideways at him, and then back up at the television which now displayed the PC’s desktop. Double-clicking on the program’s icon, the two waited as the game started to load.

Fiddling with the loose threads at the hem of his jean shorts, Jackson tried again, “You and Matt have been together for awhile, yeah? Why didn’t you say something earlier? Did you think we’d hate y’all or something?” 

Ryan put down the mouse to his right, taking a long glance at his friend before answering. “Jackson, I love ya, but I’m trying to set this up-”

“I’m sorry, I’m such a jackass,” Jackson blurted, knowing he had limited time before Matt returned. “I’m a fucking nosy jackass who got all up in your business and now everything is awkward.” He placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, “But I don’t want it to be awkward, I want us to be able to be like normal again.”

Ryan nodded, understanding, “Ok. Thanks.” Shrugging off Jackson’s hand, Ryan returned to search through the options menu of Truck Simulator. He had no settings to change, he just wanted to look busy. “I want things to be normal too,” Ryan added, his attention pulled to the screen rather than Jackson. “But I think... it’ll take awhile.” Jackson stayed silent, but nodded in understanding.

Once Matt returned to the room, Jackson nodded again awkwardly before scooting out the door. 

“Did you hear what Jackson said at all?” Ryan asked as Matt sat beside him.

“A bit,” Matt replied. “Harrison said something similar over the weekend. I think they just want to mend bridges, Ry.”

“I know, I know,” sighed Ryan, taking out his man-bun to re-tie it. “It’s just- this is exactly what I _didn’t_ want to happen, you know? Everyone’s walkin’ on eggshells and I hate it.”

Matt scooted closer, resting his head on Ryan’s shoulder. “At least it’ll pass.”

Ryan hummed thoughtfully. He hadn’t wanted to bring this up, but it began to eat at him, “Do you think we oughta take a break?”

Matt froze, “A break from what?”

“A break from us doing physical shit. You know what I mean.”

Matt was silent for a beat, then raised his head to look Ryan in the eye before asking, “Why?”

“Because everyone’s uncomfortable and acting weird! If we just wait til things cool down and go back to normal, maybe it’ll be fine to keep... doing stuff, I guess.”

Matt frowned, but quickly tried to hide it under a forced neutral expression, “But I don’t want to do that.” 

Ryan could have laughed. Matt’s naïve yet honest perspective always put a smile on his face, but he figured Matt wouldn’t appreciate that nor understand it. So instead, Ryan shrugged, “I mean, it’s not ideal, but, what else can we do?”

“Everyone else just needs to get over it,” argued Matt. “It’s their problem, not ours.”

“Matthew,” Ryan sighed, lowering his voice. “It’s better not to add fuel to the fire right now, okay? As much as I want to keep going...” He shook his head, unable to find the right words to justify the decision. 

Matt sat back, sinking into the soft couch cushions. “Well… what counts as too physical? I mean, even before we started having sex, we harassed each other all the time. That was _normal_.”

“Okay, well, I’ll tell you if you’re going too far,” Ryan decided, “And you let me know if _I_ go too far.”

As a challenge, Matt put his hand on Ryan’s leg, “Is this too much?”

Ryan threw him a look of derision, “Matthew…”

“I’m just asking! I want to know what the boundaries are.”

Like hell he’s “just asking,” thought Ryan. But still, the idea of a competition aroused something in him. In retaliation, Ryan wrapped an arm around Matt’s shoulders. “This right here? This is fine.”

Matt blinked, “You don’t think that’s too intimate?”

Ryan shrugged, “Should it be?”

Matt scooted closer and rested his head on Ryan’s shoulder again, but this time, Matt’s lips were dangerously close to his ear. “This is fine too, then, right?” he whispered flirtatiously.

Ryan shuddered. Fuck Matt, why did he have to be so good at remembering Ryan’s weak spots? 

And they should’ve stopped there. Ryan should have said no. He knew better. But instead he nearly growled a “Y-yeah. That’s fine.” 

He felt Matt release a shaky breath against his cheek, and Ryan grinned. At least he knew how to push Matt’s buttons too. 

Matt reached a hand up to stroke Ryan’s beard, turning his head toward Matt’s in the process. “And this?”

“Perfectly fine,” whispered Ryan. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Fuck the break. He seized Matt’s lips and pulled this skinny man onto his lap. Matt was careful not to bump the steering wheel or the clutch of the truck rig while climbing onto Ryan. 

After a good minute of making out, Matt pulled back and smiled, “How’s that break working out?”

“You make it fucking hard to say no,” Ryan grinned. He put his hands on Matt’s hips and looked up into his blue eyes, bright with excitement. 

“We should probably get to recording, though,” Matt said after another soft kiss. “Jackson might come back to check on the rig.”

“Such a fucking _tease,_ ” groaned Ryan. “I hate it.” He punctuated this by grabbing Matt’s hips harder, nearly bruising him. But his displeasure only seemed to feed Matt’s ego.

“No you don’t, you love it,” Matt laughed. 

“Well, I hate that I love it,” finished Ryan. 

Matt got off Ryan’s lap to sit next to him. On the TV screen in front of them, Ryan ran through various windows before getting the screen capture exactly how he wanted it. 

“Let’s take this thing for a test spin, shall we?” Ryan clicked on the Training option and waited for the next screen to load. 

“Thanks for lettin’ me ride wit’cha, Mr. Trucker, sir,” said Matt, in his best innocent-southern-boy voice. “Where’r we headed?”

Ryan gripped the steering wheel as if it were real. “I’ll take you anywhere you want as long as you give me something first.” He added a wink to increase the creepiness. 

Matt tried to hide the blush creeping across his face,”So I’m the guy who turns tricks for truckers?”

”Tricks _are_ for truckers, they say,” joked Ryan.

”You know what I meant, shut up,” said Matt, getting redder by the second.

“Hmm. That kinda makes you like a whore, huh?”

Matt bit his lip and turned away, but Ryan could tell he was affected by the name-calling. “Oh you _like_ that, do ya?” Ryan pulled Matt into his lap once more. Truck Simulator be damned. “You like the idea of being a truck stop slut?”

“Ry, come on,” Matt whined.

But instead, Ryan wormed his way under Matt’s striped t-shirt, carefully raking his nails through the thin hair leading from Matt’s belly button to down below the belt. 

“Fuck, Ryan,” moaned the skinny man, nearly losing his balance and falling into Ryan. Matt buried his face in Ryan’s neck, kissing and biting softly.

Ryan let his hands wander down to grab Matt’s ass. “God, I can’t wait to fuck you,” Ryan whispered. 

The recording room door squeaked open, someone’s shadow covering the two horny men. 

“Hey guys, how’s the-“ Jackson started. 

Ryan and Matt froze, but slowly turned to look at the bespectacled man in the doorway. 

“Is this a bit?” he asked, brows furrowed. 

Matt and Ryan looked at each other, then back at Jackson, answering with a simultaneous, “Yes?”

Shaking his head, Jackson sighed, “Come on, guys. Really? Here? In the recording room for Christ’s sake? I know we were dicks to you, but we weren’t kidding about the “missing work” thing. We’re already off schedule and it really bites. We’re not gonna ever catch up if you guys are fooling around _in the office._ ”

Looking like two wounded puppies, the two men on the couch nodded, “Sorry Jackson, we won’t do that anymore,” said Ryan, trying his best not to outright glare at Matt. 

And for the rest of the recording session, Jackson sat between them. Very much like a father protecting his daughter from boys at the prom. In any other situation, Ryan would’ve joked and called this a cock-block, but, essentially that _was_ what Jackson was doing.

And, God, what he would give to be alone with Matt again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still liking this! It's gonna get dramatic soon so hold on to your hats, folks.


	12. Baby, I Think We'd Have a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever you need, baby. Except, you know, one thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for reading, it's been a blast to write this so far. And don't worry! It doesn't end here, haha.

The moonlight shined like a spotlight down onto Ryan’s dark Fiat. Matt waited expectantly alongside Ryan as he unlocked it. 

“Matt, you don’t want to carpool with me? We literally live in the same house,” Jackson yelled after locking the door to the Supermegaplex. 

“Nah, I’d rather ride with my boyfriend,” Matt yelled back. Within seconds, he realized what he had said and turned to Ryan. “I’m joking! I just-it’s a joke.” God, he had to learn to shut his frickin mouth. First the “L” word, now the “B” word. If he accidentally says the “H” word, he’s done for.

“You can call me that if you want to,” Ryan shrugged. Matt sighed and nodded a silent “thank you” in Ryan’s direction. Though he said it was okay, Ryan’s expression read as something else entirely.

“Suit yourself!” Jackson yelled back, walking to his car. The two Supermega boys watched as Jackson’s Sudan screeched out of the drive and out onto the empty road.

“Not counting the interruption, I had a lot of fun recording tonight,” Matt smiled. His heart felt full, as if recharged from a couple hours of jokes and laughter. 

“Our “interruption” or Jackson’s?” asked Ryan. His eyes narrowed and pierced through Matt easily, though they remained playful. 

“Jackson’s! Ours was… nice.”

Ryan leaned against the drivers side door and pulled Matt toward him, kissing him softly but purposefully. “Just nice, huh?”

Wrapping his skinny arms around Ryan, Matt returned the kiss. “Maybe a bit more than nice.” 

“God, this feels like high school,” Ryan joked. “You, me, a car. You know, “my parents aren’t home so we can go back to my place”.” 

“I was thinking more “college” than “high school,” but whatever satisfies your weird little fantasy.” Matt grinned, playing with the fraying collar of Ryan’s shirt, “Unless you’re planning on us parking somewhere.”

Ryan made a disgusted face, “You think there’s enough room in the Fiat for me to fuck you?”

“Dude, shut up!” Matt looked around quickly, forgetting the hour and that Jackson had already left. “God, I’m not used to, like, being so open about that.” 

Ryan kissed Matt’s cheek, “I’m just messin’ with you. Come on, let me take you home.”

Matt stared at him, confused, “You’re coming over to my place? But the Tuckers’ are there.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow, “Did you want to hang out still? I figured you’d be sick of me by now; we’ve spent hours together already.”

“You know I can’t get enough of you, baby,” Matt crooned.

“Are you Smash-Mouthing me? You can’t be Smash-Mouthing me.”

“God, please don’t make that a verb.”

Ryan waggled his eyebrows, “I’ll smash  _ your  _ mouth.”

“You know what? I changed my mind, I’m not hanging out with you anymore.”

Laughing, Ryan playfully slapped Matt’s ass before saying, “Get in the car, asshole.” Matt nearly jumped at the action, but got into the car anyway.

~~~~~

Ryan was starting to think that these clandestine visits were becoming too normal, too ingrained in the way Matt and he conducted their relationship. Sneaking past Matt’s sleeping roommates, Ryan felt dirty, and not in a good way. 

Without seeing him, the boys heard a “Hey!” come from the living room. Carson popped his head up, he had been hidden behind the arm of the couch, face illumated solely by the light of his phone. 

“H-hey, Carson,” Matt stuttered. “Didn’t see you there.”

Carson sat up, “Yeah, was just about to hit the hay myself.” He stretched his long, lanky arms as he yawned loudly. “You boys gettin’ up to some trouble tonight?” He threw in a wink. 

Ryan was horrified, were they that transparent? 

But then Carson backpedaled. “Oh-I… I forgot you guys probably are... gettin’ up to some trouble, eh?” 

He stood up to walk past Ryan and patted him on the back. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, player.” He winked again. Ryan could have spontaneously combusted in that moment, and he would not regret a thing. 

Well, maybe one thing. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° NSFW STARTS HERE °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Once in Matt’s room, he collected himself. He physically shook off whatever feelings had stuck themselves onto him. He had to focus. This wasn’t about him, it was about Matt. Wasn’t it?

As soon as Matt finished putting down his stuff, he glued himself to Ryan, first pressing lips, then hands, then bodies onto each other’s skin. Matt walked himself backward, grabbing Ryan’s hand to pull him toward the bed. Once they were both sitting on the edge, Matt seized Ryan’s lips again.

“Jesus, are you horny or what?” Ryan got out between kisses.

“Shut up, I’m just excited,” tried Matt. 

Grabbing Matt’s hand, Ryan rubbed his thumb across the back of it, stopping the frantic actions of his friend. “You’re excited? Or nervous?”

Matt snatched his hand back, “Man, stop reading my mind!” 

Ryan leaned over to kiss the lanky man on the cheek, “Breathe, Matt. Let’s take it slow. Just breathe.” 

If possible, Matt looked more anxious after those words. 

Ryan laughed, but admitted, “I’m… I’m nervous too. And I know my way of dealing with it is different than yours, so…,” he took a deep breath, “So tell me, what can I do to help?”

Matt shook his head, “I don’t know.” He let out a deep sigh, not looking at Ryan as he spoke. “I think you’re right. We gotta… we gotta take it slow. All our other times we’ve been together have been really heat-of-the-moment. Maybe that’s why it’s been difficult to, well…”

Ryan took the younger man’s hands once more, a silent confirmation that Matt didn’t need to finish that sentence. 

“So... let’s work backward.”

“Work backward like do what we should’ve done the first time?” Ryan frowned. 

Matt nodded, “Yeah, communication and all that.”

Ryan visibly winced at that, knowing it was aimed at him more than the two of them. But he knew Matt wasn’t wrong. Ryan laid down on Matt’s twin bed, patting the space beside him. Hesitantly, Matt followed suit. The two moved their faces closer, awkwardly, and Matt couldn’t help smiling. 

“Fuck, why is this so hard? We’ve done this before,” Matt told Ryan, as if he didn’t know.

“We’re thinking too hard. We gotta relax.”

So when Ryan was finally close enough, Matt craned his neck upwards so their lips would touch softly. They exchanged soft pecks until Ryan decided he needed more. He used his tongue to part Matt’s soft lips. Matt let his tongue glide alongside Ryan’s, deepening their kiss. Working Matt’s t-shirt up and off his shoulders, Ryan intended to disrobe the skinny one completely. Before he could do so, Matt pulled at Ryan’s black shirt, getting it caught on his head, clumsily, before tossing it across the room. 

After the shirts were off, Matt climbed on top of Ryan, their pants still on. 

“God, you’re gorgeous,” whispered Ryan, without thinking.

Matt blushed, the crimson tone spreading from his cheeks to his chest. To distract himself, Matt walked his fingers up Ryan’s chest, only pausing to ruffle the soft brown hair there. 

Ryan smirked, “You like the manly chest hair?”

Sincerely, Matt nodded, “I’ve never noticed how soft it is before.”

Ryan caught Matt’s wrist and pulled him down, just far enough for them to kiss again. Letting his fingers dance along Ryan’s chest, Matt lost himself in the fiery and electric burn of skin on skin. At the same time, Ryan’s rough hands found Matt’s ass and grabbed it. Choking in surprise, Matt broke the kiss, while the older man thrusted upwards to grind against Matt’s ass.

“Ah, fuck, Ryan,” Matt hissed through his teeth. Though the friction was welcome, the friction from jean on jean was not. “Help me get my pants off,” begged Matt.

Once both men were naked, they flipped positions, with Ryan now towering over Matt. He gripped Matt’s hard cock loosely in his hand, watching intently as Matt reached into his bedside drawer for the lube. 

“You’re sure you’re ready? You… you want to do this?” Ryan asked, panic seeping into his voice.

Matt nodded. “I’m ready, Ry. I’ve wanted this… for a long time.”

Ryan felt his face twitch, “And you’re sure you’re… clean and everything?”

Matt paused, not understanding, “You mean like STDs? Yeah, I don’t-“

“No-no, I mean…” Ryan pursed his lips. “I mean like… ‘cause it’s your  _ asshole.. _ .”

“What?!” shouted Matt, shocked. He brought down his voice, realizing he was being too loud. “Ryan, you’ve fingered me before.”

“I didn’t get that far up!” Ryan explained, demonstrating by showing two right fingers only slightly going through the circle made by his left hand. 

“I didn’t exactly bring a douche to the office, Ryan,” Matt answered, livid. 

“It was a question, I’m nervous, Jesus Christ.” 

Matt sighed, but nodded in understanding, “I think that’s just the risk of fucking an asshole, dude. So make a choice, what do you want to do?”

Ryan licked his lips, “God only knows how much I want to fuck you right now.”

“Then fuck me, Ryan.”

Lubing up his fingers, Ryan worked the first one in and out of Matt’s hole slowly. Matt was trying to keep a calm, steady breathing pattern, but he gasped softly as Ryan added another finger. Ryan curled his fingers upward, rubbing circles against Matt’s prostate slowly.

“Oh my god, Ry,” Matt moaned. “K-keep doing that.”

“What’s that feel like?” asked Ryan, voice heavy with want. 

“Good, oh my God, so good,” Matt babbled. “Fuck-fuck me, please.”

“Are you sure?” asked Ryan, punctuating the question with a few more thrusts with his hand. 

“ _ Yes,  _ God, please, Ryan.”

Placing pillows behind Matt’s back, Ryan made sure his partner was comfortable. “We’re gonna take it slow, okay? My dick’s a lot bigger than a couple of fingers.” Matt spread his legs and Ryan got close, positioning himself against Matt. 

Matt nodded and braced himself for Ryan’s cock to enter him. But he was tense, too tense for anything to enter. The head of Ryan’s dick pressed eagerly against Matt’s hole and slowly started its entrance past the first ring of muscle. 

“Ryan, fuck, stop-stop-stop,” Matt sucked a breath in through his teeth. “It fuckin’ hurts, Ry.”

Ryan did as he was told and backed himself out. “Breathe,” Ryan said. “Try and relax your muscles. It hurts less if you’re not so tense.”

“Yeah?!” Matt shot back through gritted teeth. “How the fuck would you know what this is like?!”

“I…” Ryan sounded shy, completely unlike him. “I… read about bottoming. I wanted to be sure I was careful to not, uh, hurt you…”

Despite the pain, Matt smiled, “You’re too sweet.” But then Ryan started to push himself in again. “Ow-Fuck! Give me a warning first!”

“Sorry! You gotta relax, dude,” Ryan fussed. 

Sucking in a deep breath, readying himself, Matt let out a deep sigh as he relaxed his muscles. He nodded at Ryan, giving his okay to continue. Ryan moved slowly, carefully, watching Matt’s face for any sign of pain. 

“S-slower,” Matt moaned, “You’re so big, I-I can’t-“

Shushing him, Ryan kissed Matt’s bent knee gently, “Whatever you need, baby.”

“God, I feel so full with you inside me,” Matt continued babbling. “Can you move a little faster? Just a little faster.”

Ryan tried to angle himself upwards, thrusting slowly. 

“Fuck!” screamed Matt, his back arching as a result.

“Do I need to stop?” Ryan could feel Matt shaking underneath him. 

“No-no, i-it feels… fucking fantastic, Ry. D-do it again.”

He obliged without a fuss, thrusting into Matt a little faster this time. 

Matt moaned, low but powerful, “Keep fucking me.”

With every penetrative movement, Matt moaned louder and louder. And with every moan, Ryan moved faster and faster until he was full-on fucking his friend.

“O-oh my God, Ryan,” Matt groaned, his body shaking under the strain.

“Fuck, man, you’re so tight, I’m gonna cum any second.”

Ryan snaked his right hand down, past Matt’s hipbone to his groin. He attempted to touch Matt, but Matt batted Ryan’s hand away.

“Ry, s-stop, it’s too much,” cried Matt, almost mewling in the mix of pain and pleasure. 

Ryan paused his thrusting for a moment, “Too much bad or good?”

Matt could barely think let alone talk. “I-I think… bad, just, it’s too much.” 

Wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist loosely, Ryan gave him a quick squeeze, somewhat resembling a hug. “It’s okay, baby, I got you.”

“K-keep moving,” Matt nearly whispered. “Please. I need this, I need you.”

Picking up his pace again, Ryan fucked Matt fast and hard, letting his balls make an obscene slapping sound as they bounced against Matt’s ass. Matt was so tight, warm, wet, and the sight of him coming apart before Ryan’s eyes was enough to put him over the edge. 

“O-oh fuck, Matt,” Ryan groaned, “I’m cumming!” He felt his entire body spasm in pleasure. It was so intense, Ryan swore he could see stars. 

As his orgasm slowed to a stop, he pulled his dick out of Matt, still dripping with cum. Matt laid in bed, acting blissed out as well, but his abandoned cock told a different story. Ryan grabbed it and started jerking it, working fast and roughly. 

“Ry, oh my God,” Matt gasped as the first spurts of cum poured out of his aching dick. He laid there, his hips bucking in ecstasy while he came. Once he was completely spent, he looked down at his stomach, now painted in semen. 

“Fuck, I can’t even move,” laughed Matt. 

Ryan could, so he stood up to find kleenex and wipe the two of them down. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° NSFW END °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“God that was amazing,” Matt continued. “Cuddle me, I need you.” 

Ryan smiled, “Gimme a minute, baby, let me throw this away.” He tossed the dirty tissues into a waste basket and got back into bed. He kissed Matt’s face, neck, and lips, noticing his friend was covered in a light sheen of sweat. He wiped his own brow to find he, too, was a sweaty mess. 

“Ugh, you want to cuddle? Are you sure? I must smell terrible.”

Matt pulled Ryan’s hand, guiding him under the covers, “You smell fantastic, get over here.”

Ryan wrapped an arm around Matt, sighing into his neck. 

“We gotta do that again sometime,” said Matt. 

“Give me some time to recover, dude.”

“I didn’t mean right now,” Matt laughed, “I’m too comfortable now.”

Ryan agreed, “Yeah, me too.” He felt the beginnings of sleep wash over him, his eyelids feeling heavy. 

“Hey Ry?”

“Mhmm?” he hummed. 

Matt paused for a second, then said, “I love you.”

“I love you too, dude.”

“No, no, I mean…” Matt fidgeted a bit before rolling over to look Ryan in the eyes. “I think… I think I’m in love with you, Ryan.”

Ryan froze. Fuck, he just wanted to sleep, what was he supposed to say now?!

“Oh,” he answered. 

Matt lay there, silent, waiting for a proper response. 

“Th-thank you,” Ryan mumbled. He let his eyelids close, falling asleep slowly. 

_ Thank you?,  _ thought Ryan.  _ Jesus CHRIST. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending comes from experience actually haha. Except I didn't realize how cringey saying "thank you" was until farrrrrr too late. D= Hopefully none of you have ever done that!!!


	13. Is That the Way You Treat Your Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why's love gotta hurt this much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to you all for stickin with me through this bizarre story. We're finally getting to the sad stuff! Woo! I'm writing this from a very real place, so, I hope it comes off okay.

A frantic beeping woke Matt from his deep sleep. His phone alarm, it was just his phone alarm. He looked around, his glasses elsewhere, squinting to see where his phone ended up. Noticing the other side of the bed was empty, he felt the sheets and was surprised to find they were cold. How long ago had Ryan gotten up? Had he gone to get breakfast or something?

Once he found his glasses, Matt turned off the alarm and got dressed quickly to begin his search for Ryan. He stepped out into the hallway and was met with a round of applause from the Tucker brothers. Confused, Matt walked into the kitchen, finding all three of them sitting at the table. 

“Congrats on the sex!” Carson started, still clapping. 

“Proud of you, Matt!” grinned Harrison. 

“Can you, like, not be so loud next time, though?” added Jackson. 

Matt felt his face start to burn, “You guys could… hear us?”

“You were basically screaming in there, Matt,” laughed Harry. “I got worried until Carson let us know Ryan was over.”

Matt let his face fall onto the hard counter next to the kitchen sink. 

“It’s okay, dude, we won’t hold it against you,” Jackson said. “Maybe tease you, but, you know, nothing malicious.” 

“Where is Ryan, by the way? He deserves shade too,” Carson wondered. 

Matt turned around, facing the group at the table, “You guys haven’t seen him?”

They shook their heads, “He’s not in the bathroom or something?” asked Harry. 

Matt felt his heart sink deeper into his chest. Shaking his head, Matt noted, “He wasn’t in there and I haven’t seen him all morning.”

“Maybe he went home to take care of Lego,” offered Jackson. 

Matt shrugged, but wasn’t convinced. He remembered the moment right before Ryan fell asleep last night very vividly. God, why did he have to say that? Why did he say the “L” word  _ again _ ? Shouldn’t he have expected this response from Ryan? Matt should've kept his goddamn mouth shut. He knew Ryan couldn’t commit to what to eat for lunch let alone a serious relationship. He sighed deeply, forgetting the others in the room. 

“You okay, Matt?” asked Harrison. 

He nodded, “I’m just… going to chill for a bit.” 

He headed back into his room and shut the door, nearly squeezing Banana in the frame. The orange cat hopped up onto Matt’s pillow. Did he sense that Matt needed a friend?

“It’s my fault, why am I even surprised?” said Matt, answering Banana’s questioning look. 

Matt's socked feet made soft padding sounds as he paced the small perimeter of his bedroom. 

“I just had to fucking catch feelings, didn’t I?” 

Matt felt his face growing hot, his throat closing up, making it harder to breathe. 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he finished, slumping down onto the carpet.

He closed his eyes. He had to calm down, it wasn’t as bad as he thought; it’s never as bad as you think it is. Breathe. 

“Breathe, Matt,” he heard in his mind. "Just breathe." It was in Ryan’s voice, said in hushed tones like last night. Just like anytime he was on the edge of panic attack, Ryan was there to calm him down. To talk to him and let Matt melt into his chest, peppering him with kisses. To hold him and stay with him. Stay with him.

But Ryan left.

Matt released a shaky breath and felt something wet crawl down his cheek.

“Don’t be such a needy bitch,” Matt scolded himself. He sighed again, clutching his chest. Breathe,  _ breathe dammit. _ God, did it have to be so cold in this stupid room without Ryan next to him?

Matt hit himself in the head, “Stop thinking about him!”

But he knew he couldn’t. He’d been thinking about Ryan so often these days that he didn’t remember anything without him. Everything had been so simple between them before; if Matt needed something, Ryan would rush over no matter what. 

So maybe Matt should just fucking talk to him.

Matt sat up suddenly. He found his phone and opened his messages. He pulled up a conversation with Ryan, the last text shared being a Shrek meme. He wrote and deleted then rewrote several ideas for opening lines. He’d already scrapped “why did you leave?”, “where are you?”,  and “did i do something wrong?” even though these were totally valid options. He had every right to know why Ryan left without even waking him. Right?

Banana meowed from his bed, sensing his distress.

He tried typing again, “Hey where’d u go haha” and he frowned. “Too casual?” he asked, looking over at Banana. The cat hopped off the bed and onto his lap. Matt took that as an agreement. He finally decided on a casual, “u alright?” and plugged his phone into the wall to charge. Matt had his blue eyes glued to the ceiling, recalling the events of last night. He imagined Ryan’s fingers on his skin so vividly, he could swear he could feel them ghosting over him.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Fuck,” Ryan spat for the third time in 2 minutes. He stood in his apartment’s living room, breathing slowly to attempt to calm himself. His heart felt heavy just thinking of Matt. And this wasn’t a “God I need to tell him this joke before I forget” heaviness or even a “I want to see this movie with him” heaviness. This was pining, this was longing, this was lo-

“No!” Ryan screamed to no one in particular. He refused, he couldn’t think that way about his friend. His  _ business partner.  _ So what if Matt felt otherwise?  This was just a What Are The Odds that went too far. That’s all. And if he repeated the thought in his head enough times, maybe he’d start to actually believe it.

His heart beat against his rib cage rapidly, his breath getting quicker. “God, I’m anxious and he’s not even  _ here. _ ” He reclined against a wall. He needed to relax, but how? There was no way he was gonna sleep. Bathing or showering would just lead to jerking off and jerking off would lead to thinking about-

He sighed and scrubbed a calloused hand against his beard. An unwrapped pack of American Spirits caught his eye, sitting patiently on the kitchen counter. He told Matt he quit, and he  _ had  _ quit, but even the normalcy of asking for cigarettes at the corner 7/11 before he had arrived home that morning had brought some peace back into the chaos that had recently engulfed his life.  God, he hadn’t even given himself time to process what happened last night. He hit the metaphorical eject button as soon as he noticed they were heading somewhere Ryan just wasn’t ready for. Somewhere serious. Somewhere with an ending that couldn’t possibly be happy.

Christ, how could he have let things go this far?

Ryan felt a buzz from his pocket and, without thinking, he grabbed the phone from his gym shorts and chucked it across the room, slamming into the wall before sliding onto the carpet. His hands, shaking, sweating, grabbed for the cigarettes before he could change his  mind. Slipping on his slides, he glanced at the phone notification before grabbing his keys. “Text From Mat Twatson.”

He slammed the door behind him. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Matt finally decided to take the initiative several hours later. He knocked boldly at Ryan’s apartment door. He had to see him, no matter if the outcome was good or bad. They needed to work this out. Hell, their jobs depended on it, if nothing else.

And when he yanked open that door, Ryan looked… not at all happy to see him. There were dark circles under his eyes, his movements were lethargic, and he dropped like an anvil down into a chair once he led Matt inside. 

“Ryan? Are you okay?” Matt asked, stepping closer to him. The faint smell of tobacco hung in the air, “Dude, are you serious? You’re smoking again?”

“I can’t do this anymore, Matt,” Ryan said, almost too quietly.

“You’re damn right you can’t! We  _ talked  _ about the cigarettes, this-“

“No, dipshit, I’m talking about us.”

Matt froze, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t keep fucking around like this, dude. It was fun when we were fooling around, but now there’s like… feelings and shit. I’m sorry but it’s fucking stressing me out. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t do fucking anything without y-“ Ryan shook his head, rephrasing the sentence, “I can’t  _ do  _ fucking  _ anything  _ anymore.”

Matt shook his head in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening. No, not after everything. “So, so we  _ work  _ on it, you don’t just give up! That’s what a relationship  _ is. _ ”

“Of course I can fucking give up, I just  _ did.  _ We weren’t in a real relationship anyway, not really.”

“What the fuck are you talking about “not a real relationship”?”

“It was supposed to be a  _ game,  _ Matt!” Ryan threw up his arms in frustration. “A game we took way too far. We’re not  _ really  _ dating. We’re not  _ really  _ boyfriends.”

“Is that what this is to you?” Matt asked. “Just part of a game?” He could feel his face getting hot again. This wasn’t real, it felt too much like a nightmare to be real.

“Would we have kissed if it wasn’t part of a game?”

Matt didn’t have an answer for that.

Ryan laughed dryly, “Exactly! And once it went past that, we went into fucking hiding.”

“Look, once it got too far, you wanted it to be a secret just as much as I did!” 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Ryan enunciated clearly. ”I __ said it would be great to keep it  _ secret _ in case it ever blew the fuck up like this! If it was secret, at least we could end things without anyone realizing.”

Matt let out a loud bark of a laugh, “As if we were gonna be able to end this amicably anyway. As if you’d wake up and be like, “You know what? I’m tired of fucking Matt today, maybe we can go back to being just friends.””

“And why the fuck not?!” Ryan yelled, losing his cool. “I- what are you doing?” 

He was running out of cards to play and excuses to make, but he had one more idea to get Ryan’s attention. Desperate, Matt started taking off his glasses and t-shirt, standing shirtless in Ryan’s living room. “Then say it.” 

“Say what?”

The belt buckle on Matt’s pants made a loud thud as it hit the floor. “Say you’re tired of fucking me.”

“This is some manipulative bullshit and you know it.”

“Say we can go back to being just friends,” commanded Matt, now standing completely naked in front of Ryan. “Tell me you don’t want me while I’m right here in front of you, and I’ll believe you.”

“Matthew,” Ryan sighed, derision in his voice, “I know you’re trying, but you’re not a piece of meat, and I’m not a hungry dog.”

“Then what if I consent?” Matt asked leaning over Ryan. He watched Ryan’s nails dig into the arms of his chair.

“Consent to what?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Matt stated, his eyes locked onto any sign of Ryan’s resolve fading.

Ryan gritted his teeth, “This is a bad idea, Matthew.”

“Yeah, and so were the other half-a-dozen times. Just tell me you don’t want to do it anymore, and I’ll believe you.”

Ryan stood up suddenly, his hands shaking as they pushed Matt out of the way, “I do, you know I fucking do!”

“Do you!? ‘Cause now I’m not sure anymore.” cried Matt. The tension between them was thick. Both boys stood staring angrily at each other…

“I’m not in love with you, okay?!” Ryan shouted. “I don’t… I don’t feel that way. Because I know if we get into something serious, I’ll find a way to screw it up. It was too good to be true, it was always too good to be true. And see? This proves it.”

“You’re not even gonna try?!” answered Matt, tears now swelling up in his eyes. “We could work so well together.”

“What’s the fucking point, Matt?” Ryan responded, his eyes getting watery as well. “I’m not gonna destroy everything we’ve built together over this stupid game.”

Matt grabbed his clothes hastily off the floor. “Man, just... fuck you, Ryan.”

“Fuck  _ you! _ ”

The apartment door slammed shut for the second time that day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about not writing that last scene, but I think we've had enough of them not communicating haha.
> 
> I promise if I ever write another story, it'll be way more lighthearted


	14. But We Ain't Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, more fighting!
> 
> Title comes from the King Princess song because I heard it and it just reminded me of these nerds so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pacing is a little weird in this chapter but you know what? I'm not going to apologize. This is my story and this is how I'm writing it. And this is a mindset that I've only recently learned to adopt so

“Welcome to episode 152 of the SupermegaCast, everyone!” Matt cheered into the microphone. His smile brightened his entire face, yet it didn’t reach his eyes. It was the same smile a doll or figurine might wear, convincing no one that the expression was real. 

Ryan sat next to him, slumped in his seat. “Ah, yes, 152,” he replied, unenthusiastically. His eyes lazily followed the specks of dust visible in the lamp light. If Ryan had gotten his way, he wouldn’t be sitting with Matt at all right now. But work was work, and shit needed to get done, whether or not Matt and he had their respective shit together. 

“How’s your week been, Ryan?” Matt tried, attempting to start a conversation. 

Ryan’s face barely moved when he answered, “Fine.” Because how the fuck was he supposed to answer that?

Immediately, silence fell between them. 

Matt tried again, “Just “fine?”” 

Ryan fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie. Without looking at Matt, he answered, “Yeah.”

Glaring, but replying in an eerily friendly tone, Matt scolded Ryan, “It’s an audio-based podcast, Ryan. You’re gonna have to say more than that.” 

He figured he might as well be honest, “Dude, I don’t know if I can do this right now-”

“Ryan,” said Matt, his blue eyes now shining despite the badly lit room, “We need to do a podcast, that’s what is on the agenda today. We’re already behind with the Let’s Plays, we can do this.”

“Well, what do you even want me to talk about?” Ryan asked, his pitch increasing with his frustration. 

Matt shrugged in an overly-animated fashion, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose with the action, “I don’t know! Think of something!”

“I came out as gay this week,” offered Ryan, turning ever so slightly closer to the microphone. 

Covering the mic with his palm, Matt leaned over, “You want to talk about this on the podcast?”

“No! I don’t want to talk about this on the podcast!” Ryan placed his hands on his knees, sitting up finally. “I’m being facetious because I don’t want to do this.” 

But for some reason, Matt thought this was part of an act, a bit being over-exaggerated for the podcast. “This is our job, you can’t just decide you don’t want to do it!” He leaned closer to the mic as he said this, as if not wanting to lose an ounce of content despite the fact it was bitter and too close to real emotion. 

Sensing this, Ryan pulled back. “It’s not that, I’m just not in the right headspace.”

Matt egged him on, “Well, get  _ in _ the right headspace!”

Ryan leaned over to the recording laptop sitting on the table and slapped the space bar, stopping the Adobe Audition program.

“What’d you do that for?” Matt asked, standing up from his spot on the couch. 

“We’re not doing this on the podcast,” stated Ryan, his voice low. 

“Why?! We argue like a married couple in our shit all the time. What changes it now? The fact that we fucked?”

“Matt, can you just shut up for one second?” Ryan huffed, trying to collect his thoughts. “Just for one damn second, please?”

The lanky man sat back down, shaking his head in disbelief, “You broke up with me, remember?” 

“We weren’t together!” shouted Ryan, his arms thrown wide as if to make the point physically larger. “We didn’t break up; we were never together! 

Matt turned up his nose, “So then explain to me why you’re acting like a whiny-ass bitch. I’m handling it fine,  _ you  _ on the other hand…”

Ryan sighed, exasperated, “You know what? Just… fuck you, dude.” He stood up then, wanting to get as far away from Matt as possible. 

“Fuck you! I asked you a legit question!”

Of course this wasn’t going to be amicable, but Jesus Christ, could Matt lay off for two seconds? “I don’t want to do this right now, Matt,” Ryan walked to the door. “We can record later, but I’m not doing it now.”

The two of them silently walked back to their desks in the editing room. And bless the Tucker Brothers. If they knew Ryan and Matt had a falling out in the podcast room, they certainly weren’t showing it. 

Well, they did witness Jackson subtly mime a blowjob at Ryan when Matt sat down at his desk, but both his and Matt’s glare shut him down real quick.

This was the first time in a while that Ryan refused to do a recording session. Usually they were his favorite part of his job, sometimes only second to editing a live-action action video. But, God, everything would have felt so forced. He didn’t think he could pull off the best-friends act for 5 minutes, let alone an hour. 

But unfortunately enough, Ryan couldn’t avoid Matt even at his own office safe space: his desk. He sat down to a discord message from the devil himself. 

**Matt:** are u going to want to record at all today

Ryan looked over at Matt who was staring intently at his computer screen. He sat hunched over, his thick, professional headphones covering his ears.

“What, you can’t just come over and talk to me now?”

Matt didn’t even look up. Jackson, however, did. 

“What’s up?” he asked. 

Ryan shook his head, “Not you, Matt.” He found an unimportant paper on his desk, crinkled it up, and chucked it at Matt’s head. Getting hit in the face startled Matt, and he ripped off his headphones. 

“What the hell?!”

“Can you just talk to me like a real fucking person?” Ryan asked, exasperated. 

“I’m not in the right headspace,” Matt responded in a mocking tone. 

“Oh shut up, you’re being a baby.”

Matt stood up to yell over his desk, “That’s exactly what you were doing in the recording room!”

“No, I wasn’t! I was legitimately upset!”

“How can  _ you  _ be upset?! You started this!”

“No,  _ you  _ did when you decided to be an asshole in there!”

“Stop!” Jackson shouted, cutting off the argument. “Okay, we need to have a meeting, like  _ right now. _ ”

So he pulled everyone into the Supermegaplex’s official meeting room, which was only slightly different than just talking in the editing room, but no one was going to argue with an angry Jackson. 

“ _ What  _ is going on now?” Jackson started, his hands on his hips. He could’ve looked intimidating had he not been wearing a bright blue bolo tie with his cowboy shirt and a matching tight pair of pants. Carson stayed in a corner, slouched in a chair. His faded t-shirt and sweatpants reflected his uncaring mood. Harrison made a point of going to another room to work, knowing meddling in Matt and Ryan’s affairs didn’t end well last time, why try again?

But neither Matt nor Ryan wanted to explain their fight, so they sat there, silent. 

“You know what? I don’t want to know,” Jackson decided. “What matters is that whatever bug is up your guys’ ass is making it so we’re not making anything. And we  _ need  _ to be making more stuff. So, how do we do that? How do we hype up the Matt-and-Ryan-train? What will inspire you guys? What’s an exciting idea?”

Again, they sat in silence. 

Jackson gestured to Carson who raised his hand gingerly as if waiting to get called on in school. “What if you bring on a guest?” Carson wondered. “Like, someone famous.”

“We’d have to schedule that,” Matt frowned. “And the more famous, the less likely they’ll have availability.” 

“What about Justin?” Ryan suggested, finally turning to Matt. It was a good idea, after all. They wouldn’t have to worry about schedules, and Justin was a familiar, funny guest. 

“We’d have to fly him out here, but, we can do that, right, Jackson?” asked Matt.

With a big sigh, Jackson nodded, “If it’ll get you two jerks working again, I’ll arrange him to come out.” 

Matt and Ryan shared a hesitant smile. Would Justin be enough to get them to act civil? 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Justin flew out that next morning, and the boys got right to work. 

They decided to start with the Let’s Plays and booted up a Bomberman game for the Switch. Justin sat strategically between the two men as the three of them began a multiplayer battle round. The boys began bombing their own pathways through the large 10x10 maze. 

Matt placed a particularly clever string of bombs, and Ryan walked right into his trap. He exploded as soon as he turned a corner, his character’s death illuminated by a dying trail of flames. 

“Goddammit, you did that on purpose!” growled Ryan.

Matt looked at him quizzically, “Yeah, duh, the point of the fucking game is to blow each other up.”

Justin laughed, assuming the anger was put-on for entertainment.

Ryan shook his head, but answered, “Whatever, you were targeting me, though.”

“Ryan, it’s a  _ game _ ,” said Matt, looking over the rim of his glasses to inspect Ryan’s stubborn expression. 

He folded his arms, looking smugly at Matt, “And games don’t mean anything, right Matt?”

Matt’s expression darkened, “Shut the fuck up, now you’re putting words in my mouth.”

Chuckling dryly, Ryan came back with: “That’s not the only thing I’ve put in your mouth.”

“Fuck you, dude,” Matt spat, ignoring Justin between them to lean over and look Ryan directly in the eyes. 

Ryan crossed his arms, “You started it so fuck you.”

“... Is this a bit?” Justin hesitantly asked.

As if a spell had been broken, Matt and Ryan shifted in unison, with Matt sitting up a little straighter and Ryan moving his leg from resting on the couch to the edge, both feet planted on the ground. The two men looked at each other, agreeing, silently, to knock it off for now. It wasn’t funny, and it wasn’t fair to Justin. 

“Haha!” Ryan fake-laughed, breaking the tension that had built in the room. Even Matt giggled at that; Ryan knew Matt had always loved his laugh. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

As a celebration of getting a good bit of recording done, Jackson took the group out for drinks. His bar of choice, of course, was questionable for the rest of the group. Not that anyone had something against tiki bars, but, well, one can only swallow a pineapple-laced shot so many times. 

Going out was not something Ryan looked forward to in the first place, but he wanted to stick with his friends. He knew it would be the only way to avoid going home and falling into a depressive spiral. Arriving at an empty apartment felt sadder and sadder every time Ryan opened the door and remembered having Matt in his house; sleeping together, eating together, even just watching TV.

The group did another round of sloppy shots and Ryan peeked over at the now tipsy, uncoordinated Matt Watson. He couldn’t help but smile. He was cute when he drank. Or maybe he just thought Matt was cute, period. Errant thoughts be damned, Ryan couldn’t control them now anyway.

Ryan noticed as a girl shouted for Matt’s attention from a table in the back, and, after asking permission from the group, he left to talk to her. She was tall, with long dark hair and almond eyes. Ah, yes, Matt did always have a thing for Asian women. And the way she looked at him, eyelashes fluttering, smile shining radiantly, it would be only moments before he was putty in her delicate, womanly hands. 

And Ryan was pissed. 

Before realizing what he was doing, Ryan stood up and crossed the bar with more speed than his brain could register. He grabbed at Matt’s shoulder, cutting off the conversation. “Matt, can I talk to you for a second?” He tried not to let his anger bleed into the question, he truly did, but the way Matt looked told him he was equally pissed. 

Matt could’ve answered “No,” and looked like he was about to, but then Ryan whispered a sincere, “Please?” 

The two ventured off down a hallway, with Ryan guiding Matt by holding onto his shoulders. Together, they opened up the door to the men’s room.

|||||||NSFW Starts|||||||

“What the  _ fuck _ is your problem?!” Matt shouted, his anger filling the small, bar-room bathroom. He shoved Ryan’s hands off him with enough force that Ryan stumbled back. “I was having a good conversation! What was so important you just  _ had _ to interrupt?”

“What the fuck is  _ your  _ problem?! You’re drooling all over that girl just ‘cause of your creepy-Asian-weeb-fetish!” 

Matt’s eyes grew wide, “I don’t have a creepy-Asian- I’m not even a weeb! When have I  _ ever _ talked about anime with you?” 

“Are you fuckin’ serious?!” Ryan asked incredulously. “We were just talking about Naruto- the Naruto run in our live-action bit-”

“ _ One  _ anime that everybody fuckin’ knows... talking about Naruto makes me a weeaboo?” 

Ryan rolled his eyes, “Well, if it’s fueling your fetish-” 

“I don’t have a fetish! She’s pretty and she likes me and I think she’s cool!” 

“No, you don’t, Matt! You don’t even know her!” Ryan argued, his hands shaking. “For all you know she’s- what’s so funny?” 

Matt chuckled low, crossing his arms and staring the shorter man down. “You’re fucking jealous, aren’t you?” 

Blowing a raspberry, Ryan furrowed his brows, “Of course not! That’s absolute bullshit.” 

Matt stuck a bony finger in Ryan’s face accusingly, “You're jealous because I like someone that’s not you.”

“You’re being a dumbass,” Ryan barked, swatting away Matt’s hand. “I’m just- I’m just being cautious-”

“About what?”

A pregnant pause followed while Ryan struggled to come up with a good reason. 

“I fucking knew it, you just can’t stand to see me happy with someone else, can you? I’m leaving.” Matt reached for the door handle, but Ryan leaned his hand against the door, forcing it shut. “Matt, wait,” Ryan nearly whispered, desperation leaking through his words. 

Hesitantly, Matt turned to look into Ryan’s eyes. When Ryan closed the door, his body got closer to Matt, their chests nearly touching. Ryan leaned closer, craning his neck up so his face could reach Matt’s. 

“Don’t do this,” Matt protested weakly, his eyes already closing, leaning into a kiss. Then another. Then another. Ryan grabbed Matt's t-shirt, throwing him against a nearby wall. Their lips melted into one another, their breaths becoming quicker, harsher. Experimentally, Ryan ground his hips against Matt’s pelvis. Matt let out a choked whine, trying to hide his growing need. Ryan reached his hand down to Matt’s bulge, rubbing his palm against Matt’s dick through his clothes. 

“S-stop!” shouted Matt, pushing Ryan’s shoulders away. Obliging, Ryan took a step back, his hands up as if to show defeat. 

“What is even your end-game here? Fuck me in a bathroom stall?” 

Ryan shrugged and looked down at his feet. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. Why was he acting this way? Why was he so desperate to keep Matt here? 

“You’re fucking gross, dude, you know that?” Matt shook his head, scoffing. He pulled the door handle again, this time Ryan didn’t move to stop him. “How ‘bout you get back to me when you learn to stop thinking with your fucking dick?” And he left. 

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, hit by an invisible final blow. He leaned against the bathroom wall where he had just pushed Matt mere seconds ago. Sliding his back along the wall, he slid down to the ground, sitting on the cold tile floor with his head in his hands. He was too exhausted for tears, too exhausted to get up. So he sat there, unmoving except for the rise and fall of his chest, the silence of Matt’s absence reverberating in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and you thought you were heartbroken after chapter 13


	15. You Know You Can't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least they've stopped fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the lovely comments! Seriously, reading through them makes me so happy. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story!!

Acting civil with an ex was one thing. Acting civil with an ex who’s your co-worker was another. But acting civil with an ex who plays the role of your best friend on your youtube channel was possibly unheard of.

At least, that’s what Matt convinced himself to believe after a Let’s Play session that felt very much like pulling teeth. In fact, there was so much silence in it, there was no way the whole thing wouldn’t just be scrapped. It wasn’t even enough to put on Patreon. They were actively trying not to argue and bicker like last week, and it seemed to sap their energy from doing anything else witty or clever. 

Justin had since gone home. (He didn’t live in LA; he couldn’t stick around  _ forever.)  _ Jackson had assured them that morning that the content would be fine as long as they, you know, made some. But he was unaware of last night’s shouting match in the bathroom. The one that had Ryan leave the bar for the night. The same one Matt kept replaying in his head. 

Doing a Let’s Play the night after was wishful thinking on their part. Did either really think the fighting would be resolved by now? Ryan must have sensed the session was off as well, because after the last take, he paused the recording software, and said, softly, “We should talk.”

Did they not have a “talk” in a public bathroom yesterday? How would today be a better day for talking? “Sure,” Matt answered cautiously.

Silence invaded the room like an unwelcome neighbor.

Ryan looked up at Matt but said nothing.

Matt didn’t know what he was hoping for here, but a mopey and silent Ryan wasn’t cutting it for him. So he decided to act first; “When we kissed yesterday-“

Ryan shuffled awkwardly but interrupted with, “I know, it was stupid of me and fucked up, you were right. I’m sorry.”

“... Oh.” Matt wasn’t expecting an apology so quickly. “You think so?”

Ryan finally turned his body to look at him, “Yeah, I mean, I shouldn’t assume you want me after… well, everything.”

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He was too conflicted. He closed and opened his mouth again to say, “... I do, though. I hate it, but I do.”

Ryan blinked, “... Really?”

“I did kiss you back, didn’t I?”

Ryan contemplated this for a moment, “I figured you were just… I don’t know, going along with it.”

“I didn’t think you still liked me,” Matt admitted. “I figured we stopped everything because you didn’t.”

Visibly, but subtly, Ryan winced, “I don’t, but I do, you know?”

Matt swallowed hard, clutching his chest. He knew what Ryan meant; he liked Matt, but he didn’t want the relationship that Matt wanted. “Yeah… I know.”

“... Maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for me to, like, move on. ‘Cause I don’t, like, hate you.”

Matt exclaimed. “Me too! That’s exactly-I feel the same way. Like, I  _ like _ you but I don’t want to like you.”

“Wow, thanks,” said Ryan flatly.

Matt threw him a side-eye, “You know what I mean.” Matt thought over the past few day’s arguments in his head and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. 

Ryan was confused, “What’s so funny?”

“No wonder we’ve been such jackasses. We both thought we hated each other.”

Realizing, Ryan laughed too. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

Matt leaned back into the couch cushions and eyed Ryan in a new light. Ryan didn’t hate him. Ryan liked him, even. But the sting of rejection still pierced through him like an arrow. Because, despite everything, being “liked” still wasn’t what Matt wanted. 

Matt licked his lips, thinking of a new idea, “What if we just tried again? No games this time.”

Ryan shook his head sadly, “Matt, we already talked about this.”

“But what if we start differently this time?”

Ryan hesitated, his vision pulled to some far off corner of the room while he thought, “I mean... You’re my friend first; you’re Matt from Supermega. I couldn’t possibly-“

“Then fuck Supermega!”

Ryan was taken aback, “What do you mean “fuck Supermega?””

“If it wasn’t a factor; if Supermega didn’t exist, would you go out with me?”

Ryan opened his mouth and a long, low sound came out before a grumbly, “I don’t know.”

“ _ Ryan _ ,” Matt groaned, furiously messing with his hair as a distraction. “So the problem isn’t Supermega then, is it?”

Ryan stayed silent, staring at the ground. 

“Then what is it, Ryan?”

Seconds crawled by while Matt waited for his answer. 

But there was none.

“ _ Fuck _ , Ryan!” Matt shouted, standing up. He started pacing in front of their couch in frustration. “You wanted to talk so  _ talk.” _

“I don’t know, Matt! I just think it’s a bad idea!”

“But  _ why?” _

“I. Don’t.  _ Know! _ ” 

Matt had to get out of there. Clearly, Ryan wasn’t ready to talk. 

~~~~~~

But Ryan did know how he felt about Matt, he just couldn’t admit it. There was no point. A real relationship was never going to work, Ryan was sure of it. Matt was too sweet and too smart and too beautiful and Ryan was just...

Ryan took a deep breath and looked at the recording room door Matt had just slammed shut. No, he couldn’t admit to any of that. Because Matt was so positive it’d work out. And Ryan was so positive it wouldn’t.

“You and Matt called it quits, huh?” Jackson had asked him earlier that day. 

“Matt told you?” Ryan asked, surprised. He thought Jackson said he didn’t want to know about their relationship.

Jackson threw him a look, “Gimme some credit. I can put 2 and 2 together. Y’all have been at each other’s throats for a couple days…”

Reaching up to rub the back of his neck, Ryan replied, “I mean, that’s not exactly it. But, yeah, we’re in a weird place right now.”

“‘S’fine. You don’t have to tell me all the details.” 

Ryan wished he had. He wished he had someone on his side to confide in that wasn’t already part of this big mess. 

“As long as you and Matt are still making stuff, that’s all that matters as far as my job’s concerned,” laughed Jackson. “But seriously, if you need to talk, I’m here.”

And he should’ve taken him up on that. Ryan should’ve done a lot of things. 

Ryan sighed and pulled himself back into the reality of the silent recording room. He could hear Matt and Harrison mumbling on the other side of the door. Matt just needed to cool off, that’s all, Ryan told himself. So what if the content they were making was garbage? At least they were making it.

_______________

“This is… not funny,” Jackson frowned, his face lit up in the glow of a computer screen. Justin had sent him an emergency email, something about how the latest Supermega episode had nearly nothing to edit in it. He knew Ryan and Matt had been working last night, so there had to at least be  _ something  _ to edit. Jackson watched and listened for the normally witty and provocative banter and noticed the problem right away; there was no banter. Sure, they were talking, Jackson had to admit that. But the conversation sounded like an awkward “How’s the weather?” type of ice breaker that went on for far too long. 

He knew Matt and Ryan were having problems, if you could call them that. He had done his best to stay out of their relationship business, but it was hard when the heart of Supermega was literally their relationship. And Ryan had said they’d stopped doing… whatever it was they were doing, so maybe it was just going to be awkward for awhile. 

But for how long?

And why was he always the last to find out??

Fueled with frustration, Jackson stood up from his desk and went to find Matt and Ryan in the recording room. He decided to knock first this time. The last time he opened the door without knocking, he got an eyeful of slash material. 

“Come in!” the boys said in unison. 

Jackson sighed, opening the door to see Matt and Ryan sitting on opposite ends of the couch. If it wasn’t already obvious they weren’t getting along, it was clear to him now. He motioned for Matt to stop the recording and he did so. 

“Guys, we have a problem here,” started Jackson. “Your Let’s Plays? They’re boring as shit.”

Matt rolled his eyes, “You always say that.”

“Well, this time I actually mean it!” Jackson responded. “I listened to last night’s recording. It was nothing but awkward small talk from you two. It was embarrassing! Where is your chemistry?”

“What? No way, I want to listen,” said Ryan. 

Jackson led them to his desk and let them take a listen to their work through his tin-y desktop speakers. They stood still, huddled around the little desk.

“Welcome back, folks!” they could hear Matt say. “Today we’re playing Ghost of Tsushima.”

“Yes,” they heard Ryan retort. “And what a game it is.” 

“Yeah, Ryan loves this game.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say  _ love. _ ”

“Yeah, I guess  _ you _ wouldn’t.” 

“Matt.”

Then silence. 

“How has your day been?”

“Fine… and yours?”

“Also fine. Lots of, um, chores.”

“Yep, same for me.” 

More silence. 

“Seen any good movies lately?”

“No.”

“Yeah, me either.”

More silence. 

This pattern continued several more times, with each break of silence lasting longer than the one before until the episode finally ended. 

Matt groaned, “This isn’t just boring, it’s not even remotely funny _. _ ” 

“We knew the content wouldn’t be great,” admitted Ryan, “But… _this_ _? _ ”

Matt sat quietly, staring at Ryan intensely. “It’s not working, Ryan,” Matt said slowly. “Just admit that it’s not working.” 

Confused, possibly scared, Jackson asked, “What do you mean?”

“Me and Ryan have been trying to record for hours tonight,” Matt told him. “Hell, we’ve been trying for  _ days  _ to get into our old rhythm. It’s not working.”

And, fair, they  _ did  _ just have to put in a tremendous amount of work the week before to build up content, even with Justin’s help. 

Ryan shrugged, “Okay, it’s not working  _ now,  _ but-”

“But what?!” Matt shot back angrily. “What’s going to change between now and then? We’re going to somehow brush past the fact that I’m in love with you and work like old times? No, that’s fucking stupid, Ryan.” 

Jackson took a step back. Maybe he shouldn’t be here for this...

“How are you still-” Ryan shook his head, rephrasing his concern, “We can move on from this, we’ve moved on from so many huge changes in our fuckin’ crazy-ass lives. We can move on from this.” 

But Matt disagreed, “I don’t think  _ I  _ can, Ry.” 

“You don’t have to decide what to do right now,” Jackson butt in. “I can give y’all time, it’s just, I’m worried about it… I’m worried about you two.”

Ryan looked up at him sadly. Jackson could read it in his eyes, his face was one of defeat. 

“I’m sick of dreading work every day. I’m sick of feeling so uneasy around you, Ry. Supermega isn’t fun anymore, dude. It’s time for me to end it. I want to leave Supermega.”

“That’s pretty drastic…” Jackson said. He looked between the two men and their eyes were locked on each other. Jackson might as well not even exist right now. 

Ryan pleaded, “I’ll work on my act, we can get more guests, we can do  _ something. _ ”

“Those are just band-aids on the problem. We can’t fix  _ us,  _ Ryan. And without you and me, there’s nothing to keep going.”

“Matt, maybe you should sleep on this,” Jackson advised. “It’s a big decision to leave the company over a little fight.”

Matt smiled, eyes devoid of any emotion, “I’m actually more sure than I have been in a long time. I’m not thinking with my heart anymore, I’m thinking with my head. And I know, logically, this is the best thing to do right now.” 

Jackson felt trapped, in more ways than one. “So there’s really no convincing you?” 

“No,” Matt grinned again, but this time he had the temerity to look sad. “I’m leaving Supermega. I want to make it official.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo! we're getting toward the end! whats gonna happen? whats gonna happen?!?


	16. I'm Not Trying To Be Your Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have to at least try, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BET YOU THOUGHT I ABANDONED YOU HAHA YOURE WRONG

“He’s doing  _ what?” _ Carson yelled.

“Matt wants us to set up the stage for a final goodbye message today,” Jackson announced sadly. The three Tucker Brothers were lounging in the kitchen of the Supermegaplex. Matt and Ryan hadn’t come in yet, in order to give the brothers some time to set everything up. 

“They’re really ending it?” Harrison wondered. He leaned back in his dining room chair, teetering on the back two legs.

“Yeah!” Jackson exclaimed, “‘Cause Matt and Ryan are so awkward around each other now… They can’t even record a half-decent Let’s Play.”

Carson hummed in thought, “Do we know why?”

“Yeah,” answered Jackson. “Because Matt’s stupid and Ryan’s also stupid.”

Harrison threw his younger brother a look, “I think it’s because Matt has feelings for Ryan and Ryan doesn’t.” 

“That’s basically what I said,” mumbled Jackson. 

“That’s such bullshit,” Carson spat. “You’ve seen how those two look at each other. Come on, there’s no way that’s true.”

“Wanna bet $20 on it?” Jackson grinned.

Carson and Jackson shook hands as Harrison shook nothing but his head. 

Matt came into the room just then, and the brothers had to scramble to put enough space between them to not look like they were doing something suspicious. Of course, in doing so, they looked even more suspicious.

“What’s up guys?” Matt started, staring at the brothers quizzically. 

“We didn’t hear you come in!” Carson said, his voice high-pitched in panic.

Harrison punched him, he was being too obvious. 

But Matt either didn’t care or didn’t notice. “I’m gonna eat something, then I’m ready to record the goodbye message. That should give y’all enough time to get ready, right?”

“What about Ryan?” Jackson wondered out loud. 

“He said he didn’t want to be in the video,” said Matt. “Probably better that way, anyway.”

“Well, Jackson and Harrison were about to pick up food, actually,” Carson winked at his brothers, then turned back to Matt. “I can meet you in the recording room in a sec, just gotta tell them my order.”

Matt didn’t dwell on it. He shrugged and said, “Ok,” before walking down the hallway. 

“Go get Ryan,” Carson whispered to his brothers. “There’s no way he’s okay with this. Go get him and tell him to convince Matt he’s being stupid.”

Jackson and Harrison looked at each other, then back at Carson, “How do you expect us to do that?” asked Jackson. 

“Think of something! Seriously!” Carson fussed. 

Jackson threw an unconvinced look toward Harrison, but Harrison only shrugged, “We gotta at least try to save Supermega, right? If no one else, why not us?”

“Why can’t we just let it die?”

“Jackson!” yelled Harrison and Carson together. 

Jackson held up his hands in defeat, “Alright, alright, let’s go get Ryan…”

  
  


Pacing and sweating nervously, Ryan walked circles around his couch. This was it. This was the end of Supermega. 

No more Matt.

All because they couldn’t go back to the way things were. Before all the kisses and the touches meant something bigger than themselves. 

But Ryan was okay with it, he had to be. He had rejected Matt, he had to admit that. Which meant he didn’t want Matt as his romantic partner anymore. And he didn’t.

Right? 

Ryan chewed on a broken thumbnail while Lego sat curiously, watching his master wander about. 

He knew it was the best for them. Yes, he  _ knew  _ that. But why was his heart feeling otherwise? It would never work out, Ryan repeated like a mantra in his mind. It would never work, never ever. 

He stopped in his tracks suddenly, clutching his chest. “This feels all wrong…” he explained to Lego. “If I’m so sure, why does this feel wrong?”

As if on cue, 2 of 3 Tucker Brothers burst into his apartment. Clearly, he had forgotten to lock his door. That, or they had used an emergency key; he  _ had  _ to stop giving those out to people…

“You need to come into the office!” Jackson yelled. “Please, Ryan, you gotta stop Matt from leaving.” 

Ryan felt like a deer caught in the headlights. “What do you want me to do?! Matt already made up his mind.”

“Tell Matt you’re in love with him,” commanded Harrison, forgoing all subtlety. 

Ryan blinked, taken aback, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jackson sighed and sat down quietly on Ryan’s couch. Subconsciously, Ryan joined him, but leaned away from Jackson as he started to talk, “Listen, I know you and Matt broke it off, but I also know you actually care about him romantically. Like, a lot.”

“Why would you think that?” Ryan asked, crossing his arms.

Stuck in a state of hesitation, Jackson looked at Harrison for an answer. Harrison, being the noble older brother, nodded at Jackson, and matched Ryan’s crossed-arms stance, radiating confidence. “Because you  _ like  _ him. You sent him heart pillows and flowers when he was mad at you.”

Ryan thought back to that moment, sending Matt presents as an apology gift. He remembered the bright, toothy smile Matt wore while they facetimed after the fact. He remembered the time he told Matt to cover his mouth with one of said pillows, in order to stop him from moaning so loud. Then he remembered the prank shortly following their sexual acts; Ryan running out of the room naked, chasing the Tucker brothers. The memory made him grin. 

“It was a joke,” Ryan lied. “I thought hearts and flowers would be funny. 

“You defended him when we outed y’all,” Jackson added. “You protected him.”

Ryan could see that moment clearly in his mind too, stepping forward in front of Matt when the Tucker brothers ganged up on the two of them, throwing questions left and right. He remembered lying, telling the brothers that he and Matt were just friends. He remembered the sinking feeling in his stomach when he looked at Matt’s panicked face after he said it. 

“I protected him ‘c-cause he’s my friend…” Ryan stuttered, feeling his face heating up and giving him away. 

Harrison laughed, “You guys have hung out alone more in the last few weeks than ever before.”

Ryan remembered the times being alone with Matt. Vividly, he could feel every kiss and every touch come rushing back to him. The irresistible smiles, Matt’s breathy sighs, the hand holding; fond memories of Matt flooded his senses, making him blush even harder. “I want to be with you, Ryan,” he remembered Matt telling him one night in his apartment, on the very couch he was sitting on. “It’s as simple as that.” 

“ _ And  _ you haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other! Remember when I caught you in the recording room?” added Jackson. 

The night Matt jokingly called Ryan his boyfriend, he remembered. The night he finally got to fuck Matt. The night where they said “I need you” to each other so many times, it was beyond the limits of friendship. 

That was also the night Matt confessed his love. And the night Ryan was so scared of the confession that he ran away. 

Harrison pointed an accusatory finger at Ryan, “ _ And  _ you got jealous of him when he was talking with that girl at the bar!”

“I wasn’t jealous!” he lied, remembering how jealous he truly was. He wished he could’ve kept kissing Matt in that bathroom, that he could’ve told him everything he wanted to hear, that he would’ve done anything to keep him close. 

He would’ve done anything, but he chose not to, because Matt told him to “get back to me when you learn to stop thinking with your fucking dick.”

That hit Ryan hard, harder than it should have considering he wasn’t thinking with his dick then. He was craving Matt in an entirely different way. 

“Face it, Ryan,” grinned Harrison. “You’ve got it  _ bad  _ for Matt.”

“Even if I do!” Ryan shouted, interrupting the barrage of accusations. He was starting to realize it now, maybe they were right all along. Maybe, just maybe, they were onto something. “Even if I am in love with him… so what?”

“So you go tell him!” Jackson told him. “That’s literally all you have to do and Supermega would be saved.” 

“No, it wouldn’t! Because me and Matt? It’d never work!” Ryan hung his head. “It’d… a relationship, it’d never work.” 

Jackson and Harrison looked at each other confused. “What do you mean it’d never work?” Harrison wanted to know.

Ryan looked up at the two of them, “You guys wouldn’t get it.” 

“Try us,” they said together. 

“Y’all are so handsome and, like, people _ like _ you,” Ryan started. “Me? I’m a fucking mess. I don’t know how to talk about shit that’s important, and Matt knows that and hates it. He only just learned he liked guys, why would he want to settle for me? He could do so much better. Everyone fucking knows it.” 

“Ryan…” Jackson reached out a hand to pat Ryan’s back, but Ryan glared at him. 

Defeated, Jackson looked at his brother again. 

“You think Matt doesn’t know that?” asked Harrison. “He’s not an idiot, Ryan.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow, “That’s supposed to motivate me or something?”

“No, it’s supposed to make you fucking think for a second,” Harrison scolded. “He could have anyone and he  _ chose  _ you. He continues to choose you. He loves you, dude. Why are you ignoring that?” 

“Because he’ll figure it out eventually that he made a mistake. I’m protecting him from ever having to find out.” 

“Why don’t you let Matt make that decision?” 

Ryan shook his head, “You just… you don’t get it.” 

Jackson frowned, “Well, listen, while you sit here feeling sorry for yourself, Matt’s ending Supermega so he doesn’t have to deal with the fucking heartache of seeing you every day. Ryan, if you don’t talk to him now, you’re never going to see him again.”

Ryan shrugged, “Oh well.” 

“You can’t tell me that’s really what you want,” Harrison stated. 

Ryan couldn’t answer him, and made no attempt to counter him, either. 

Jackson sighed loudly, getting up off the couch. “Let’s go, Harry. He’s not going to change his mind.” 

“But… we promised Carson-”

“We’re just wasting time, man,” Jackson admitted. “Let’s just… get this over with.” 

Jackson walked past his brother to get to the front door. Harrison continued to look down at Ryan, shaking his head sadly, “I was rooting for you two. Really, I was.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Ryan answered. 

Harrison hesitated, but went with his brother anyway. They knew they had done all they could. Their last attempt at rallying Ryan had failed.

Ryan watched them walk out, and he clutched at his chest again. 

He would never see Matt again if he didn’t go now. 

Is this really how he wanted things to end? His head was saying yes, but his heart…

His heart remembered everything. It remembered everything his brain was begging him to forget. He knew if he didn’t try to stop Matt now, that aching in his heart would never go away. 

“What are the odds I talk to Matt just one last time?” he asked no one in particular. The silence of the room answered his question, though, not in the way he would’ve liked. Ryan looked up at his car keys hanging from a hook, then down at his slides sitting by the front door. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “What have I got to lose?” he wondered out loud. Then, he stood up, walking toward his front door. He grabbed his keys, slid on his shoes, and slammed the door shut, running toward the Tucker brothers still waiting for the elevator. “Wait for me!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter will be the last one probably maybe I haven't decided


End file.
